Pretty Vapid

Ashlee Simpson was definatley *not* lip-synching at last night's Orange Bowl... she got booed. This is freaking hilarious. Its karma. You try and cheat by lip synching, then when you really sing, your crappy voice is blatantly obvious. I heard a bit of the other talentless twat Lindsey Lohan singing on the Ellen DeGeneres show. She's just as talentless. The backup singers save her hot ass. Can you imagine what's going through the back-up singer's minds? They hone their craft from their younger years... they go on audition after audition... taking vocal lessons, etc. Then they finally get a big break, and its singing backup for this chick who has no talent and has everything handed to her. Same with Ashlee Simpson, her band on SNL took the rap for messing up the lip-synch performance... think about them. They took lessons from a young age, they eat shit and live in tiny ass apartments just so they can spend their lives doing what they love. Then they get a chance to be on a national tour, and play with on a national television show. Then what happens? Their reputations are shot to hell because some made-up spoiled ass idiot with zero talent gets show up on TV. While I think this is a messed-up situation, they know this is show business. They know this is the life they've chosen. So the bottom line is, the public will weed-out the talentless idiots, and a new manufactured image will take their place, and thousands of talented people will go un-discovered.

Midweek Music Questions

What’s your favorite unlikely duet? David Bowie and Bing Crosby on the 1970s Christmas Special. Eminem and Elton John on the grammies a few years ago. Bono And Frank Sinatra did something a few years ago. and Nelly and Tim McGraw did something last year. I think producers put them together because the novelty is worth nothing else than one look.

I'm feeling remarkably well considering I had my head drilled today.

Movie Reviews

Here's my reviews of the last few movies I've seen.
Garden State. This was a nice little movie. One of those coming-of-age learning-myself movies. It teetered on being stupid, but it kept my attention pretty well. Natalie Portman was great. I was impressed that young Zach Braff wrote and directed this deep movie by himself. Zach is a kid who comes home to Jersey after being out in LA for a while. Once back his past comes rushing back while colliding with his present and future. He's filled with the same questions that we all face, where am I going? Does my past determine my future? In the end he meets quirky chick Natalie Portman and they live happily ever after. The End. If only it was like that in real life. I kept waiting for the Dr. Cox to come in and call him a girl's name like on Scrubs.

Napoleon Dynamite. This is sure to eventually be a classic. Its a story about a dork's life. Me being a dork, I can identify with this. He lives in a surreal world. There's very little story per se, its more of like a weird underdog story. Except there's no bad guy, and in the end, the character doesn't really change from the beginning, which is usually what you want in a character. Its pretty funny I would recommend it. This will be one of those quotable movies, like Wayne's World, Austin Powers and Anchorman.

Polar Express was a cute little Christmas movie. I can't see it watching it at any other time. The animation was amazing, except for the facial expressions, which are next to impossible to make perfect. Good flick to bring kids to.

I didn't get to Meet The Fockers which is apparently the best movie of the Holiday Season. I don't get it. I didn't see it, but how can any movie with Barbra Streisand be any good? What movies did you see? Hit comments and release your inner Ebert.

Assignment Desk Quote Of The Day

On The World Of Coke:
"I won't go there because they don't address the one thing I want to know about... That they used to put the equivalent of a line of cocaine in every bottle."

Tuesday is Choose Day

Tuesday is choose day

Would you rather:
1. work at a company that regularly tests hair care products on animals OR regularly buries toxic waste illegally?
Hair care products on an animal. The toxic waste would hurt humans, and we're a shitload more important than some cat that someones putting some lipstick on.
2. for an entire month, eat everything through a straw OR deep fried?
Deep Fried without a doubt!
3. invent the next popular kids toy OR sex toy?
Sex Toy, because at one point you'd have to have a hot chick test them out.
4. find out your neighbor is a spy for an enemy nation OR a black ops assassin for your government?
Black Ops for the government, at least I'd know he's working for our side

My new years resolution

In the year 2005 I resolve to: Wear my underwear outside my pants. Get your resolution here

Waste Of Time

Looking for a way to waste your time? (Even more than when you read this page) This guy has you beat. Sure you get free long distance on nights and weekends with a cell phone, but that doesn't mean you should call 867-5309 in every area code!

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I'm sure you're all sick of year-end lists, but this one's pretty funny. Its 2004's overused words. Make sure you journey back to my blog my nizzle, every day you'll find all new stuff, and more! Its the über-improvised explosive device or "da bomb!" (sorry that was 2001's overused term) Sure there are some pockets of resistance out there, but trust me, I'm safe and effective!

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Yesterday's deeds descend on raptors wings
talons flair and slice into my mind
tearing through the carefully constructed facade of hope
i bleed, into tomorrow
ancestoral wounds reopen with vengence
defacing logic and maming reason
proclaiming the torment of self loathing valid
i bleed, fill with sorrow

Misusing The Airwaves

I laughed like a schoolgirl when I made my anchor say, "AND FOR THE FIFTEENTH YEAR IN A ROW... A GROUP OF MINNESOTANS PURIFIED THEMSELVES IN THE WATERS OF LAKE MINNETONKA." Of the thousands of people who were watching my show last night, probably only 3 knew there was a Purple Rain reference there. Too bad I couldn't put video of a naked Apollonia in my show. Maybe on my last show. :) If you were getting ready to be fired from a TV show, what would you put on the last show? Hit comments and let the funk flow.

Friday Feast

Appetizer
Using only 5 words, describe how 2004 went for you.
You Gotta Be Fucking Kidding.

Soup
Name something you did in 2004 that you'll probably never do again.
I could write a book.

Salad
What did you learn about yourself in 2004?
I'm annoying, people hate me and want me to die, and I need to apply myself more at work.

Main Course
What notable news event from 2004 will stand out most in your memory?
Janet's Tittie

Dessert
Name something you purchased in 2004 that you really, really like. This LCD Monitor, my cell phone.

Yay! I'm not white trash!

I AM 11% WHITE TRASH! I, my friend, have class. I am so not white trash. . I am more than likely Democrat, and my place is neat, and there is a good chance I may never drink wine from a box. Take the WHITE TRASH test at Fuali.com

No wonder George Carlin was such a dick to me, he was probably sleepin' off a load of E&J or all hopped up on goofballs! Getting bitched at by a comedian is about as fun as pissing off an oldies act. 

The Nose Knows

1. What is your favorite scent?

2. Can you get your favorite scent in a candle, spray or plug in? A Plug-in, sometimes. ;)
3. What do you use to make your home smell good? (ex: spray, powder, candles, incense, oils, stick ups or plug ins) I clean it.
4. What scent do you dislike the most? Why? Patchouli or Ammonia.
5. Is there any natural scent that you really wish they could bottle? See #1

Evening Dispatch

1. Did you travel for the Christmas holidays? If so, how did you get where you were going and how was the trip? I drove from ATL to Savannah, then to Jax, then to Orlando. The trip was OK since it was split into pieces. We were like the Beverly Hillbillies with an Xterra full of presents to give on the way, then presents we got coming home. The trip was tiring, and I was glad to sleep in my own bed again.
2. Did you get most of the gifts you were hoping for? I wasn't really hoping for anything special. Its good just to have people in your life that care enough to get you anything. All the presents I got were thoughtful and great.
3. If you were to check Santa's list, would your name appear to indicate that you had been good enough in 2004 to have DESERVED those gifts? You'll have to ask Santa.
4. If you HAD to make one New Year's Resolution next year, what would it be? Not to make resolutions.
5. READER'S CHOICE QUESTION #36 from Mrs. L: What is your favorite kind of Christmas cookie or dessert? Mrs. Fields cookies made by my grandma, and raw ranger cookies.
6. READER'S CHOICE QUESTION #37 from Promise: Who inspires you the most in your life? I can't narrow it down to one person. I find inspiration everywhere. From friends to musicians to authors to regular people I meet.
What about u?

Assignment Desk Quote Of The Day

Regarding the Tsunami that killed 45,000 people:
"It should've hit L.A... They had it coming, after all that plastic surgery and stuff."

Dorothy Mantooth Is A Saint!

The greatest movie of the year drops on DVD today... Anchorman. All those Best Buy gift cards I got for Christmas will be put to good use! Three discs of Ron Burgundy goodness. Speaking of Willie Ferrell, I checked out Elf and Best Of Will on SNL while on my Oprah-sized vacation. Elf was cheezy and Christmassy, but funny. The SNL DVD is pretty funny, but after a while you're looking for other skits besides Will Ferrell Stuff.

I'm back to the grind after the big Holiday Tour '04, hitting Savannah, Jax, and Orlando. It was nice being with family and meeting new family, but if they could all congregate at one place (preferably not Atlanta!) so I don't have to drive, that would be nice of them. I think what I'll remember most about this vacation is having to have the bag o'pills close at hand the entire time. How was your Chrismakwanzakah? Hit comments and release your inner Grinch

A word from Record Producer Bruce Dickinson

I've got a fever, and the only prescription is...

Sofa King True!

This guy counted down the 25 most annoying newsmakers of 2004. I agree with every one of them! Who do you think is most annoying? Hit comments and get it off your chest!

Happy Xmas

1. What is a fond holiday tradition from your childhood? I remember as a child, being so excited to see my cousins around Christmas, and spending Christmas Eve at Grandma Ducci's house, then going to bed, and waking up to Star Wars Stuff left by Santa, then Going by Grandma Welch's house and getting more presents there. My Grandma would hide her homemade cookies in her bedroom closet, and everyone, I mean EVERYONE would sneak in there and get some. It was all so innocent and simple back then.
2. If you could start a new holiday tradition, what would it be? Any tradition is a good one, if you're doing it with those you love, and its fun.
3. What is your favorite Christmas song and who sings it? "Please Come Home For Christmas" The Eagles.
4. Is there a certain event, food, television program, etc. that makes your Christmastime complete? Just being with family is Christmas enough for me. If I'm not with loved ones, then its not Christmas. Nevermind the decorations, presents, food, etc. The Holidays are about putting the important stuff into perspective. Like even though we sat in the car for 2 hours waiting to see the retarded lights at Lake Lanier, we were with friends and had a good time.
5. Does is traditionally snow where you live at Christmastime? If not, do you wish that it did? It snows here in Atlanta once a year, usually not at Christmas time. I'm happy for that. I hate the cold.

... in other words...

Mistakes are a part of being human. Appreciate your mistakes for what they are: precious life lessons that can only be learned the hard way. Unless it's a fatal mistake, which, at least, others can learn from.
-- Al Franken, "Oh, the Things I Know", 2002

While I usually wouldn't quote an ultra-liberal ultra-bland comedian, this quote was up on a meme webpage, so I figured it was as good as any other quote to write about. I have made more mistakes than I care to remember... nor will I. But I've tried to learn from each of them. I've often not heeded that lesson learned. I've hurt people who don't deserve it, I've hurt myself by not heeding those lessons, I've wasted time and energy that could have been saved by seeing the writing on the wall. Billy Joel said your mistakes are the only things you can truly call your own. So I take ownership of those mistakes, and their lessons, and I appreciate them. You have to own up to that responsibility for those mistakes. This may or may not make sense, I'm tired, I hurt, and insomnia has become an unwelcome nightly visitor. Besides being another of life's cruel ironies, insomnia has a way of making you remember those mistakes. So you have no choice but to face them, or shut the hell up. I choose the latter.

Me and Bill Cosby spending Xmas Together it seems

You Are a Christmas Sweater!

Over the top, colorful, and totally flashy. You're not afraid to be a little tacky.

What Crappy Gift Are You?