What would you do in the following situations?

1. The store clerk undercharges you for an item you purchase? Consider myself lucky and move on.
2. The cashier gives you change for a fifty dollar bill when you only gave her a twenty, and you don't realize it until you're out the door? Keep on truckin'! I'm sure this makes me a bad person, but I've been ripped off, its just karma... evening things out.
3. You see your best friend's husband/wife with another woman/man at a neighborhood restaurant? Its ain't my business... keep your mouth shut. Why make someone else's life even more miserable?
4. Your 15 year old asks you if you ever tried an alcoholic beverage before you were of legal drinking age (and you have)? Be honest. If my daughter wants to try alcohol, it will be with me supervising, and it won't be before she's driving, etc. If you keep things from kids, they just want it more.
5. You find a one hundred dollar bill laying on the floor of a department store? I probably wouldn't pick it up. Like Dante said in clerks, people by nature are suspicous, they see money lying around they figure they're being watched. Honesty by paranoia.

01. We all have our own interpretation of cool. What single artist do you think is the King or Queen of Cool and why? Morris Day. He's even got a song about how he's C-O-O-L.

02. What artist(s) or song(s) leaves you COLD ... is there a reason why? I dunno. You guys suggest some.

03. What artist(s), band(s), song title(s) or lyrics come to mind which involve one or all of the following words? cold, cool, ice "In the air tonight," "Frozen," "Ice Ice Baby" hehehe

Whiny people piss me off... two examples:
The rich bastards in Sandy Springs. These assholes have been whining about becoming their own city for years and years. Mostly because they didn't want their precious tax dollars to go to the "darkies" in the dirty south part of Fulton County. So now they're a city, and they're gonna bitch that the county doesn't want to let them use their police and firefighters. Shouldn't they have thought about that during the previous 30 fucking years? So now, those pompous asses are shitting on the Ronald McDonald House. The charity wants to expand its "house" by adding 50-beds. That 50-more parents who don't have to go to a hotel when their children are in the hospital being treated for serious diseases. But God forbid they encroach on those tight-asses homes. I hope they come face to face with an ill child and explain why they don't want their parents in their neighborhood. They should pray like monks that none of *their* kids get sick. I think the Ronald McDonald House should change its name to the "Fuck Sandy Springs House."

Another bunch of whiny bitches: The Airline Industry. First they cry like bitches to the government all the time that they're going out of business because nobody's flying after 911. The government bails them out, which is wrong... they should adapt to the marketplace. Supply and Demand its called. So then, when passenger numbers get back to "pre-911 levels," they start bitching about fuel prices and how they're going to have to pass the prices along to travellers. Wah-Wah. Thats life. Again, supply and demand. People don't want to fly your overpriced airline, drop prices, or give them something more for their money. Now comes the icing on the cake. These whiney fucks are bitching because in the President's new energy bill, he has us starting daylight saving time 3 weeks earlier, and ending it a week later. This will save the country millions of dollars, because people will be turning on their lights later, and not using as much electricity. Plus people will shop longer and will go out to eat more if the sun is out. That helps our economy right? People with more money and more opportunities to spend it. Who wouldn't love that? The airlines. Thats who. These rotten fucks say that it will throw off their international schedules and passengers will be waiting for hours. Wah-Wah. Tough shit. Change your fucking schedules, you got more than a year to deal with this. Bottom line is, most businesses live and die by delivering a product at a price and manner in which people like. Thats why Coke, McDonalds, UPS, and GE are successful. So why does the airline industry believe it does not have to hold itself to that same standard?

Onanii

A number of quick thoughts today:

• I get a mini-vacation tomorrow. Time to let the relatives fawn all over the baby.
  
• Happy Diddling Day!
  
• Jude Law in trouble for doing it with his hot Nanny. Ya know why? Cuz he can. He's Jude Law. I always thought he was half-a-fag. Guess I was wrong.
  
• Colin Farrell pissed cuz his Playboy Playmate Girlfriend wanted to sell the sex tape they made. If you were a pretty boy like Farrell, and had a playmate girlfriend, wouldn't you be showing that shit to all your friends? Him and Jude Law are pretty boy fruits who need some bad press.
  
• Telemarketers want loopholes in the 'Do Not Call' list. Screw them. Telemarketers are a cunthair higher on the food chain than child pornographers. I don't understand how these fuckers can get up and look at themselves in the mirror.
  
• The government slams spammers who send porno emails. Good. Spammers are a cunthair higher on the food chain than Telemarketers.
  
• The video game GTA: San Andreas pulled off the shelf because it has a sexually explicit scene. Imagine that. Now Best Buy and several other stores are taking it off the shelf. But yet they keep thousands of other movies with much worse. What do parents think the video game is about? Its about doing crime and stuff. Attention Parents: do your fucking job, monitor what your kids are doing, and quit ruining it for the rest of us.
  
  

The Aristocrats, Part Deaux

A few weeks ago, I ran across a funny South Park clip and posted a link to it. It was Cartman telling the most disgusting joke ever... and I mean EVER. Apparently the jokes been around for years, and has been evolving, and has taken on a life of its own. In fact now, they're making a movie about it called, what else, The Aristocrats. Its got the top comedians telling the joke and talking about it. The movie probably won't get played anywhere around here, but when it comes on video, I'm sho nuff gonna rent it.

Saturday Night's alright for fighting.

1. how many languages do you speak? Dos, Inglés y Español


2. do/did your parents speak more than one language? Nope, just english.

3. i live in florida, and we have many spanish-only signs/billboards, and it is beneficial to learn spanish. would you learn another language if there was a strong minority presence in your community? Thats partially why I learned Spanish. I lived 8 miles from the Mexican border in McAllen, TX. at least 90% of the population is hispanic. Therefore, you learn spanish or you get talked about and made fun of, right in front of your face. I was working at my Dad's restaurant, and the salad bar ladies did that to me all the time. I let it go, and just gave them the evil eye (good in any language). Meanwhile I was taking Spanish in college, and being that close to Mexico, I was immersed in it, so I picked it up quick. One day, I heard them talking about me, I understood what they were saying, and I just joined in on the conversation. The look on their faces was priceless.

Here in Atlanta, there are sooo many different cultures, that a second language is always helpful. There are schools where 100+ languages are spoken as either a student's first or second language. Despite that, hispanics are the dominant minority, so Spanish is definatley helpful here.

4. many state, federal and local legal forms are available in other languages. my children's school forms are always presented in english, spanish, and haitian creole, and it makes for a lot of money spent on printing for my daughter's school district. do you think that these should ONLY be an english? It depends on the community in which the school is. In your area, those 3 languages are most helpful. In New Haven, Connecticut, it may be OK to just print stuff in english. There are some who will say, "They've come to our country, they should learn our language." Well, english is not, nor will it ever be the "official" language of the United States. And there are many many people who were born here in the U.S. and are just as American as anyone else, but they don't speak english because their parents are immigrants. And what about the people who become citizens, they sometimes don't speak very much english, why should they have to miss out on something.

5. due to the U.S.' being so removed from other languages (as opposed to western europe), we are mainly monolingual (speaking only one language). do you think that there should be a push for americans becoming more multi-lingual, or are we o.k. with knowing just one language? Not until its a hindrance to only speak one language. And that won't happen for many many years.

6. a big controversy has been with 'ebonics,' a term for 'black english.' some people think it's a language, others think it's a dialect of english. ultimately, people who speak 'black english' are usually discriminated against in getting jobs and also housing. do you think that black americans should conform and speak 'standard american english' to get better jobs and housing? why or why not? Ebonics is a word that someone created. Its not a language, or a dialect. Yes, in this country, a dialect in addition to your skin color will get you discriminated against. But you can't change your skin color. You can change how you talk. Unlike those who speak with an hispanic accent, ebonics is an indication of your intelligence. You know the right way to speak, but you choose not to, whether by laziness or societal pressure. How many college professors do you know speak ebonics? How many Rhodes scolars speak in ebonics?

7. i love french ... i speak it, i read it, i watch a huge amount of french cinema. it's very expressive and melodic. what's your favourite language - either to speak, or to listen to? why? Italian, because it reminds me of my relatives and gangstas.

8. i hate listening to german and arabic - i love the people, BUT i find german sounds halting and gutteral, and arabic is so 'throaty' that it just doesn't seem feminine to me. what language do you dislike listening to OR speaking? I agree with those two. When I hear German, I either picture Hitler barking order to the Nazis, or Siegfried and Roy or Mike Myers "Dieter" character. I know those are terrible stereotypes, but I'm a terrible person and thats what the german language sounds like to me. As for Arabic, whenever I hear it I think of terrorists or the guy who runs the Kwik-E-Mart. I expect them to end the conversation with, "Sank you, come again."
What are your thoughts? Hit the comments and release your inner Siegfried and Roy.

Cool Helpful Astounding Sarcasm

I have the weekend off for the first time in forever. Its nice not having to get up for work in the middle of the night! Thanks WSB! jeez. As I listen to Abby coo in the other room, I figure I would spew my wisDUMB upon youz. Enjoy! Remember, you guys get the Employee Discount. You pay what we pay for this web page!

1. What is the last thing you either camped out or got up unusually early to be able to buy? like those kids did with the Harry Potter books? sheeeit not me, man. Not even for concert tickets. I get my Prince tickets a day ahead of time, and its via the net. I did wait in line once for like 3 hours to buy Prince tickets, but that was only because they weren't on sale on the internet (The Tabernacle hadn't come that far at that time). But there's no event I'd camp out for. Case in point: the idiots who waited months in line to see Star Wars... It's the EXACT same movie I saw 10 hours later than the superfans... except I bought my tickets online, and I just walked my happy ass into the theater, sat down and watched. No Fuss No Muss. I understand part of it is the community aspect. Camping out for college football playoff tickets would probably be a blast, but it would be more for the experience than the tickets.

2. If you had to give up one of the following for a full year, which would be the easiest to do without? Which would be the most difficult to give up?
a) Your personal vehicle Most difficult. A car is not a luxury, its a means to get to work to make a living. Plus I would hate to have to bum rides all the time. I always feel like a douchebag when I have to do that. Unless I lived close to a marta station or something, I'd find a way to have a ride to work.
b) Your Telephone (both cellular and land line) Easily given up. Nobody calls me. My cell phone is a toy mostly.
c) The Internet A few years ago, I would've said this would be the hardest thing to give up. At one point a former girlfriend called my computer, "The Other Woman." But I know much better now. I now only play online when I'm bored, and I just check my email. There are so many more important things in life. That being said, I if I do have internet, Its gonna be high-speed. I just can't do dial-up. Its cable or nothing. Also, I couldn't give up the internet at work, its become a valuable tool for newsgathering.
d) Meat (all of it: Beef, Poultry, Pork and Seafood) Semi-hard to give up. I'm one of those people who think a meal has to have a meat for it to be a real meal. But I could live without it if I had to.
e) Television
Same as the internet, useful at work, but I know I could live without it when I'm not at work. I pay for the badass cable package that has every movie channel for every niche (like that Black Lesbian Southern Movie Channel), but I don't hardly watch it at all. So I'm sure I could live without it.

4. What is the first source you go to for news of any kind when you wake up? How much do you trust that particular source? The AJC and Drudge when I'm online. CNN if I'm watching TV. I trust ajc & cnn. Drudge I definately take with a grain of salt. I don't trust Fox news for shit. Blatant right-wing bias.

5. Take the Quiz: What do the letters of your name stand for?

C	Cool
H	Helpful
A	Astounding
S	Sensitive

Name:

6. What is your favorite color and why? If you have a journal or journals, is this color the primary one on those journals? If not, why not?" Black & White, cuz I'm colorblind. Yes, the color theme here is black & white.

Your turn, put your name in that name acronym thingie and tell me what it says. Answer the questions. Release your inner P.A.G.A.N. (People Against Goodness and Normalcy. Name the movie its from! Can't huh?)

Proper Modulation

As you know, its been a while since I've posted. Between work, baby & house, I have no time to do shit. I work shitty hours... I'm always tired. Just like Jack Nicholson... somethings gotta give.

So for those of you who want to read on... here's more shiznit:
The Pope Hates Harry Potter: But yet he has no problem with priests molesting kids. Kids weren't reading anything... and they sure as hell weren't standing in line to buy books before Harry Potter came along. Anything that gets kids reading and not sitting on their ass in front of the TV or computer (like I'm doing now) has to be good. "God's Enforcer" should focus his attention on more important things than kids reading.

Brad Pitt Has Viral Meningitis. Tough shit. Welcome to the real world.
TomKat: Why can't these two get viral meningitis? I can't wait until the beard falls off and he's exposed for the fraud he is.

Mariah Carey Blames 9/11 for the failure of her movie 'Glitter.' Uhh sure... The shitty acting and stupid story had nothing to do with it. Here's an indication of your tanking movie and singing career... Your tits flew out in the middle of a concert... and nobody cared.

Thats it for now. Check out the pics in the flickr.

Abby & Elmo

Changes In Latitudes, Changes In Attitudes

I should post more often.... I just have a thousand other things to do first. Send me an email telling me how much I suck. :) My eyes are getting heavy... time for bed.

3x Thursday

1. Have you ever been camping? If yes, do you go often? If not, why not?
Kinda sorta. I went to a cabin in the mountains. It had heat and a kitchen and cable. :) Thats as rough as I like to get it.
2. Are you an outdoorsy person, or would you rather stay inside the comfort of your house? Why?
Sheeit. I want to stay in the comfort of my house.
3. Which do you prefer, hot weather or cold weather? Why/why not? How do you cope with each?
Hot Weather! I hate the cold. I stay inside when its cold outside. Come to think of it... i stay inside when its hot. Except when its grass mowing day.
Bonus Question for Comments: What are you doing this 4th of July weekend?
Work. 3 11pm shows over the 3 day weekend.

I'm baaack

Its been a long ass time since I've posted anything. I've moved into my new house, so that took much time, and I didn't have the net in the interim. That, on top of playing with the baby, who teaches me things every day. You can see pictures of her in the flickr to the right.

Drop me an email or something, bitches.

She really didn't want to take this picture. Better ones to come. Keep your eye on the flickr.  

Happy Birthday, Abby Lane!

7 lbs, 10 oz, 20 in.

Pix and details to come!!

I Want My MTV

Who are the first Mtv VJs that you can remember? I remember the first ones. Martha Quinn, Mark Goodman, Alan Hunter, Nina Blackwell, and JJ Jackson (r.i.p.). I wasted so much of my youth watching them!

Name 3 tv shows that aired on Mtv. (were any of them actually music related?) The 3 best:
1. Yo! MTV Raps The greatest of all MTV shows. This show is often overlooked as being a major part of the rap revolution. Before Yo!, there was no rap on TV. Where would white kids see rap videos before YO!? It took rap out of the hood, and put it in the suburbs. Fab 5 Freddy, Dr. Dre (the fat one, not the former NWA one), and Ed Lover kicked ass.
2. Remote Control This was a great pop-culture game show. Adam Sandler, Colin Quinn & Kari Wuhrer got their starts on the show. I remember as a kid I knew all the answers, and hoped to one day sit in the recliner... and you get pelted with cereal if you get a question wrong. It rocked.
3. The Osbournes It turned Ozzy from Metal God to America's favorite dad. And it transformed his mental family into celebs as well. Yes, it jumped the shark fairly quick, but Ozzy still rules.


What bands do you think would be nothing without Mtv? Are you kidding? Any pop group that had a top 10 single after 1984!!! Case in point, before MTV, the hot groups were The Eagles, Christopher Cross and Grand Funk Railroad. The only place you would see what your favorite singer looked like was on the album cover, in concert, and sometimes in concerrt. Then when you actually had to look at the guys, they looked like regular schlubs (like me). Then MTV came along with the cool haircuts, the badass clothes, and just an image no one had seen before. Do you think Duran Duran would be anything without a video? Hell no.

Bonus: What is your favorite music video? Smack My Bitch Up by Prodigy. I've never sat in front of a video with my mouth agape, then that surprise ending! Somehow everyone should see it, then you'll see why I like it!

The Aristocrats

So wrong, yet so right.

I don't get it, though.

BlogdriveInsanity

BlogdriveInsanity:
01. How many music files do you have on your hard drive? About 100, but I regularly save them on a CD-Rom. In all, including my serious collection of Prince Bootleg mp3s, I have about 10,000 songs.
02. What was the last song that you heard that made you want to buy the cd immediately? None really. I like just downloading them. 9 times outta 10 the rest of the CDs gonna suck. I did get the Ozzy Box set, because it was all new versions of classic songs, and it came with a DVD. These new "dual disc" releases that are coming out now are interesting. Its an easy way to get back at the downloaders. I'd actually buy a disc if it came with something more than the usual 15 tunes.
03. Name at least four of your favorite 'oldies but goodies'. There are too many old songs I like. I'll give you four of my favorite artists that are considered "oldies:" a) The Beatles. Classic, no explanation needed. b) Jimmy Buffett. The guy had one hit single in the last 25 years, but still sells out arenas, and makes millions. I like his tunes a lot. c) Willie Nelson. This guy puts out an album a year, and goes on tour every year. He's approaching 103 years old, but still puts on a hell of a show, and will stand outside his bus for hours signing autographs. d) The Eagles. These guys seem to be douchebags in real life, and I'm sure are just going out on tour for the money ($250 to look at 4 middle age guys up close? c'mon!), but damn its good to hear those songs being played live. Joe Walsh is the exception, he seems like a fun guy to hang with. He probably lives to play jokes on Don Henley.
04. What is the last song that you like so much you just HAD to learn the lyrics "In My Daughter's Eyes"... for obvious reasons.

I ain't no Hollaback Girl

I haven't been feeling creative lately, so here you go, anyway.
The Music Memoirs:
First recording artist you had a crush on. Olivia Newton John in Grease. I was 4. I knew I wanted the leather-slut Sandy, not the puking at the quasi-lezbo slumber party Sandy.

First band you obsessed over. Ozzy. I was the only kid in 4th grade with an Ozzy T-shirt. Ahhh the 80s. :) He's got some neurological disease that gives him the shakes. I feel sorry for him, cuz he's been shit on left and right... and those kids, and that wife, and all those fuckers leeching at his house. Poor Bastard.. poor poor bastard.

First song you wanted to forget I dunno, I forgot.

First song that you liked but none of your friends liked. I was the only kid I know who listened Prince. So I caught shit from my friends all the time. Now when I was front row at the Prince show, I had 6 people saying they wish they had my seat.

George W. Bush Jacked Off A Horse

This is relief for anyone whose ever been an apartment dweller. Its the Revenge CD. Here's a look at the funky trax:

1) Drill; 2) Party (At Least 200 People); 3) Orgasm (Outstanding); 4) Train; 5) Drum (Played by a Child); 6) Inhuman Screams; 7) Walking (High Heels); 8) Domestic Squabble; 9) Doors Banging; 10) Bowling; 11) Unhappy Dog; 12) Practicing Scales (Violin); 13) Traffic Jam; 14) Garbage Truck; 15) Newborn; 16) Phone Ringing; 17) Ball Game; 18) Pigeons; 19) Spring Cleaning; and 20) Cock-a-Doodle-Doo!

To all those messikins who insist upon playing the Mexico's Top Hits at all hours of the night... payback's a beeeech, vato! Its like a Tijuana disco up there. I can just imagine leaving that CD on for hours while I'm at work. Ahhh. Sweet Revenge.

Speaking of revenge, the runaway bride's husband needs to get as far away from this bug-eyed psycho bitch as soon as possible. He says he still wants to marry her, after she ran off, and sparked a manhunt. He's admirable for sticking by this broad, but dayum, what an idiot.

Other shit (besides the fucking runaway bride) in the news that annoys me:

Michael Jackson Trial - Fry him or let him go, just be done with it.
The ABC American Idol Exposé - Who gives a shit. Reality TV is not real? Imagine that. So the douchebag with no talent got slighted by another douchebag with no talent. Is this really a big deal? There are people starving to death in this country, giving hand jobs for crack, living out on the street, smart kids not able to go to college because its too expensive... but ABC chooses to expend its journalistic efforts on exposing Paula Abdul's penchant for young hot cock.
Laura Bush's 'Desperate Housewives' Comment - Yet again, who cares. So she does a few jokes that someone else wrote. Lighten the fuck up. They're jokes. So she made a joke about George W. Bush jacking off a horse. Woooo... how risqué! She joked about going to a strip bar with other uptight Washington biddies. You can't do anything without pissing someone off.

What my birthday means.

Your Birthdate: February 18

Your birthday on the 18th day of the month suggests than you are one who can work well with a group, but still remain someone who needs to maintain individual identity. There is a humanistic or philanthropic approach to business circumstances in which you find yourself. You may have good executive abilities, as you are very much the organizer and administrator. You are broad-minded, tolerant and generous; a compassionate person that can inspire others with imaginative ideas. Some of your feelings may be expressed, but even more of them are apt to be repressed. There is a lot of drama in your personality and in the way you express yourself to others. Oddly enough, you don't expect as much in return as you give.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Sunday Brunch

1. What do you tend to focus on the most?
A. The past.
B. The present.
C. The future as you think it will be.
D. The future as you are afraid it will be.

The future as I think it will be. If you live in the past and go backwards, you'll never go forward, or get anything new. Like my Dad always says, "If you do what you always did, you gonna get what you always got." Onward and Upward. Nobody can make your future for you. Do what you have to do to make your future what you want it to be. A dream without a plan is just an activity.

2. Name three famous people (living or dead) whose blogs you would like to be able to read. Prince, John Lennon, Ron Jeremy.



3. How long have you lived in your current residence? How much longer do you intend to live in the same place? We've lived in this shithole for like 10 months, and we're getting out ASAP. Soon as the new house is ready, we're outta here. Pix of it is in the flickr.

4. Take the pointless quiz: What color is your heart? Black.

6. RAPID FIRE Question #2: Who or what is the most annoying:
a) Politician George W. Bush
b) Late Night Talk Show Host Jay Leno. "Have you seen this, have you heard about this?"
c) Color Periwinkle. Actually I'm colorblind, so they all are annoying.
d) Habit Smoking. If you want to inhale smoke and carcinogens, do it so it doesn't invade my airspace, bitch.
e) Female Celebrity Paris Hilton, Star Jones, Rosie O'donnell, J-Lo, The list goes on.
f) Male Celebrity Anyone affiliated with American Idol.
g) Television Show American Idol
h) Commercial The biracial life partners in the AOL commercial (see the other post )
i) Fashion Statement Trucker Hats. Even more when they're sideways.
j) Word Blog

Thanx 2 Patrick's Place

And I Ran... I Ran So Far Awaaaay...

Yay Georgia! Another reason for the rest of the country to laugh at us! The Runaway Bride story happened in the same city they found the guy who went on a shooting rampage at the courthouse. Where was Geraldo Rivera? Yall knew I couldn't resist spewing some bile on this bug-eyed spoiled sack of shit. After hours and hours of people looking for her... it turns out she got "cold feet" over her wedding. I'm waiting for every person who spent days looking for her to smack her upside the head. I'm waiting for them to come up with some bullshit excuse like "she had emotional problems," or "she was taking Xanax and couldn't think straight." Puh-leeze. Lets call it like it is, a spoiled bitch threw a tantrum, and thousands of people paid for it. So she got cold feet about a wedding, no big deal, but if you're gonna run off, leave a fucking note. Do the world a favor. If you don't want to get married, just say so, get it over with, so everyone can get on with their lives. I feel for the soon-to-be ex-boyfriend. This poor bastard got the shit end of the stick. Not only did his woman run off, but he's been on TV for 3 days saying how much he misses her, now he's looking like a jackass. The only good thing, he saw what kind of psycho bitch she was before he walked down the aisle. He turned out to be the victim here. Now this guy's gonna be scared shitless the next time he's in a relationship. Everytime the next girl goes to the store or something, he's gonna be wondering if she's coming back. Wondering if whatever he did to set off the first chick is going to set this one off, and she's going to do the same thing. In her one huge selfish act, she left a scar on this guy's heart that won't ever fully heal. Imagine whats going through his head now... "what did I do?" "what did I say?" The guy tried to do everything right, and now look what he's left with. The ruins of what could've been... and a little relief over bullets dodged. Would her apologies be worth anything? He might smile and say he still loves her, but he knows she'll run away again. Maybe not for Las Vegas and spark a nationwide manhunt... but he'd be a fool to say they're still getting married. I'm sure they'll go there separate ways and try to avoid anyone who heard of this story.

Now here's the real news: Jennifer Wilbanks Too Annoying to remain Kidnapped