More Star Wars Hype!

The posters just ain't what they used to be... or are they what they used to be?

Blame Canada!

I usually laugh heartily when I see someone forget the words to a song, or slip and fall on the ice with thousands of people watching... but when all of those things happen at the same time...

I laugh uncontrollably.

I feel for the poor lady, but dayum, you gotta take certain precautions. Jeeez.

I also found an interesting extension for firefox, its the "Abe Vigoda Status" plug-in. Its useful if, from time to time, you need to know if Abe Vigoda is alive or dead. Today: Alive. For the record, I'm pretty sure Abe could both sing the national anthem with all the words intact, and stand on ice at the same time. He was in The Godfather for Chrissakes.

Just in case the make slavery legal again...

I am worth $1,959,252.00 on HumanForSale.com.

Now, how much to rent, I wonder...

The Old Negro Space Program

Who knew there was a Negro Space Program. It was a concerted effort by the government and the press in the 50s and 60s to keep the blackstronauts down. Now in the 21st century, its our duty as a civilized society to pay homage to these brave souls. All I can say is, its a good thing Buzz Aldrin could pass off as black! Do your part, watch the documentary.

More Funner Than Regis

1. What season are you in right now? Pollen.
2. Do you celebrate anything special this time of year? I have many reasons to celebrate this special time of year... so yes.
3. Name 3 things that come to mind when you think of spring (or your current season)? a)Pollen b)Sinus Problems c)The 2nd half of the school year.
4. In the current season, about how many hours of the day are daylight hours? Uhhh about 12.
5. Do you do any 'spring cleaning?' Yeah, I clean about once a year.
6. Do you wash your own car or take it to the car wash? take it to the car wash because a) I'm lazy, and b) I'd have to wait in line behind the mexicans to use the car wash at this horrible apartment complex.
7. Do you hang your laundry out on a clothesline on nice days? What are we back in the pioneer days? I have this new invention called a "dryer." It flips them around and blows hot air on them.

Monday Music Mambo:
01. This favorite 90s sitcom didn't really have a theme song, just a bass guitar line. Seinfeld
02. What show's theme song closes with the words "Hello, Wisconsin!"? That 70s Show. Its called "That 70s Song."
03. Danny Elfman composed the theme to this animated favorite. The Simpsons. He also did 'Tales from the Crypt,' The Batman movie and a ton of other movies. Besides being a founding member of "Oingo Boingo."
04. When, according to the theme song, did the action in "Mystery Science Theater 3000" take place? In the year 3000? I never watched that show.
05. The three "CSI" shows use songs by what band for their themes? The Who. They are: "Who are you"(csi), "Baba O'Reilly"(csi:ny), and "Won't get fooled again"(csi:miami)
06. Frank Sinatra's "Love and Marriage" was used as the theme for what show? Married With Children.
07.What music legend sang the theme for "A Different World?" Aretha Franklin.
08. Mark Snow composed the theme to this 90s sci-fi series. The X-Files (guess)
09. Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? Spongebob Squarepants
10. The O'Jays' "For the Love of Money" is now better known as the theme to what show? The Apprentice. MoneyMoneyMoneyMoooonaaaay
11. This show used "Bad Reputation" by Joan Jett as its theme. No idea, I vaguely remember a show used it.
12. "Tossed Salad and Scrambled Eggs" was the theme to what show? Frasier.
13. Where was the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air born and raised? Philadelphia
14. Hank Williams, Jr. adapted one of his more popular songs for this long-running sports show in the 90s. Monday Night Football is the show, "All my rowdy friends" is the song.
15. "This Wheel's on Fire" by Bob Dylan and Rick Danko was re-recorded for the theme to what show? NO idea.
16. "Dog Pound Hop" was the title of the theme from this weird animated show. No idea.
17. War's "Low Rider" is the theme to what current sitcom? The George Lopez Show. The only famous guy to ever come out of my alma mater is a bit player on that show. Go Pan-Am!

Godspeed, chastv.com, Godspeed

The chastv.com domain is going away. So if you got here via that, change your bookmark to chaswelch.com. Click here to open it in another window and then hit control+d in Firefox or Internet Explorer. 

The Worst Commercial, Ever. Who are these assholes? If, in the year 2005, someone has a computer and doesn't know what anti-virus software does, HE SHOULDN'T BE USING A COMPUTER. And if he has to be taught by a back dude putting shit all over his lunch, then he should be shot. AOL... Assholes On Lithium. 

Have you seen this, have you heard about this?

The second most retarded kid on South Park not only gets dates with 4th graders, he goes to hookers, most notably Nutgobbler, and he has car chases with Pimps! And still manages to kill on stage with his observational comedy. How does he do it all? Jimmy is becoming one of my favorite South Park Kids. He's no Cartman, tho.  

Friday Feast

Q1: Do you like your office space? Why or why not? I like the movie Office Space. I don't really have a cube or a desk or anything. I find a computer and work my magic from there.

Q2: Have you ever changed a flat tire on an automobile? If you never have, do you think you'll be able to if and when the time comes? Once or twice. I watched a guy do it a few weeks ago. :) I think unless you drive it off-road or run over something sharp, with regular maintenence, you won't get a flat tire.

Q3: Joseph Ratzinger, now known as Pope Benedict XVI, is being characterized by some as a hero to the conservative wing of the Catholic Church, and by others as something of a Darth Vader figure to liberal Catholics. Despite your religious affiliation, how do you feel about Ratzinger's selection as Pope? See my previous rant. I'm sure the guy's done some good work, I just don't agree with his ultra-conservative views. But if he's really Darth Vader, I may change my views. :)

Q4: A privately supported, not-for-profit membership organization, National Public Radio (NPR) serves more than 750 independently operated, noncommercial public radio stations, each of which serves local listeners with a distinctive combination of national and local programming. Do you listen to NPR? If you do listen to NPR, have you ever made a donation to support its efforts? If you do listen but have never made a donation, do you think you ever will? Why or why not? I'm knee-deep in news all day, I sure as hell ain't gonna listen to that boring, monotone crap. The real news is boring enough. As for a donation, why the fuck would I pay for it? Its like the PBS pledge drive. Why would I help support TV that sucks? If they want some donations, put on some good stuff. Can't they play "Sopranos" reruns, or at least "Mama's Family" reruns? Their reality show 'Colonial House' shows people bathing naked in a lake, but do they show anything good? Hell no. Show a little T&A, then maybe they'd get some donations. It takes one show to launch a network. South Park launched Comedy Central, Queer Eye launched Bravo, The Valerie Bertinelli/Meredith Baxter Birney "Cancer-stricken abducted-kids-by-an-ex with an eating-disorder divorcee, but I have a plucky spirit and I'm fighting back" movie launched Lifetime. Show some shit people wanna watch, and give them more than a tote bag when they do.

1. How many locations (dwellings) have you lived in? About 20... soon to be 21.

2. If you could place your dream home in any location, where would it be? On a beach somewhere, within walking distance from a Best Buy.

3. In terms of the act of moving: are you a packer or a box mover? Packer. I pay messikans to do the moving. I went to college so my fat ass don't have to do manual labor. I think Manuel Labor is the guy who moved my stuff here. Gracias, Manuel, gracias.

4. What one item do you own that you absolutely hate to move? Ask Manuel. :) Seriously, the computer and stereo stuff is a pain to move because I have a birds nest of wires behind them that I have to sort out.

5. What's worse: the act of moving or a routine cleaning at the dentist? Moving, definately. Teeth cleaning just takes an hour, and if you do it twice a year it isn't an ordeal. And sometimes the hot hygenist flops her boobs in your face.

Appetizer: Name something that helps you fall asleep. Listening to music or reading... or listening to NPR.

Soup: Who brings out the best in you? I have no best to bring out.

Salad: What do you like to do on a rainy day? I do my regular routine, I just drive a little slower.

Main Course: Complete this sentence: In our home, we never have enough... Quesadilla fixin's and Sinus Tablets.

Dessert: Which shoe do you put on first? Right.

Really Limp Bizkits

Who knew it would be possible for Fred Durst to look like more of a tool than he does today? Here's the proof..

Dutch Oven

If you could have any superpower, what would it be? Invisibility. You would see so much cool shit. People do weird shit when they think no one's looking.
Onesome: Domain--Hypothetically, if you could own any domain name you wanted, what would it be and why? chas.com. Apparently its owned by a Swedish Death Metal band.
Twosome: Name-- Are you called by something other than your legal name? If not, have you ever had a nickname? Or done something weird with your name, to try and stand out? Like an odd spelling or a slightly different pronunciation? Or just flat out wanted to change your name? To what?Its kinda obvious what Chas is short for. Spelling it with an 's' and pronouncing it with a 'z' seems to flummox some people. People would ask, "Is your name Chase?" I tell them "Chase is a verb, Chas is a noun." I wish I could take credit for having a unique name, but it was my Grandfather's nickname when he was a kid. He grew out of it, I apparently did not. :)
Threesome: Renewal--Do you have any magazine or other subscription that is an absolute 'must renew' whenever you get the notice? Nah, I get magazines for free, and there's nothing that important in a magazine that I can't live without. Especially with the internet, anything in print is usually online.

In other news, I hear there's a new Bennifer. A stronger, meaner one. Bennifer v2.0. I can't wait until the media ruins this one.

I also wrote a story yesterday about a Vietnam Vet that spit tobacco juice in Jane Fonda's face. That is so funny. The guy had an opinion, and he expressed it. Jane Fonda insulted a lot of people who were putting their lives on the line. Whether or not the U.S. belonged in Vietnam, these guys went over there and put their lives on the line because their country called. They fought in a war many people thought was wrong, he deserves the right to express his opinion.

Tough, you think you've got the stuff
You're telling me and anyone
You're hard enough

You don't have to put up a fight
You don't have to always be right
Let me take some of the punches
For you tonight

Listen to me now
I need to let you know
You don't have to go it alone
And it's you when I look in the mirror
And it's you when I don't pick up the phone
Sometimes you can't make it on your own

We fight all the time
You and I...that's alright
We're the same soul I don't need to hear you say
That if we weren't so alike
You'd like me a whole lot more

Listen to me now
I need to let you know
You don't have to go it alone

And it's you when I look in the mirror
And it's you when I don't pick up the phone
Sometimes you can't make it on your own

I know that we don't talk
I'm sick of it all
Can you hear me when I Sing?
You're the reason I sing
You're the reason why the opera is in me...

Where are we now?
I've got to let you know
A house still doesn't make a home
Don't leave me here alone...

And it's you when I look in the mirror
And it's you that makes it hard to let go
Sometimes you can't make it on your own
Sometimes you can't make it
The best you can do is to fake it
Sometimes you can't make it on your own

American Pie Actress Turns To Bestiality

Every while in a once, I run across a story that just makes me laugh out loud. This broad from American Pie & The Slums of Beverly Hills, Natasha Lyonne, flipped out and told her neighbors "I'm going to sexually molest your dog." And you thought pie-fucking was bad. This woman's been in a ton of those teen flicks, then she went nuts. I think its funny to see the mighty fall. Not that she was so "mighty," but she's been in more hit movies than me. Rule of thumb, if you're even halfway famous, know that every time you shit, some douchebag's gonna comment on it. That would be me. Apparently the crazy dog-fucker is still on the loose, so lock up your puppies.

Gary Fights the Flu

Kevina.TV - Gary The Retard Fights the Flu

Freakin hilarious! Plus great animation.

It was a good laugh at the end of a horrible day.

---

In other news, they elected a Nazi Youth Pope. He worked for the Nazi's Airborne Panzers, and guarded a BMW plant staffed with Jews from the Dachau Concentration Camp. Nice. The guy looks like Hannibal Lecter. I hate to put a negative spin on a guy whose a holy man, but this is 2005, and I'm a cynical prick. It was politics that got this guy elected. Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger was known as "God's Rottweiler" and "The Enforcer." He was the guy who told the "liberal" John Paul II to be more conservative. Expect new tirades against Gays, Stem Cell Research, Women Priests, Abortion and Birth Control. From The Guardian:

As head of the powerful Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, Ratzinger disciplined dissidents, backed John Paul in resisting reforms sought by liberals and urged caution in pursuing relations with other Christian denominations.

Do you know what the "Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith" was formerly called? THE INQUISITION. We're all inclusive" says the Catholic Church, now do what we say, not what we do. I am amazed at the Hypocrisy.

Life's Laundry: Question of the Day

Would you rather be a big fish in a small pond or a small fish in a big ocean? Big fish in a small pond. I'm pretty much a big fish in any body of water. In terms of work, sometimes its good to be the small fish in the big pond, because that gives you an infinite amount of room to grow. In contrast, if you're the big fish, you can demand big bucks. But at this point in my career, I'm a small fish in a real big pond. But at least I'm not in the shallow part of the pond anymore!
How do you respond to pressure? I work in live TV, pressure is part of the game. If you have your shit together, you'll know how to get out of sticky situations.

BTW, 4 days and 4 weeks left!!!

Monday Music Mambo

Monday Music Mambo:
01. Music genre where you will find these Charlies: Walker, Pride and Rich Country. Even though I never heard of Charlie Walker.

02. In 'Aquarius', the planet that aligns with Mars Uhhh Venus?

03. Michael Jackson kept the beat with this Beatle in 'Say, Say, Say' Paul McCartney. Then the Gloved-One stabbed him in the back by stealing the Beatles publishing rights.

04. 'HOT' hit from both The Doors and Jose Feliciano C'Mon Baby, "Light My fire"

05. Geographically named rock group who have named 18 of their albums after themselves Snooze Rockers "Chicago."

06. These eyes are the focus of a Kim Carnes' hit "Bette Davis Eyes"

07. Back-up band for Tom Petty The Heartbreakers

08. Singing Group whose name is also a New York City bus ticket Manhattan Transfer

09. Grammy winning group that shares its name with Dorothy's dog Toto.

10. A place where 'you can check out any time you want but you can never leave' Hotel California

11. Unlike its namesake, this 50s pop group showed up more often than 76 years Bill Haley & The Comets

12. This 'second verse' is 'same as the first' "Henry The VIII" by Herman's Hermits.

Beat That Beeyotches!

Habla Ingles?

Your Linguistic Profile:

70% General American English

25% Dixie

5% Yankee

0% Midwestern

0% Upper Midwestern

What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

I sooo need one of these!!!!

Meet the USB fondue pot. The ultimate in geek cuisine. Use your computer to make a tasty treat... and its good to have your co-workers gather around your cubicle to dip strawberries in chocolate, or some french bread and cheese. If you'd like to send me one, here's the info. :) I'll invite you over for fondue and internet pron.