Monday, September 07, 2009
Who should I be pissed at?
My son is now 17 days old. In his short time on this earth, he has overcome a bruised face, acid reflux, jaundice, constipation and now blood in an uncomfortable place. The German doctor lady tells my wife on that last thing: "It could be nothing, or it could be something serious." Thanks, Frau, now return to the militant wing of the Salvation Army. My insides are infected by frustration, anger and pain, and I can't imagine what its like for an infant to go through this. Despite this, he's a happy baby and a fighter. He'll get through this tough spot and be stronger for it. Until then, my hands are tied, I'm paralyzed. I hate not being able to do anything. There's no one to yell at. No one to blame. I find myself pissed at the world asking, "What's next?"
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Got so used to you on MyFaceSpace that I rarely read this blog...but your hands are not tied, you're not paralyzed, you are able to do something, there is someone to yell at, there is someone to blame...allow yourself to get so pissed off at God because you don't know what else to do (don't worry, He'll still love you), and then you humble yourself before Him by getting on your knees and you ask for forgiveness and then beg him to help you. Believe me, I'm a testament that it works.
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I've done that, over and over. I ran through every emotion from "You're overreacting" to "You're underreacting." The baby is fine, he's got the sicknesses that every little baby gets, he just seems to have gotten them all at once. The other day, an over-anxious pediatrician sent us to the emergency room at the children's hospital. The ER doc said "why are you here? Your baby's fine." It's so hard to face things when there the world is conspiring against me. When I was driving to the hospital, I was thinking, my kids a month old and has been through all this shit.
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