Annoying Newsroom Comment of the Day

"Most of the sugar I get is in wine."
Such a health nut.
The sheer banality of discourse here is incredible.

It Stings

The priest has said my soul's salvation is in the balance of the angels

Annoying Newsroom Comment Of the Day

"My favorite Falco song is... Of course, it wasn't a hit over here, just in Germany."

How fucking worldly.

Alex Takes A Stand

The boy's been fighting it for a long time now. But he decided it was time. I have no idea why he has no clothes on, and Abby has a jacket on. I swear we're not trailer park people. They don't have Kool-Aid stains in their face and have never watched wrestling.

"Hey Chas, why did you use Vimeo, rather than YouTube, like you usually do?"
Because YouTube, R.E.M., and Warner Bros. are all a bunch of dicks. I can't put a song to a video of my kid because a bunch of corporate bitches and overpaid pretentious rock stars are worried it'll take away from their bottom line. Congratulations douchebags, you've successfully protected an overrated band against a little kid. OH wait, the video still got online. Warner Bros. records and films still suck.

Annoying Newsroom Comment Of The Day

"I can't go out drinking tonight, I've drank 3 days this week. That's a lot of sugar. and sodium."

Sugar isn't really the problem, is it fancy boy?

Snowmageddon!

What snow days are all about: Playing in the snow with the kiddos. We didn't play for long, it was too damn cold. I slid down a little hill in my backyard. Notherners are probably laughing at Atlanta's shitty snow response, but this is why we live in the south... so that we only have to deal with this bullshit once a year. I don't know why I felt the need to dress like a cross between Kenny McCormick and an Afghan woman.

Cynicism

If I say I don't like cynical people, does that make me a cynic?
I realize the world is not a series of rainbows, lollipops and unicorns, but things aren't that bad. Especially among the people I work with. I sit at my workstation that has Internet and cable, there's heat in winter and ac in summer, and up one flight of stairs are vending machines and clean restrooms. Down one flight of stairs is a food court and tourists who ask you about the cool job they think you have. The company pays well and has benefits among the best in the country. What could anyone have to bitch about? The answer: Everything.
I hear "The company this.. the company that...:" or "this person said this and that." Today I sat and listened to two people go on and on about how celebrities who help charities are assholes. Sure its all fake and stuff, but why the vitriol? It annoys me when people look at the shitty side of everything. "That asshole Santa Claus is probably jacking off to your family's pictures when he's bringing presents."
Things could be worse, much worse. There's no heavy lifting, we don't leave work smelling like grease and we're not paid in pennies. In this economy, we should be glad we have jobs at all. Sure I bitch about my job, etc., but if I told anyone about the pride I feel when I walk into work, they'd laugh at me. LAUGH HARD at me. Why is that wrong? I just hope other people's shit is not contagious. Is my ignorance bliss? I'm so not looking at the world through rose-colored glasses. My motto in life has always been "It's all about perspective." Why is a positive one the exception and not the rule?

Annoying Newsroom Comment Of The Day

"It's easier than trialing and erroring."

This from someone who works in the communications business. Jeez.

Annoying Newsroom Comment Of The Day

"OH, I know all the dirt, but it was too soon to ask."

Sure ya did, Mr. Showbiz.

Chas's 17th Annual Christmas Special

Oh hey teens,
I didn't see ya there, I was just doing a little Christmas present wrapping.

Welcome to my Christmas special. Unless you're a Jew, Muslim, Atheist or Shintoist, then welcome to my special pile of fun that coincides with the Winter Solstice.
Let's get things started with a quick song from Abby Welch.

She was practicing before going caroling at an ole folks home. That's why she left out the "like Monopoly" comments. The older generation frowns on such shenanigans inflicted upon a beloved Christmas carol. That is unless it's sung by... Put your hands together for... Mr. Robert Goulet!

One of the things that heralds the Christmas season is the arrival of Christmas cards. We've received some doozies at the Welch household, but nothing along the lines of these!
One of my favorite Christmas songs is "Please Come Home For Christmas." Mostly because I've had several Christmases when I was away from family and friends. James Brown, Willie Nelson and the Eagles are among the many artists who have covered the song. But when it comes to who has the best handle on the song, you have to hand it to Jerry Phillips.

Travel is also a big part of the holiday season. I remember as a child some of my fondest memories are of wreaking Yuletide havoc with my cousins from San Antonio.
But this year, travel has taken on some big changes. Just ask grandma...

Many of you may remember that classic TV Christmas special from 1977 that featured the unlikely duo of Bing Crosby and David Bowie doing "Little Drummer Boy" I always wondered why David Bowie would go to a neighbor's house to use the piano when, by 1977, Bowie was a millionaire and could afford his own piano. Also, would David Bowie really not know who Bing Crosby is? In 1977, I was 4 years old and I knew who Bing was, mostly because he was one of my Grandparents' favorite singers. Anyway, awkward and forced banter aside, their version of the song was pretty good. But it's nothing compared to the new version, performed by the stars of "Step Brothers," Will Ferrel and John C. Reilly.

Peace on Earth/Little Drummer Boy with Will Ferrell & John C. Reilly from Will Ferrell

As a child growing up in New Orleans, Christmas time meant my relatives are complaining about how the Saints screwed up the season, and what they should've done. But in recent years things have turned around for the team. New Orleans trumpet legend Kermit Ruffins put the city's wish for a merry Who Dat Christmas in a song.

Well, that wraps up another Christmas special. For more fun celebrating the birth of Jesus, check out last year's Christmas spectacular.
We say goodnight with another number from Abby, with backup vocals by Alex.

So from all of us, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! Now piss off.

John Lennon

This week there are many tributes and retrospectives of John Lennon's life marking the 30 years since his death. Even though Lennon is one of my Rock N Roll heroes, I'm not watching any of the coverage. I think its one thing to celebrate the guy's life, but it feels like we're celebrating the guy's death. That's something I want no part of. I won't even call it "the anniversary of his death." Anniversaries are something to look forward to. The manner in which he died was so tragic, so grisly, that I think its best to let that chapter of his life be. It makes me think of how dead celebrities are raised to immortal status, but while they were living they were shit on. Michael Jackson is another example of this. He couldn't give away his records for the 10 years before his death, then he dies and everyone's his biggest fan. All those who shit on him are calling him a musical legend. It's no different with Lennon. They couldn't wait to kick him out of the country in the 1970s. His albums weren't big sellers, then he dies and his albums are now classics. People like that fucking Fox news did specials about the last days of Lennon's life. Had he been alive, he would have despised everything Fox stands for. But hey, it's ok, let's exploit the death of an icon. All you need is ratings.

Annoying Newsroom Comment of the Day

Me: "All I did was..."
Douchebag: "I KNOW what you did."

Canadians can suck it. Is it custom up there to cut people off mid-sentence with a bitchy remark?

Annoying Newsroom Quote Of The Day

"It's definitely a headphones-only thing. Not for speakers."

Annoying Newsroom Quote of the Day

"Why is my Farmville crashing?"

Annoying newsroom comment of the day

In television news, a "tease" is a short story right before a commercial break that tells you what's coming up without giving away the story. In a sense it's the most important story of the show, because it is meant to keep people past the break when they want to flip the channel. Despite this, many writers think they're a nuisance and save them until last and rush through them. I love writing teases because it presents a unique creative challenge: sell a story without telling it. CBS Sunday morning can do this with just two or three words written to match the video. I'm no Chas Osgood, so I require a few more words. That being said, my assignment is to write a tease for a story that's important, but depressing, and is filled with video of a burned up Afghan woman. I couldn't even watch the story. So how the hell do I write a tease that makes you want to a) watch this depressing horror story, b) stick around for another 15 minutes to see the story, c) not gross out international audiences and d) not trivialize it? Why do we want to tease it in the first place? I get this note from the producer regarding the video to be used in said tease:

I CUED TO WHERE IT'S NOT SO DISTURBING...
ALSO JUST MINDFUL OF THE TZ... SINCE IT'S A DISTURBING STORY, AND VO

Jeez, thanks I was gonna make it a laugh riot.
My point is not that we shouldn't run the story, its very important.
My point is, don't tease it at all. Show some discretion.

Here's the tease I eventually wrote, I opted for quick and generic rather than specific and disgusting.

AND DESPERATION IN AFGHANISTAN LEADS TO DRASTIC MEASURES FOR SOME WOMEN.
YOU'LL SEE EFFORTS TO END THE CYCLE OF ABUSE.

Would I stick around to watch that? Maybe. But had I written something about "disturbing video from Afghanistan's abusive husbands.." I would definitely change the channel.

Writing about car wrecks, apartment fires and gas main breaks was so much easier.

Happy Thanksgiving

1. What do you most look forward to about Thanksgiving week?
This year I have to work, so really not much, maybe less traffic. But I have much to be thankful for in general.
2. How many people do you plan to have around the Thanksgiving dinner table this year?
Just the 4 Welchs.
3. What Thanksgiving food do you most look forward to?
Dressing and Green Bean Casserole.
4. Which Thanksgiving food do you avoid?
Pumpkin Pie, cranberry sauce and sweet potatoes. I'll eat the marshmallows, though.
5. Take the quiz: What Fall Spice Are You?

You Are Nutmeg

You are a harmonious and peaceful person. You are surprisingly adaptable and flexible. You are a typical girl or guy next door, but you also have a undying thirst for the exotic. You dream of tropical places, and you have a true appreciation for far away flavors. You are easygoing enough to enjoy a full day on the beach. "Island time" sounds like the perfect time for you.

What Fall Spice Are You?

Blogthings: We're Not Shrinks, But We Play Them On the Internet

6. What aroma most reminds you of fall?
Thanksgiving dinner being cooked.

I'm not feeling creative today. Sorry. You can get a refund at the ticket office.

Annoying Newsroom Quote Of The Day

"I don't have a TV at home, but..."

Really? REALLY? You work in TV but don't have a TV? I guess that's like a gay gynecologist.

Annoying Newsroom Quote of the Day

"Hello? Hello? HELLO? HELLAW? YEAH, SOME KEEDZ MUST BE CALLIN ME ON YO PHONE! hello?"
Newsroom cleaning guy yelling into his phone 5 feet from where the sports guy is anchoring a show.

The Little Pumpkin

Annoying Newsroom Quote Of The Day

"I have some gluten-free pad thai if anyone's interested."