Sweet Lincoln's mullet!

The one serious conviction that a man should have is that nothing is to be taken too seriously.
-- Nicholas Butler

What business or career would you consider if you were starting over? What an ironic question. I'd like to write sitcoms, or a movie. Or maybe just do this for a living. (Spewing my "moronic thoughts.") Or be a porn movie reviewer.
What's more valuable: beauty or brains? First and foremost, most smart women are beautiful. Besides, looks can go, and if you have nothing else, what good are you? Look at that bitch Cybill Shepherd. She was hot as hell in the 80s, then when I run into her, she's a rotten twat. I have a feeling all these chicks like Britney, Lohan, Paris et al will eventually succumb to rampant face lifts or just become old whores... albeit rich old whores, but old tramps nonetheless.

Abby took a picture on Grandpa Charlies Birthday 

Bush Twins Gone Wild

I have a feeling I'm going to end up on VH1's "I Love The 00s." For the second time in 2 months, a national paper has called upon my keen and unique view for an article:
USATODAY.com - TiVo's ripple effect: Water-cooler chill.
And yet I'm still unemployed.

Anywayz, I heard the voicemail tapes of "Insider" host Pat O'Brien. He's in rehab. For some reason, entertainment shows think this is news. Who cares. Mary Hart got a bad case of the shits, but that ain't makin news. Anyway, the tapes are pretty pathetic. He wants this woman and describes in detail what he wants to do to her.

Have you seen this show called "The Shield." Its one of those cop shows that uses the word "shit" just because they can. It got stupid after a while. Its a shame, because the acting and stories are halfway interesting.

That picture of the Bush Twins has nothing to do with anything, but I thought it was funny.

Just messin' around with the new capture card, and the "xenofex" photoshop plug-in. 

Just Shoot Me

1. You know company is coming: do you panic and immediately begin cleaning house or do you sit back and relax because your place is already clean? Clean it up, but the joint don't get too dirty.

2. Which was a bigger surprise for you:
a) Robert Blake was acquitted Yes, this was a surprise. I thought it was so obvious. He may have done the crime, but he ain't gonna do the time.
b) Martha Stewart did jail time I was kinda surprised she did time, I totally expected her high-priced lawyers to get her off. In the end, her fellow inmates got her off.
c) Scott Peterson was sentenced to death Not surprised by this. This arrogant prick deserves to fry. I think if the two weren't good-looking white people, nobody would have heard of this story. I was surprised by the death sentence, but not the guilty plea. I figured he'd get life... more than his pregnant wife and their unborn son got.
d) The Michael Jackson trial began at all I'm not surprised. He's an easy target. Just like in the schoolyard, the queer black kid's gonna get picked on. I wasn't there at neverland when this stuff allegedly went on, but it sure as hell don't surprise me. I don't think he actually molested those kids. I think Michael's sexual growth was stunted at a young age, and therefore his sense of right and wrong is skewed. I'm sure in his mind, he was just being playful and some innocent touching. His world is so out of whack, that's OK.

3. What was in the last package you received in the mail? My sexy lil capture card. I'm a TiVo'ing fool now. No $149 TiVo plus subscription fees for me. It cost me a whole $20!

4. What commercial annoys you the most at the moment? That stupid commercial with Sarah Jessica Parker. I know they didn't make that commercial to appeal to me, a straight man. I'm sure gays and women think she's peachy keen. I think she's annoying, and has a horse-face. The Hootie Burger King commercial used to annoy me, but the song has grown on me, and I find myself humming it all day long. I even fell into Hootie's trap and went to BK to purchase this wonderful Hootieburger. The stupid fucking Marietta BK didn't have them! They were out! Is the marketing power of Hootie that powerful? Is his pimp hand so strong that he can cause a run on tendercrips bacon cheddar ranch sammiches... despite being dressed like a gay Roy Rogers? Apparently so.

If I'm ever in a vegetative state, please put a Tendercrisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch Chicken Sandwich in my feeding tube.

5. What charity was the last one to call you to solicit a donation? Did you give them money? Why or why not? It was a scam charity called "Kid's Wish." They apparently thought people would think it was the 'Make-A-Wish" foundation and pull out their credit cards. I asked the woman if they were affiliated, just to see what she'd say, and without missing a beat she says, "We do similar work, helping children." I can usually spot a scam a mile away.

6. What common household product do you hate to run out of the most? Sinus Tablets. I take them so often that I run out. and Quesadilla ingredients.

I have a good idea...

Sometimes the jokes are just TOO easy...

You Are "Wow"!

What Japanese Smiley Are You?

Listen To The Funk Flow

Looking to hear some cool tunes? Now you can listen toThe Chas Chronicles Radio! Its got funk, classic rock and some other stuff. Yahoo throws the songs at me, I take 'em and share them with you. So you shouldn't have to hear some crappy Britney Spears or any other dumb shit. If I had a ton of free bandwidth, I'd stream MP3s, but I don't cuz I'm running this web site for zero dollars (minus the domain name). Try out the radio link, and lemme know what you think. I don't think it works with firefox, so make sure you have IE, which most of you do, unless you're on a shitty mac or something. Hit comments and release your inner Casey Kasem.

More stolen stills from the new Star Wars movie!

We have a mole within the George Lucas camp... who got us yet another still from the new movie, "Revenge Of The Sith"!

This movie is shaping up to be much better than the last two valiant attempts.

...in other words...

No one means all he says, and yet very few say all they mean, for words are slippery and thought is viscous.
-- Henry Adams

1. Would you rather: be responsible for an oil tanker crash off the coast of alaska OR cause a rebellion in a developing nation? The oil tanker, fewer people would die. Tough shit for the animals.
2. get locked out of your house while naked OR throw up all over yourself in the middle of an important meeting? Throw up in a meeting, at least that way there's a chance my crappy co-workers would get sick too.
3. wake up to find your feet have grown two sizes OR hair all over your back that grows back every night? My feet, size 12 shoes aren't that weird.
4. eat nothing but cheese for a week OR only chinese food for two months? Chinese food. At least it would be different food.

These are a few of his favorite things!

He believes he can fly!

I'm gonna go friggin nuts

Ok, I read about that pig Rosie O'Donnell commenting on her website about stuff. This poem made me throw up my quesadilla:

michael jackson in his pj's made me cry
why has mario quit american idol?
the shick intuition razor is the best invention
since the tampon multi-pack

A multi-pack? She needs a rolled up army blanket and 17 tree-shaped air freshners.
And on the Mario American Idol thing... I'm sick of hearing about this douche. Who cares? Some idiot quits his only chance of stardom, and its news? People suck.

How much you wanna bet he's spinning Elton John and Michael Bolton CDs?
I'm in a pissy mood.

The Ole College Try

Since college basketballs been on and I've been writing and re-writing my resume, these answers were fresh in my mind.
1) Did you go to college? Yes, University Of Texas - Pan American. I got a BA in Broadcast Journalism.
2) Did you live in a dorm or an apartment? Not when I went to UTPA, but I did when I went to Nicholls State. It was an experience. Everyone should live in the dorms at least for one year of their college career. There was drinking, studying, and umm more drinking. It was cool to just pop your door open and somebody stop by to chat with you for a while. Both schools I went to were small, which was good.
3) Who was your favorite roommate? Bruno, he was like a big brother, and he was a fraternity brother as well.
4) What is your favorite college sport? Partying.
5) Who was your favorite professor and class? All of my journalism and TV classes were great. There were only 2 strictly TV professors. The rest were theater or speech professors who were kind enough to teach us TV flunkies.

While we're on the subject, there are 2, only only 2, good movies about fraternities: Animal House and Revenge Of The Nerds.

There are also two, and only 2, good movies about golf: Caddyshack and Happy Gilmore.

Agree? Disagree? What was your favorite lines from those flicks?
Hit comments and release your inner Belushi.

Stolen Stills From The New Star Wars Movie!!

I usually don't like pre-Star Wars Movie hype, but...

George Lucas is just wrong fuh dat!

Geraldo Visits Where Success Lives

What a weird day. I wake up to news that the guy who killed a judge and two deputies, and managed to elude the largest manhunt in Georgia history, was holding some chick hostage IN MY APARTMENT COMPLEX. Its a weird feeling when you put on Fox News Channel and see Geraldo Rivera doing a report from the front of your shitty subdivision, and then aerials of said complex. What next?

Hiding Under The Covers

News:
1. Michael Jackson: Did he do it? I wasn't there, but it wouldn't surprise me one bit if he did. I hope he gets thrown in jail and is tossed around like a salad before having to toss the salad. The friggin idiot shows up to court in his pajamas. He seriously needs a Godsmack.
2. Martha: Did she deserve prison? No, but I think its funny as hell that she got thrown in the pokie. Hopefully getting tattooed in the yard will humble her, and not have such a holier than thou attitude. I hope the first time she gets pissed at a production assistant or something, they turn around and say, "...oh I'm sorry, you're the first ex-con I've worked for..."
3. Bill Clinton: Think his wife is going to run for President? No way. Too many people hate her guts. I don't like her at all, and I think she'd be a horrible president. I don't think the country is open-minded enough yet to handle a female president. We MAY be ready soon for a black president, but he'd have to be light-skinned and extremely charismatic. Sen. Barak Obama has a chance, because by the time he gets his props in the senate, the country may have evolved past our racist tendencies. I'm not saying everyone in the country is racist, but there's a significant amount of people who are. They live in those red states (or was it the blue ones, I can't remember... the Bush states, anyway).
4. Madrid anniversary of 3/11: Are you thinking about it? Um no.
5. What's the headline of your local news outlet? The shooting of the judge and the manhunt for the shooter. Its a sad story. Glad I wasn't in the newsroom for that clusterfuck. I'd hate to see how the fuckwad news director is handling things. Probably screaming like a bitch.
Appetizer - Where do you go when you want to relax? To Bed.
Soup - Tell about something that made you laugh this week. Mr. Garrison got a sex change on South Park.
Salad - What is your favorite texture? smooth ass.
Main Course - If you were to publish your autobiography, what would the first sentence be? "What's holding you back?"
Dessert - Do you celebrate St. Patrick's Day? If so, how? Um no. I'm not irish, not that my nationality makes a difference. I'm Italian and I don't celebrate Columbus Day.
FQ1: If you could own any item from any movie, what would you take and why? Hmmm... a light saber... Prince's Motorcycle... Ron Burgundy's Jazz Flute....
FQ2: If you could become any character from any movie, who would it be and why? Dirk Diggler... for obvious reasons.
FQ3: If you could visit any location from any movie, where would it be and why? Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory. Just cuz its surreal, and there would be candy.

Its back to the 80s!

Play Nintendo and Sega video games online for free!

Blogger can bite my ass

I spent about half an hour typing a badass rant, with pictures and links... then I hit publish, and it says, "You must sign in first..." How the hell did I get to the new post screen if I didn't sign in? I bet its my paranoid firewall program deleting cookies and whatnot. Fuck 'em all. Its a conspiracy to piss me off.

Humbling Moment

Douchebag Prospective Employer At Shitty Temporary Job: "Where did you work before?"
Me: "I worked in TV."
Douchebag: "You worked on TVs?"
Me: "Um, no."

I'm square with Vishnu

You Have Good Karma

In general, you like to do the right thing when it comes to others. Your caring personality really shines through. Sure, you have your moments of weakness - and occasionally act out. But, all in all, you're karma is good... even with those few dark sports.

How's Your Karma?

I'm a friggin genius

What Famous Leader Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

---

Hey take a look to the right, please avail yourself of the many useful features just sitting over there. You can write me an email with a just a few clicks... you can send me an instant message if you have AOL instant messenger. You can leave your mark in the guestbook, and take a look at the pictures in the picture flicker. And if you have an atom reader, you can read the site via that with our handy dandy Atom Feed. If you've missed any nuggets of my genius (see the above designation), you can read or re-read them, if you're so inclined. Beneath that is the banner ads, feel free to click them and help a brutha out.

---

As part of my adventures in unemployment, I'm taking a "Career Transition Class." We took the famous "Briggs-Myers" test. And those two bastards hit it right on the head. Here's the dynamic duo's assessment of yours truly:

Quiet, friendly, responsible, and conscientious. Committed and steady in meeting their obligations. Thorough, painstaking, and accurate. Loyal, considerate, notice and remember specifics about people who are important to them, concerned with how others feel. Strive to create an orderly and harmonious environment at work and at home.

Pretty accurate, huh? I think it was kinda spooky that they knew me. Some of the careers those two freaks suggested suck ass. Family Physician is the only decent job they mention, and thats just because it pays pretty well. It says I should be a Fashion merchandiser or a personal counselor. Right. Probation Officer or Inn keeper. Do they still have Inn keepers? Is this the 1800s? And a probation officer? What the hell? I'd just send all the bad guys back to jail. Why isn't porn star or rock star on the list? Can I pay off those dudes to put that on the list? Briggs & Myers should get with the guys who told me I was a genius, and that I'm going to invent the future of mankind. Could I do that if I'm an innkeeper? Chas The Revolutionary Inn Keeper? I could find a cure for cancer in between telling people that the "Spank-tra-vision" is on channel 69 in their room, and that if they need clean towels just dial 0.

Friday Feast

Appetizer - Who is the one person you email more often than anyone else? Tina

Soup - So far, which year of your life has been the most enjoyable? My first, all i had to do was eat, sleep and shit.

Salad - Name someone with whom you have lost touch but would like to reunite. Too many to name. Send me an email.

Main Course - What was the tastiest meal you had this past week? Quesadillas made with my new Salton™ Brand Santa Fe Quesadilla Maker. Available at finer department stores everywhere.

Dessert - Using the letters in your favorite color, write three words that describe your personality. Really Extremely Dorky.

Hootie makes me uncomfortable

This commercial is just too weird. How low has Hootie sunk when he's singing bluegrass on a BK commercial. I'm sure they're just trying to be campy and like an Old Navy commercial, but its just creepy. Hootie needs a job more than I do. I'm sure they're trying to do some kinda innuendo with the girls dancing with the buckets of ranch dressing, but its just weird.

What's your take? Hit comments and release your inner Hootie.

The News Of The World Ain't Good.

SAD: The Queen Of England met the Four of the greatest guitarists ever. Her response: "And what do you?"
SAD: Ozzy grabs his daughter's boob. The poor bastard probably didn't even know who he was grabbing.
SAD: Pamela Anderson doesn't want to strip any more.
SAD: Charlie Sheen dumps Denise Richards. What a scumbag. I got two words for him: Wild Things. Rent it, sitcom boy.

Like James Brown says, "Fellas, things done got too far gone."

New Month

Its March first, and while I'm not living in a house with D-List celebrities, it has been a Surreal Life.

During the month of February I've:

• Turned 32
  
• Interviewed 3.5 Celebrities
  
• Got mentioned in a national newspaper
  
• Been Fired
  
• Made at least 3 people cry
  
• Seen a new ultrasound of the baby
  
• Interviewed the first black president, and a civil rights leader
  
• Signed the contract to build my house
  
• Not killed myself or been killed by anyone.
  

Like they say, March comes in like a lion but leaves like a lamb. I hope so. Its gonna be an interesting year.

I'm Lois Lane

Congratulations! You are Susan Mayer, the divorcee
and single mom who will go to extraordinary
lengths for love.
Which Desperate Housewife are you?
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Tuesday Twosome

1. Are you craving anything and if so, what? Vicodin injected right into my sinuses. Other than that, Quesadillas, made with my new Salton© Brand Quesadilla maker.
2. What is the weather outside, and do you wish it would change? Its just changed from rainy to sunny, and thats playing hell with my head, so I'll take any kind of weather, just as long as it stays the same.
3. What two websites do you think you will go to next after you are finished here? Fark.com or Drudgereport.com
4. Do you wish you were somewhere else and if so, where? Jenna Jameson's drawz
5. Do you wish you were someone else, and if so, who? Howard Stern

Oscars, etc.

1. Do you like awards shows? If you do, what do you like best about them? If you're not a fan, tell us why. I usually like the music-related ones, just because you see people play music, and musicians know the shows are bogus, and its just an industry's attempt at auto-fellatio. I watched the Oscars this year because I was over by a friends house with some friends and it was a good ending to a really really fucked-up few days.

This year's show was OK. Chris Rock seemed so out of place. It was like the ABC execs were keeping his pets hostage so he wouldn't make trouble. They did keep the show going fast by giving out awards in the audience. There were no of those cheezy song-and-dance number. It would be terrible to see Chris Rock doing a tribute to the Aviator by singing and dancing in an Aviator costume.

2. Which awards show is your favorite? Are there any awards shows you can live without? My favorite is the MTV music awards, just because its not usual top 40 people, and there none of those retarded categories like "Best CD spine art direction by a group or duo - Jazz." I can live without all the awards shows. I agree with Chris Rock... not only is it ridiculous for an industry to tell itself how great it is... but its also ridiculous to give an award on something as subjective as art.

3. Do you tune into the red carpet specials before the awards shows? Sometimes, if there's nothing else on. I can't take Joan and Melissa, and it'll be a cold day in hell before I watch 2 seconds of that pig Star Jones.

~ BONUS ~ Have you ever been to an awards show or to the red carpet? Is there one that you'd like to attend? Or would you be more interested in the after-show parties with the star I've never been to an awards show, but the Atlanta Grammy Chapter gives away awards for lifetime achievement, and I've been to that once. I saw James Brown and Bo Diddley sitting at the same table cracking jokes.. then I turned around and bump into TLC (the two not-dead members), then I made smalltalk at the bar with Nelson Eddy (the guy who made the Peter Gunn theme). It was cool. I'd love to go to the MTV Music Awards. Prince threw a Grammy afterparty last month, I'd give my left nut to show up there.

Monday Madness

1. What time is it right now? 9:30 am
2. What are you usually doing at this time on any given day? The same things I'm doing today. Sitting at the computer, listening to Stern, wasting my day away.
3. Is there a day of the week that time seems to fly by faster than the other days? They all seem to drag on.
4. If you could make ONE hour of each day twice as long, which hour of the day would you choose? Guess. :)
5. If you could make one DAY of the week twice as long, which day would you choose? Friday, people just seem to have a different vibe right before the weekend.
6. If you could make one hour and/or one day HALF as long, which time of the day, and which day of the week would you choose? When I'm taking a shit. It brings my productivity down.
7. Do you agree with the following statement? "The older you get, the faster time goes by." Nope.
8. What do you usually do during your "down time?" Sit here in front of the computer.
9. What one thing do you spend more time doing each day than anything else? eating.

Cast Off

Dolphin
How beautiful do the words have to be
Before they conquer every heart?
How will you know if I'm even in the right key
If you make me stop before I start?

If I came back as a dolphin
Would you listen to me then?
Would you let me be your friend?
Would you let me in?
you can cut off all my fins
But to your ways I will not bend
I'll die before I let you tell me how to swim
And I'll come back again as a dolphin

Why does my brother have to go hungry
When you told him there was food for all?
This is the man that stands next to the man
That stands to catch you when you fall

HOW DO YOU SLEEP?

Mr. Jacko Head!

Look at My Mr. Jacko Head. I tried to make him look as normal as I could, but some things are just impossible. I think the dangling baby in his hand is a nice touch. Now your turn, make your own Mr. Jacko Head! 

Evening Edition

• Its late, you're drunk, you're on the way home... you turn the corner and who do you see? BATMAN. How the hell do you explain to the insurance company that you were drunk driving and crashed into THE BATMOBILE? I'm sure the guy was thinking, "What the hell did they put in my beer???"
  
• Get it straight, Marcia from Desperate Housewives... not a lesbian. Patty Bouvier from The Simpsons... lesbian.
  
• This pisses me off:
  I'm not the number one Bush supporter in the world. I may not respect him as a person, but I respect the office. The Belgians are selling Bush urinal targets. My feeling is, nobody messes with our President but us. These Belgians have done nothing to make the world a better place. What has their contribution been? Waffles? Sprouts? Dr. Evil? These douchebags and the French can defend themselves the next time someone bends them over and has their way with them.
  
  
• Fred Powers: International Buffoon Of Mystery. We saw him on TV last night for 3 minutes being chased around by a Police Drill Sergeant at the Police Academy, yelling at him. No type of context, no type of journalistic merit. His actual piece was interesting, it was about Police recruits' final night of training. But after the piece ran, out came the screaming and guns. Yes, it was good TV, but was it news? What did we accomplish by seeing him run around shooting a paintball gun? It was funny, thats about it.

  Meanwhile, I interviewed a civil rights legend, Rep. John Lewis and the new face of the democratic party, Senator Barak Obama. Neither of which made it to air beyond a 20 second story. These are men who have an unbelievable burden thrust upon them. Imagine having the hopes and dreams of not only a political party, but also a race on your shoulders. Lewis marched with MLK, was beaten by police while marching for black voting rights in the '60s. He did it to bring a bright future for people like Obama, who is the only black Senator. While shooting the story, I saw the titans of the civil rights struggle file in past me at Rep. Lewis' Birthday Ceremony... I guess if they had a drill sergeant chasing them with a paintball gun, it would've gotten more than 20 seconds of air time. They face unbelievable challenges, and have a compelling story. But we didn't have time to tell it, because Fred Powers needed time to run around getting shot with paintballs and get yelled at.

Assignment Desk Quote Of The Day

"Paris Hilton would be a good kidnapping target."

Since the hackers got into her sidekick, how much harder would it be to snatch her. I did gain a little more respect for "Idiot Savant-utante" when I saw the hot pics of her making out with some other broad on her PDA.

They Remembered! It was nice to get a birthday message from Howard Stern's Vagina Corner. 

Assignment Desk Quote Of The Day

"Dude, I'd move to Rio de Janeiro in a minute... I love the music."

I Rue The Day

Aging Celebs

Hey Teens!
Its been a while since I've posted, because I've been busier than a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest.
My moment of Zen today was walking in the Green Room, and Cybill Shepherd telling me, "I'm about to go on live TV, and I've got camel toe."
I brought her to the station to do an interview on Irritable Bowel Syndrome. She's shilling some new drug for it.
My experience with this aging model, way past her prime:
She's scheduled to come in for 10:30... She shows up at 10 so they can put on her make-up and get past "security" (the receptionist). So when I walk in at 10:05, and everyone's looking at me saying, "YOUR GIRLFRIEND'S IN THE GREEN ROOM, WHERE'VE YOU BEEN?" I sigh, "Its gonna be one of those days."
I go in to say hi, and she orders me to come back at 10:30. Great.
When I return, she looks at me and says, "I'm about to go on TV, and I've got camel toe." Time stood still as I pondered that statement. Her hangers-on, looking equally mortified, said nothing. Should I offer to pull it out? Should I leave? Should I look? I said, "Um, Let me know when you're ready."
We go to the studio. Then she starts in on the lighting. "There's a shadow on my nose," "Can you move that light? (the one thats bolted to the ceiling)". I give the hangers-on the stink-eye. They understand and tell her, "You look faaaaabulous."
Then she starts on the camera shots. "Shoot me from the T's up" Thats Cybill-speak for Tits and above. Apparently she doesn't want anyone to see that she's let herself go. I have no room to talk, but then again, I'm not on the TV or trying to pass myself off as a model. So we shoot her tight. She wants it tighter. The camera guy looks at me and says "She's insane." I turn and give her people the stink-eye again. They placate her again.
She does her spiel about the fucking shit medicine. Five minutes later she's done. All that agita for five fucking minutes. Walking out, I ask her to autograph the CD that her PR people sent me. She then gets pissed at me for not having a copy out on the set for her to promote. This bitch recorded the damn thing, you'd think she could remember it. Just Maybe? Hello?
While walking out of the studio, I mention to her that we share the same birthday. She goes off on a rant about her being on the cusp of pisces. I'm thinking that a perfect birthday gift would be to her leave really fast.
She did. I returned to the newsroom, where I got teased for bringing such a freak to the station.
Now in contrast, I met sexy TV letter-turner Vanna White on Sunday. She was kind, polite, and a class act. She answered every question with a smile, she spoke in soundbites, she held up the paper for the white balance, she even put on her own microphone. We seemed very genuine. Coincidentally, she and I share a birthday as well. How random is it that I meet two celebs that have the same birthday as me, during the week of my birthday?
In other news, I turn to The Drudge Report for news, but he's pissed me off. Earlier this week, he ran a story about how the Oscar people are worried because Chris Rock made some comments about the Oscars. Drudge claims that the Oscar people are re-thinking their decision to have Chris Rock host the snoozefest. Surely they heard his act and surely they know what type of comedian he is. If Matt Drudge think that the producers of the Oscars just randomly picked a comedian to host, he's on crack. The awards shows are pompous and useless, no straight black men watch the oscars, and people giving awards for a subjective thing like art is ludicrous. These are true. Chris Rock said those things in a stand up act. Its entertainment. Does Drudge really thing Chris is doing phone surveys to the African-American community due to his hatred of the awards shows?

Anywayz, Tuesday Is Choose Day, Would you rather:

• eat nothing but food from the ocean for the rest of your life OR nothing but food from cans for the rest of your life? Food from the sea easily. I'm all about the seafood. Tonight I ate at the best seafood restaurant in the ATL, Six Feet Under. Fried Erstaz, Fried Scrimpz and a piece of cod. It was the best thing outside of New Orleans.
  
• x-ray vision OR super hearing? X-Ray Vision. Every day would be a trip to the nude beach.
  
• one wish granted today OR three wishes granted ten years from now? What if I wished for two more wishes with my one with today? I would wait for the 10 years, cuz that would give me time to think about three really cool wishes.
  
• have a threesome with dr. ruth and brad pitt OR jennifer garner and maury povich? Jennifer Garner. Maury ain't gotten wood since he was on A Current Affair, so he wouldn't be in the way.

What do you think? Hit comments and release your inner Maddie Hayes.

I can live it up gangsta style

Kip Dynamite

Which Napoleon Dynamite character are you?
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Thursday Thoughts

Nothing is certain but death and taxes --Benjamin Franklin

Onesome: Nothing is certain- Have you ever thought you had "Sure Thing?" Did it pay off or not? I always like the sure thing. There's really no such thing as a sure thing. Sometimes you get lucky, just be happy with it. Sometimes you eat the bear, sometimes the bear eats you. I work in live TV, so there ain't no sure things.

Twosome: But death- Do you believe in life after death? I would like to think so. If so, I better bring some sunscreen and banana boat.

Threesome: and taxes- Have you got all your tax documents squared away and ready to work on? Or are you one of the people at the post office on April 15th? I've already done them and pretty much spent the money already. :)

1. What were the last 3 fun things you've done with friends/coworkers/etc.? a. Went to a chic-chic Jezebel Party and laughed at the clowns and whores. b. the ultrasounds c. bought a house d. chased Zoë around the house

2. What did you do/Where did you go on your last 3 vacations? Savannah, Florida, and New Orleans.

3. Name off your top 3 most memorable moments, even if it's laughing at someone falling on their butt. a. Audobon Road (Bino will be happy to tell that story!) b. Jose at Macaroni Grill c. I can't name just 3... life is made up of memorable moments.

I love rap music

TV Themes

Whats your favorite TV Theme song? These guys are listing the top 100. Hit comments and list your favorites.

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Which Website are You?

I love surprise endings

I've had the shittiest day ever. But this turned things around.

Tuesday is Choose Day

Would you rather:

1. uncontrolably burp loudly while meeting the queen of england OR fart silently, but deadly, while meeting the pope? Cut a fart with the Pope. I could just blame it on him.
   
2. punch a stranger in the face OR kick your mother in the shin? Punch the stranger. You don't know him, and if he swings back, you can punch him again.
   
3. have a reputation for sleeping around OR a reputation for being a hermit? What about sleeping around with a hermit? Hmmmm Sleeping around.
   
4. live where the temperature never goes below 80°F (26°C) OR where it never goes above 60°F (15°C)? Without a doubt, where the temperature never gets below 80! I hate the cold.

Under the weather...
1. What is worse: having the flu or getting your wisdom teeth pulled? I've never had my wisdom teeth pulled, but I've had the flu. I can live with the flu, and it'll eventually go away. The wisdom teeth thing sounds painful, but that pain eventually goes away. I'd say the teeth sounds more painful.
2. What are two "comfort" foods you want when you are sick/ill? None in particular, just having your stomach full is good enough.
3. When sick, do you need somebody to take care of you or you can take care of yourself? Myself.
4. When you start to feel ill, do you go straight to the medicine cabinet to pop pills or do you wait it out to see how bad it will get?
Pop a pill. I go through so many pills. Pain relievers, stomach pills, and of course, sinus tablets.
5. What are two things you do to help prevent illness (vitamins, eat healthy, etc.)? Stay the hell away from sick people, and I occasionally take vitamins, when I remember..

The Super Bowl
1. How much of this year's Super Bowl did you watch? Do you watch any of the pre-game hype? I watched a little of it. None of the pre-game hype because I didn't really give a shit.

2. What was your favorite commercial during the Super Bowl? Least favorite? The GoDaddy.com wardrobe malfunction one! The rest were boring. Thanks again Janet.

3. Did you like the half-time show? It was OK. I love Paul McCartney, but it was so toned down and devoid of spectacle, that it came off kinda bland. I've seen Paul live and even live on video, and he's a much more dynamic performer, so I guess he's getting old and they told him not to play around.

4. What's your favorite food to eat while watching the Super Bowl? None in particular. I'm quite fond of eating cool ranch doritoes at any point in the day though.

~ BONUS ~ A lot has been made over the years about the post-Super Bowl slot to highlight or launch TV shows. It was the post-Super Bowl spot that brought us the A-Team and the Wonder Years. Do you stay up to watch the post-Super Bowl shows? What is the most memorable post-Super Bowl show you've seen? I can't remember that many of the post-Super bowl shows. I remember the 2nd season of 'Survivor' started after the 2001 Super Bowl. That was a big deal. I didn't watch it though. This year's post SB shows were OK. It was an OK episode of the Simpsons (which is funnier than 95% of whats on TV today!), and this new show called American Dad. It was bland like the rest of the Super Bowl.

You know you're a Prince fan if.....

If you know me personally, you know I'm a huge prince fan. I've seen him live 20 times... I've travelled to the desolate lands of Minneapolis to see him play for 7 nights in a row. Now the rest of the country knows I'm a Prince freak, thanks to USA Today. I was quoted in the cover story of Friday's Life Section. Its one of those things where you're not sure if you should be proud or ashamed. I'm proud of it, its cool to see your name in print. :) Screw you if you don't agree.

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Jack Osbourne wants to be a fireman. If Fred Powers can barely make it through 3 minutes of training (and he's an in-shape gay guy), do you think Jack Osbourne can make it through? How many milliseconds do you think will elapse between Jack being told to charge into a burning building and him running home to the mansion? I admire anyone who tries to do something to help society, especially something dangerous like a firefighter. I just don't have a whole lot of faith in young Jack.

More of my worthless thoughts

1. What is your favorite restaurant to visit for breakfast and what do you order? Waffle House, I get the regular breakfast stuff, I only eat there late late at night.

2. Do you have any unique ability like those who appear on David Letterman's "Stupid Human Tricks?" If so, how did you learn you had this talent? There's no trick to being a stupid human.

3. There are plenty of sites on the internet for pen pals; some of them are specifically designed for communicating with people in prison. Have you ever or would you begin corresponding with a stranger who was in prison? Umm no, who the hell wants to talk to a prisoner?

4. Name two questions you have always wanted to ask a pair of identical twins. If they're the hot twins in the porn flicks, "Can I see yall make out?" and "Hey, what was Bob Saget like?"

5. If you looked back at your high school yearbook photos, what is more embarrassing? Your hair, your clothes, your glasses, or your complexion? Its embarrasing because I was a thousand pounds smaller... though I did have some big 80's glasses when I was a sophomore.

6. If you had to change the color of one of the following, which would you change and why: the walls in your living room, your car, or your eyes. None of them. I like all those colors. white living room, black car, and green eyes.

Je te suis, tu me fuis, je te fuis, tu me suis

Go Daddy.

This is quite simply the best Super Bowl commercial that never aired. I watched some of the game, and just as was predicted, the commercials sucked. They were basically the same commericials you'd see any other day of the week, or any other football game. The game itself wasn't really that exciting either. Who cares. I didn't have any money on it or anything.

Wanna make your next dinner party super memorable?

Try some Pornographic Pastries. Who thinks of this stuff?

Somebody Got It Right

Somebody got it right about our "year of living indecently." I hope there's some kind of bombshell dropped on this year's Super Bowl. Fuck Michael Powell.

Friday Feast

In the mood for a real challenge? Try the world's smallest Pac-Man Game.

I love swag. You can call it payola, freebies, whatever, I like getting it. I get quite a bit of free shit. I have a ton of coffee cups on my desk, yet I don't drink coffee. I've gotten tickets to more movies and concerts than I can attend. And I've even gotten an expensive home appliance, because the lady demonstrating it was too lazy to put it back in the box. "Just keep it." Thanks. The reasoning is, a PR firm gives you free stuff you'll give them free exposure. Sometimes yes, sometimes no. Today I got a big box of free shit. Among the highlights, an advance copy of "The Notebook" on DVD, and a big cookie on a stick. Not bad. Good for re-gifting if you're so inclined. So I give thanks to the PR Flacks around the world. They make a shitty job worth doing.

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Appetizer - If you were a dog, what breed would you be, and why? A Mutt. I'd like to be a little of everything.
Soup - What does the color purple make you think of? heheheh What do you think? :)
Salad - Approximately how long does it take you to get ready each morning? 30 Minutes.
Main Course - How many cousins do you have, and are you close to them? I have 11 first cousins, and I'm not sure how many 2nd cousins. I'm close to my two little cousins, because I'm close to my uncle their Dad.
Dessert - Take your initials (first, middle, last) and come up with something else those letters could stand for. Chinks Gone Wild.

Say Hello To My Li'l Friend

Dick Cheney Kicks It Lil Havana style. This is a perfect example of simple technology made greater by creativity.

Britney's a bad influence

"Sleep with me, I'm not too young."

What is your favorite style of music (and/or your favorite song) to listen to while relaxing or drifting off to sleep? How about silence?

Would you rather:
1. be abducted by aliens OR be abducted by the government?By the aliens. Cuz if nothing else, you'd see aliens while you're getting anally probed
2. be a united states senator OR a mafia kingpin?Mafia Kingpin, no doubt. They really don't do a whole lot of work, mostly just make decisions, eat a lot, wear pinky rings, and shoot people.
3. only wear lime green clothes OR wear any color you want but only with combat boots?With the combat boots. Cuz you could cover them. stupid questions
4. be mistaken as someone who did a hit-and-run accident OR a kidnapper?Thats a hard one. If I had to choose, it would be kidnapper, cuz you could kidnap someone and release them without hurting them.

1. Are you more likely to rent or buy DVD's (VHS's)? Why? Buy DVDs. I like to watch them more than once. But it depends on the movie.
2. If you rent DVD's, do you bother viewing the 'Behind the Scenes' or watching the entire movie again with commentary on? Aw hell yeah. I love all that stuff. I've learned more about movie-making from the commentaries than any of my film classes in college.
3. Do you think these features warrant the extra cost for DVD? (Afterall, we were able to buy new release VHS for $9.99 prior to DVD). DVD prices are dropping, and you can get a DVD for $9.99, and the prices are equal to what VHS tapes used to be. Its a perfect example of the market place dictating the direction the industry should go. Laser Discs were superior products to DVDs, but nobody wanted them. Beta tapes were way superior to VHS tapes, but nobody bought them. In fact, some TV stations still use digital beta tapes to shoot stories on.
4. What's your favorite DVD (or VHS) in:

• Drama Can't think of any right now.


• Comedy Austin Powers 1-3, Vacation, Spinal Tap, Anchorman... they all have a good amount of extras.


• Action Die Hard is the only one I can think of.


• Suspense/Thriller Silence Of The Lambs (+the sequels)


• Horror I don't like Horror flicks, they're usually corny.

How Your Attitude Ranks

Your Attitude is Better than 50% of the Population If you scored... 80-100: You've got a winner attitude. You're always optimistic and cheery. Your personality will get you far in life. 60-79: You have a good attitude. While a realist, you do see the positive side of most things. People love to be around you. 40 - 59: You have a positive attitude... somtimes. You prefer to see the world through clear glasses, not rose colored ones. 20 - 39: You have an average attitude. You take the good and bad in life as they come. Though sometimes you could use a little more good. 0-19: You have a negative attitude. You tend to see the dark side of every situation. Free ice cream? No thanks, it will just make you fat!

How's Your Attitude?

cheap thrills

How can something so simple be so much fun?