This guy's doing a one man show, in which he tells the entire Star Wars Trilogy in one hour. I understand his liking Star Wars and stuff, but to take a one-man-show of it on tour is just ridiculous. I watched about 30-seconds of the show on his website, and that was just about all I could take. I usually giggle a little when I see Star Wars parodies and the like, but this takes the cake. The only thing worse is the Star Wars skit on Donnie And Marie in the 1970s. OH, and that stupid Christmas Special that no one ever wants to bring up. I did laugh my ass off at the 'Star Wars Kid' that was making its way across the net... but that poor kid didn't exactly want the fame. I don't think I could sit through an hour of basically some dork doing exactly what the Star Wars Kid did. Except he's charging people $25 to watch him do it. I hear he's also doing a one-man-show of the Lord Of The Rings trilogy as well. I guess everyone's got a right to make a buck. May the force be with him.
Thursday, January 13, 2005
Today's Most Pathetic Item
This guy's doing a one man show, in which he tells the entire Star Wars Trilogy in one hour. I understand his liking Star Wars and stuff, but to take a one-man-show of it on tour is just ridiculous. I watched about 30-seconds of the show on his website, and that was just about all I could take. I usually giggle a little when I see Star Wars parodies and the like, but this takes the cake. The only thing worse is the Star Wars skit on Donnie And Marie in the 1970s. OH, and that stupid Christmas Special that no one ever wants to bring up. I did laugh my ass off at the 'Star Wars Kid' that was making its way across the net... but that poor kid didn't exactly want the fame. I don't think I could sit through an hour of basically some dork doing exactly what the Star Wars Kid did. Except he's charging people $25 to watch him do it. I hear he's also doing a one-man-show of the Lord Of The Rings trilogy as well. I guess everyone's got a right to make a buck. May the force be with him.
Assignment Desk Quote Of The Day
"That's some serious chocolate. You just had a chocolate speedball."
Midweek Music Question
If you could make, or remake, a music video of any song, what song would it be and what would the video be like? Bonus points for casting roles and describing plot/theme/etc.
Sign O' The Times - Prince. The video he made basically just has the words scrolling across the screen. I think I could remake it with clips from the news. The things he talked about in 1987 are relevent TODAY:
"In France a skinny man died with a big disease with a little name..."
AIDS: the average life span of a male in Africa is 33, thanks to AIDS
At home there are seventeen-year-old boys And their idea of fun Is being in a gang called the disciples...
Gangs: Just get off the wrong exit in Atlanta, and you'll definately see how relevant these lyrics are.
"Hurricane Annie ripped the ceiling off a church and killed everyone inside/You turn on the telly and every other story is telling you somebody died"
Hurricanes/Natural Disasters: 4 Hurricanes hit Florida, The Tsunami in South Asia, & the Mudslides in California
"A sister killed her baby cuz she couldn't afford to feed it..."
Child Abuse: I can't tell you how many stories I've written about scumbags who killed or abuse their kids.
"In September my cousin tried reefer for the very first time, now he's doing horse, its june."
Kids doing Crack: Go to any high school and ask whose got the hook up, and it'll astound you how young the kids that are selling.
"Is it silly no, when a rocket ship explodes, and everybody still wants to fly."
Rocket Ships Exploding: The Columbia tragedy.
Download the song, and tell me what you think.
Wednesday, January 12, 2005
But wait... there's more!
I AM 66% ASSHOLE/BITCH!  I am abrasive, some people really hate me, but there may be a group of other tight knit assholes and bitches that I can hang out with and get me. Everybody else? Fuck ‘em. |
Shout At The Devil, I'm not metal enough!
I AM 36% METAL HEAD!  Most other metal-heads acknowledge my presence, but they laugh at me behind my back. Maybe I need to stop spending all that money on haircuts and invest in a few Pantera T-shirts. |
Re-Enacting The Jackson Trial
In their latest ploy to convince you that their an actual network, E! has announced it will re-enact the Michael Jackson trial. I think they've sunk to a new low. While I applaud their ingenuity, I can just see some out of work actor getting dressed up in the Zippered Jacket and one glove. I think when they re-enact the jesus juice episode, they'll have the kid from Jerry McGuire playing the role of "Accuser #1."
Who will play the other Jacksons and key players?
Hit comments and release your inner Speilberg.
Assignment Desk Quote Of The Day
"I knew a guy who fought in the pacific theater, and he said they used to drink the stuff they put in rocket fuel."
Tuesday, January 11, 2005
Daughters...
On behalf of every man, looking out for every girl
You are the god and the weight of her world
So fathers be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers be good to your daughters, too
Two For Tuesday
1. Two celebs that you feel are the most overexposed: A) Anyone whose last name is Simpson (and isn't animated), we know they look hot and they're stupid and can't sing, yay Jessica, Ashlee and OJ! and B) Paris Hilton. This idiot takes a shit and there's a story about it. Drunk, Rich and Stupid is no way to go through life.
2. Two news items you wish the press would stop talking about: A) This is totally politically incorrect, but I'm tired of hearing about the Tsunami... I know that there's 200-Thousand people dead, and hundreds of thousand of more people without a home and up to their ass in trash and disease, but it just depresses me. It reminds you that no matter how much we fuck with the environment, Mother Nature is still in control. I encourage everyone to give time or money to the relief effort. But I don't think we need to see their plight every night on the news. Its like after 9/11, we didn't need to see the planes crashing into the building 50 times a day. However, I think since the people affected have brown skin, it'll be out of the news in about a month. and B) the Brad and Jennifer split. People get divorced every day... Famous people get divorced every day... Stupid Famous people get divorced every day... Do we have to have them shoved down our throats? They each make $27 Million for their bad acting, and we're supposed to feel sorry for them? We're supposed to feel sad because their love affair is over? Tough Shit. Life shits on you. Welcome to the real world. Fight Club was just a movie for Brad, but for the 99.9% of the rest of the world, its daily life.
3. A) Two songs that you are tired of hearing on the radio: Anything by an American Idol douchebag, or B) with Lil Jon yellin on it.
4. Two TV shows that should NOT be renewed for another reason: A) Any Reality Show B) Any sitcom that has any family in it.
5. Two movies (that are currently showing) that you would recommend. HhMmMmMm. I haven't been in a while. A) Rent Garden State and B) Napoleon Dynamite.
"Ya know how when you're shittin in the woods and you're on heroin..." - Artie Lange
2. Two news items you wish the press would stop talking about: A) This is totally politically incorrect, but I'm tired of hearing about the Tsunami... I know that there's 200-Thousand people dead, and hundreds of thousand of more people without a home and up to their ass in trash and disease, but it just depresses me. It reminds you that no matter how much we fuck with the environment, Mother Nature is still in control. I encourage everyone to give time or money to the relief effort. But I don't think we need to see their plight every night on the news. Its like after 9/11, we didn't need to see the planes crashing into the building 50 times a day. However, I think since the people affected have brown skin, it'll be out of the news in about a month. and B) the Brad and Jennifer split. People get divorced every day... Famous people get divorced every day... Stupid Famous people get divorced every day... Do we have to have them shoved down our throats? They each make $27 Million for their bad acting, and we're supposed to feel sorry for them? We're supposed to feel sad because their love affair is over? Tough Shit. Life shits on you. Welcome to the real world. Fight Club was just a movie for Brad, but for the 99.9% of the rest of the world, its daily life.
3. A) Two songs that you are tired of hearing on the radio: Anything by an American Idol douchebag, or B) with Lil Jon yellin on it.
4. Two TV shows that should NOT be renewed for another reason: A) Any Reality Show B) Any sitcom that has any family in it.
5. Two movies (that are currently showing) that you would recommend. HhMmMmMm. I haven't been in a while. A) Rent Garden State and B) Napoleon Dynamite.
"Ya know how when you're shittin in the woods and you're on heroin..." - Artie Lange
Monday, January 10, 2005
Afternoon Delight
now ya know!- British people are weird. Here's the top 3 singles
1. ‘Jailhouse Rock’ – Elvis Presley Came out in 1957!
2. ’Against All Odds’ – Steve Brookstein A Remake of a lame Phil Collins 80s Tune
3. ‘The Number Of The Beast’ – Iron Maiden Came out in 1982!
As if our top 10 is any better. Oh well. - Hip Hop Turns 30 this year.
- According to SalaryClock, Britney Spears made $2,116.60 in the time it took me to type this entry. I hate her.
Morning Edition (well my morning, at least)
1. My lucky number is 69.
2. My favorite day of the week is Friday because I get paid on every other one.
3. I spend about 20hours/minutes on the phone a week, and 10 of those are long distance.
4. My favorite cereal is Fr00t L00ps.
5. One hobby of mine is messing with this webpage.
6. I wish I could spend more time drinking.
7. I wish I could spend less time shitting.
8. I am really proud of my lack of a job that I requires me to work.
2. My favorite day of the week is Friday because I get paid on every other one.
3. I spend about 20hours/minutes on the phone a week, and 10 of those are long distance.
4. My favorite cereal is Fr00t L00ps.
5. One hobby of mine is messing with this webpage.
6. I wish I could spend more time drinking.
7. I wish I could spend less time shitting.
8. I am really proud of my lack of a job that I requires me to work.
Sunday, January 09, 2005
StrangeLove
Strange ain't the word for the new VH1 Show with Flavor Flav and Bigfoot. I think these two are meant for each other. They're two polar opposites, brought together by their mutual eccentricity. He, the ghetto jester raised on hip-hop... and she, the former fashion model turned sasquatch, bred on the finer things. You have to admire their chutzpah, Flav flies across the world to try and rip her away from the Italian boytoy to whom she's engaged. A romantic gesture doomed from the beginning. Flav's tenacity is second to none. He knows he's totally no good for her, she knows she can never be with a guy like him. Despite that, he knows in his heart he needs to be with her. Not for the fame, not for the fortune (unless they really believe there's no such thing as bad publicity). Maybe he sees in her everything he isn't: a strong sophisticated person who grabs life by horns and doesn't let go and can survive anything. Maybe she sees in him everything she isn't: someone with a big heart, and lets it all hang out without a care... or maybe thats what makes them the same. Maybe she sees in him a lost soul with no road map. You can see this when he gets angry whenever he feels inadequate, like when she tells him to take out his gold toofs. Beyond all of that, he knows its love. He knows what he feels for her. He's gotta know she's never going to drop everything and be Mrs. Flav. But he knows its love, and for a few fleeting moments he wanted to feel that fire. Love is like a dying ember, and only memories remain. Will they get together and walk down that aisle at the funky Vegas wedding chapel? Only time will tell... or you can just watch the show.
He came from somewhere back in her long ago
The sentimental fool don't see
Tryin' hard to recreate
What had yet to be created once in her life
She musters a smile
For his nostalgic tale
Never coming near what he wanted to say
Only to realize
It never really was
She had a place in his life
He never made her think twice
As he rises to her apology
Anybody else would surely know
He's watching her go
But what a fool believes he sees
No wise man has the power to reason away
What seems to be
Is always better than nothing
And nothing at all keeps sending him...
Somewhere back in her long ago
Where he can still believe there's a place in her life
Someday, somewhere, she will return
She had a place in his life
He never made her think twice
As he rises to her apology
Anybody else would surely know
He's watching her go
But what a fool believes he sees
No wise man has the power to reason away
What seems to be
Is always better than nothing
There's nothing at all
But what a fool believes he sees...
Saturday, January 08, 2005
Patrick's Place
Patrick's Place:1. READER'S CHOICE QUESTION #38: If you could live in a foreign country(or city) for one year, which would you choose and why? Mexico. Its sooo much fun. and they have Mexican food there... and mexican women.
2. READER'S CHOICE QUESTION #39: Did you have a security blanket, stuffed animal or toy that you were attached to as a child? Do you still have it? Nope.
3. READER'S CHOICE QUESTION #40: Favorite alcoholic beverage? Jack & Coke, but I don't drink that much. I abuse my body too many other ways.
4. READER'S CHOICE QUESTION #41: What was your favorite cartoon as a child? Tom & Jerry.
5. READER'S CHOICE QUESTION #42: Is there a chore you enjoy doing? Vacuuming, thanks to the badass Dyson.
6. READER'S CHOICE QUESTION #43: A time machine will let you travel 10 years into either the past of future. Which would you choose and why? The future, definately. The past is the past, let it go. The experiences of the past make us who we are, why change that?
2. READER'S CHOICE QUESTION #39: Did you have a security blanket, stuffed animal or toy that you were attached to as a child? Do you still have it? Nope.
3. READER'S CHOICE QUESTION #40: Favorite alcoholic beverage? Jack & Coke, but I don't drink that much. I abuse my body too many other ways.
4. READER'S CHOICE QUESTION #41: What was your favorite cartoon as a child? Tom & Jerry.
5. READER'S CHOICE QUESTION #42: Is there a chore you enjoy doing? Vacuuming, thanks to the badass Dyson.
6. READER'S CHOICE QUESTION #43: A time machine will let you travel 10 years into either the past of future. Which would you choose and why? The future, definately. The past is the past, let it go. The experiences of the past make us who we are, why change that?
I'm an OutKast B-Side
|
I Like the Way You Move by Outkast |
"There, there on the dance floor Now they got me in the middle Feelin like a man whore" You've had better years, but you're still feeling fine! |
Friday, January 07, 2005
Evening Dispatch
- I've found my true worth at my job. Forget my nearly a decade of experience, forget my award-winning writing abilities, or my stellar newscast producing... today my most important assignment: putting a 'Sex And The City' ringtone on my boss's cellphone.
- Speaking of Journalistic high points, the highlight of tonight's broadcast: Fred Powers showed his bandaged staph infection on the air. Luckily the folks at home eating dinner at 6:15 pm didn't get to see what was under the bandage. We in the control room were not so lucky. I may not be able to sleep tonight. I thank da lawd he didn't do a story on his 'roids. Whats the grossest thing you've seen on TV?
- Everywhere I look today, its: Justin and Cameron are engaged. Who gives a shit. These two idiots deserve each other.
May The Hype Be With You
Let the Buzz Begin. I usually avoid Pre-Star Wars movie hype like the plague. In the past its ruined the suspense when the movie finally does come out. Despite that, this is just cool. Vanity Fair has a fold-out cover shot of all the major Star Wars players. To add to the hype, there's even a guy whose already in line for the next movie, even though its 5 months away! He doesn't even know if its going to be at the theater outside which he has planted himself. Now there's talk that Mark Hamill and Kevin Smith are teaming up to do a Star Wars TV show. Call me crazy, call me a nerd, but thats fucking cool. I remember as a young Chas, my dad took me to see Star Wars at a Drive-Inn. Maybe I'll be able to do that with my kid one day.
This month will begin the last season of The Osbournes. I'm kinda glad, its time to give them to rest. I love Ozzy, I love his music, and I love his pre-Reality Show persona. Overnight, he went from the Prince of Fuckin' Darkness, the elder-statesman of Metal to America's Favorite Daddy Doofus. Sure, he made a buttload of money, he's now an even bigger star than before, and his TV show was a hit, and his family members are now household names.... But look what the poor bastard gave up: He lost his privacy, he relapsed into drug use, his ole lady got cancer, and two of his kids went to rehab. Godspeed Osbournes, Godspeed.
And in a shameful ploy for hits, I'm mentioning Ashlee Simpson. This broad gets creepier all the time. First her father had a "Virginity Ceremony" with Jessica Simpson, now Ashlee reveals the Sisters Simpson can each burp the alphabet. Nice. No wonder your no-singin' ass has acid reflux! But she's got talent. Jeez. I hear they can queef the Star Spangled Banner too. In case you missed her getting booed at the Orange Bowl, this guy posted a video clip of it. There's also more hot pictures of Jessica as Daisy Duke in the new Dukes Of Hazzard flick.
And this really taps my nuts... After all the bantering about how digital music downloads are ruining the music busines... CD SALES ACTUALLY WENT UP! Atlanta hometown heroes Usher, Lil Jon and OutKast had record-breaking years. It just goes to show you, the market will straighten itself out. Give people what they want! So to all those RIAA punk ass bitches out there who are suing little old ladies and children and broke college students: eat a dick.
Thursday, January 06, 2005
Fish, Chips and Mushy Peas
Onesome: Fish- Do you have a favorite outdoor hobby or are you a strictly stay at home type? Sheeit, I'm a lazy ass stay at home type.
Twosome: Chips- Do you gamble? Lotto, weekly poker night or weekends in Vegas? I don't gamble, I like my money too much. I don't play lotto because I have such a small chance of winning, my money would just go into some other asswipe's pocket. So screw him! I don't play poker like all these trendy people. I play blackjack online every once in a while, but I don't lose any money that way!
Threesome: and mushy peas- What's the strangest thing you've ever eaten?
No complaints so far. :)
Twosome: Chips- Do you gamble? Lotto, weekly poker night or weekends in Vegas? I don't gamble, I like my money too much. I don't play lotto because I have such a small chance of winning, my money would just go into some other asswipe's pocket. So screw him! I don't play poker like all these trendy people. I play blackjack online every once in a while, but I don't lose any money that way!
Threesome: and mushy peas- What's the strangest thing you've ever eaten?
No complaints so far. :)
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