Monday, January 31, 2005
Illegally Yours
1. considering that the revenue recording artists make off of their actual albums is not much compared to their concerts/appearances/merchandise, what is your feel on downloading songs from the internet (personally - not for profit/sale)? I think downloading songs on the internet is the result of the music industry getting too much revenue. Its imploding. Consider this, if you really like an artist, you're going to spend $15 on their cd, $75 on a concert ticket (if you're lucky), $35 for a shitty t-shirt (that cost them a buck to produce), $10 parking at said concert. Most people don't do that, because they can't afford it, or they don't feel that strongly about an artist, etc. So I don't feel the least bit bad about downloading songs off the internet. I've ranted about this many times in the past.
2. how do you feel about people downloading movies off of the internet? Same as downloading. Movies are too expensive to go see for many people. $8 a ticket, plus another $11 for popcorn and a drink, double that if you take someone with you. Meanwhile movie stars are wiping their asses with $100 bills. When I was a kid, my friends would ask, "How many times have you seen Star Wars?" or that they loved a movie so much they saw it 2 or 3 times. You can't do that anymore, you'd go broke. I think its totally a matter of economics. If movies were a nickel, would people still download them? Maybe, but who would sit for 3 hours to download it, then burn it to a DVD for another hour, then sit and watch it, or God Forbid, sit in front of the computer and watch it. Very few would endure that, if they could just pop down to the MegaloCineplex 20 and watch it.
3. what if the movie is not offered in your region (for instance, if the movie is only commercially available in europe and you live in the US ... even if you DID purchase it from europe, it would not play on your region 1 DVD player?)? Hell yeah. If I want to see it, I'll download it, if thats the only way I could see it. But really, why the hell would I want to see a movie thats only available in Europe?
4. i've heard people justify their illegal software downloads by saying things like, "oh, adobe (or Microsoft or Macromedia) is such a big company ... they're charging over $300 for this software; why should *i* pay if they're not going to miss the money anyway?" what do you think about people downloading software off of the internet? You have to look at whats behind it. You think the average kid has $600 to buy a copy of Photoshop? They charge that much because busineses will pay that much for it, not the average person. How many people have an actual copy of Photoshop or Office? If you think about it, yes they're stealing someone's intellectual property, but in reality, they weren't going to buy it anyway. So would you rather have your product on someone's computer with your logo splashed in their face everytime they opened it, or not at all? Thats why shareware is so great. You pay for it only if you like it, and if you do, you get something extra for it. If you don't like it enough to pay for it, no problem, just keep using it and giving it to your friends, cuz maybe one of them will pay for it. Bottom line, if there's a way to get it free, somebody's gonna exploit it.
there is a lot of dvd-copying software available for purchase. it is sold so that people can make a legal backup of their purchased DVDs. many people 'backup' illegally. generally, this software is not sold in the US or germany (at least not legally).
5. do you think that a software (or other product) should be illegal in the US and legal in another country? why or why not? No, it shouldn't be illegal. Plus, to the end user, if you download it from a server in Germany, its mostly the same as if you download it from a server across town. Plus, like MP3s, Movie Downloads, etc, people are going to get it if they want it. And the concept of making "backups" of your DVDs is ridiculous. Thats like when you go into the store that sells "Water Pipes For Tobacco." Are you really worried that you're going to damage your 'Pootie Tang' DVD?
6. people justify their illegal DVD backups by saying that hollywood has so much money ANYWAY, or [insert excuse here]. do you agree or disagree? why or why not? Its not that Hollywood has too much money, its that they're asking for too much money from the general public.
7. there are millions of file-sharers all over the world. in your opinion, is it in the federal government's best interests to go after people in the US who have over x-amount of files on their personal computers? Like my favorite crackhead says, "Its not right, but its OK." The government has to do something about it, because no matter how people try to justify it, its illegal. They shouldn't put those people in jail, just fine them. That would be a deterrent for the people they do catch, and a handful of people they don't catch, plus it would make those douchebags at the RIAA happy. Its not right, because the people are just listening to music. They're hurting no one... no not even the artist. MP3s and the downloading of movies should force the music business to re-evaluate how its been working for the last 40 years. It didn't keep up with new technology, so look what happened. The business model is the same as its always been. Instead of 78s, 33s, 8-Tracks, or Cassettes, its CDs. No other changes. But now they have to figure out how to work around digital downloads. One day they will. I predict they'll eventually view mp3s like playing a song on the radio. You don't pay to listen to it, but they hope its good enough that you'll buy it. The market will right itself, if you let it.
1. Who is the first celebrity you recall having a crush on?
Princess Leia, no not in a Ross from Friends way either!
2. What was your favorite amusement park ride when you were young? I never really had a favorite. I liked all the roller coasters equally.
3. If you could change your name (first or middle but the name you go by), would you, and if so, what would you change it to? Heywood Jablome, or Hugh Jorgan, or if I was muslim, I'd be Khamir Ubitch.
4. Go to http://kabalarians.com/ and take the "First Name Analysis" test. Do you agree with what the site comes up with? I did this a few years ago. No, I don't agree. You can't get a picture of my personality just from my name.
5. Other than Johnny Carson, which former talk show host's tape archives would you most like to visit, and why? None really. Maybe Letterman just because I like him.
6. READER'S CHOICE QUESTION #44 from Jessie: If you were in good health, would you donate a kidney to a friend who's dying regardless of what your family's opinion are and if yes or no, why or why not? Of course. If you have a kidney that he needs, and you don't give it to him, you're signing his death certificate. Its murder-by-inaction, no different if the guy was on fire and you're standing there with a bucket of water. And people will say, "If I get kidney disease I'll need both of them." Thats bullshit, if you get kidney disease, it'll fuck up both your kidneys. So you'd be screwed anyway.
2. how do you feel about people downloading movies off of the internet? Same as downloading. Movies are too expensive to go see for many people. $8 a ticket, plus another $11 for popcorn and a drink, double that if you take someone with you. Meanwhile movie stars are wiping their asses with $100 bills. When I was a kid, my friends would ask, "How many times have you seen Star Wars?" or that they loved a movie so much they saw it 2 or 3 times. You can't do that anymore, you'd go broke. I think its totally a matter of economics. If movies were a nickel, would people still download them? Maybe, but who would sit for 3 hours to download it, then burn it to a DVD for another hour, then sit and watch it, or God Forbid, sit in front of the computer and watch it. Very few would endure that, if they could just pop down to the MegaloCineplex 20 and watch it.
3. what if the movie is not offered in your region (for instance, if the movie is only commercially available in europe and you live in the US ... even if you DID purchase it from europe, it would not play on your region 1 DVD player?)? Hell yeah. If I want to see it, I'll download it, if thats the only way I could see it. But really, why the hell would I want to see a movie thats only available in Europe?
4. i've heard people justify their illegal software downloads by saying things like, "oh, adobe (or Microsoft or Macromedia) is such a big company ... they're charging over $300 for this software; why should *i* pay if they're not going to miss the money anyway?" what do you think about people downloading software off of the internet? You have to look at whats behind it. You think the average kid has $600 to buy a copy of Photoshop? They charge that much because busineses will pay that much for it, not the average person. How many people have an actual copy of Photoshop or Office? If you think about it, yes they're stealing someone's intellectual property, but in reality, they weren't going to buy it anyway. So would you rather have your product on someone's computer with your logo splashed in their face everytime they opened it, or not at all? Thats why shareware is so great. You pay for it only if you like it, and if you do, you get something extra for it. If you don't like it enough to pay for it, no problem, just keep using it and giving it to your friends, cuz maybe one of them will pay for it. Bottom line, if there's a way to get it free, somebody's gonna exploit it.
there is a lot of dvd-copying software available for purchase. it is sold so that people can make a legal backup of their purchased DVDs. many people 'backup' illegally. generally, this software is not sold in the US or germany (at least not legally).
5. do you think that a software (or other product) should be illegal in the US and legal in another country? why or why not? No, it shouldn't be illegal. Plus, to the end user, if you download it from a server in Germany, its mostly the same as if you download it from a server across town. Plus, like MP3s, Movie Downloads, etc, people are going to get it if they want it. And the concept of making "backups" of your DVDs is ridiculous. Thats like when you go into the store that sells "Water Pipes For Tobacco." Are you really worried that you're going to damage your 'Pootie Tang' DVD?
6. people justify their illegal DVD backups by saying that hollywood has so much money ANYWAY, or [insert excuse here]. do you agree or disagree? why or why not? Its not that Hollywood has too much money, its that they're asking for too much money from the general public.
7. there are millions of file-sharers all over the world. in your opinion, is it in the federal government's best interests to go after people in the US who have over x-amount of files on their personal computers? Like my favorite crackhead says, "Its not right, but its OK." The government has to do something about it, because no matter how people try to justify it, its illegal. They shouldn't put those people in jail, just fine them. That would be a deterrent for the people they do catch, and a handful of people they don't catch, plus it would make those douchebags at the RIAA happy. Its not right, because the people are just listening to music. They're hurting no one... no not even the artist. MP3s and the downloading of movies should force the music business to re-evaluate how its been working for the last 40 years. It didn't keep up with new technology, so look what happened. The business model is the same as its always been. Instead of 78s, 33s, 8-Tracks, or Cassettes, its CDs. No other changes. But now they have to figure out how to work around digital downloads. One day they will. I predict they'll eventually view mp3s like playing a song on the radio. You don't pay to listen to it, but they hope its good enough that you'll buy it. The market will right itself, if you let it.
1. Who is the first celebrity you recall having a crush on?
Princess Leia, no not in a Ross from Friends way either!
2. What was your favorite amusement park ride when you were young? I never really had a favorite. I liked all the roller coasters equally.
3. If you could change your name (first or middle but the name you go by), would you, and if so, what would you change it to? Heywood Jablome, or Hugh Jorgan, or if I was muslim, I'd be Khamir Ubitch.
4. Go to http://kabalarians.com/ and take the "First Name Analysis" test. Do you agree with what the site comes up with? I did this a few years ago. No, I don't agree. You can't get a picture of my personality just from my name.
5. Other than Johnny Carson, which former talk show host's tape archives would you most like to visit, and why? None really. Maybe Letterman just because I like him.
6. READER'S CHOICE QUESTION #44 from Jessie: If you were in good health, would you donate a kidney to a friend who's dying regardless of what your family's opinion are and if yes or no, why or why not? Of course. If you have a kidney that he needs, and you don't give it to him, you're signing his death certificate. Its murder-by-inaction, no different if the guy was on fire and you're standing there with a bucket of water. And people will say, "If I get kidney disease I'll need both of them." Thats bullshit, if you get kidney disease, it'll fuck up both your kidneys. So you'd be screwed anyway.
Sunday, January 30, 2005
Hey Look...
Apparently, a computer can determine my political leanings.
Check out my Morality! 72% liberal, 28% conservative
Check out my Morality! 72% liberal, 28% conservative
Saturday, January 29, 2005
Blame The Dog
STOCKBRIDGE, Ga. (AP) -- A legally blind man charged with recklessly driving a golf cart says it was the dog's fault.
Samuel McClain of Stockbridge, Georgia, drove a golf cart along two miles of cart paths last summer to arrive at a Mexican restaurant. Peachtree City police say a friend acted as McClain's eyes, telling him where to steer.
His attorney says McClain managed to park the cart safely -- but then his seeing-eye dog pawed the accelerator, and the cart lurched into a parked van.
The dog is off the hook, but not the two men. A judge sentenced them this week to a year probation and fined them 675 dollars each.
Life's a bitch... then one steps on the accelerator of your golf cart.
Bright Spots In A Very Dark Night
Sometimes there are bright spots among the dark nights. This guy was badly injured during the train derailment in Southern California last week. He writes to his wife and children in blood on the wall of the train because he didn't think he was going to make it. Sure enough, he did. There were so many tragic stories that day, its good to see there are positives. The sad aspect of the whole story is, the piece of shit who caused the whole accident, will spend the rest of his life sitting on his ass in air conditioning watching TV. All because he was going to kill himself by parking his Jeep on the tracks... but then he chickened out... left his jeep on the tracks... and caused the derailment that killed 11 people. Maybe there will be some justice one day.
The ice storm is just as I predicted. Jackasses not knowing how to drive, and the media blowing it out of proportion. I had a quarter inch of ice on the Xterra this afternoon. Not snow, solid ass ice. It was like in that Batman movie with Arnold playing Dr. Freeze. And on the way to work, there were idiots speeding by me, and other idiots running across the road. Why can't they just stay the hell home?
Friday, January 28, 2005
How Do You Spell Pee?
Man peed way out of avalanche
A Slovak man trapped in his car under an avalanche freed himself by drinking 60 bottles of beer and urinating on the snow to melt it.
Rescue teams found Richard Kral drunk and staggering along a mountain path four days after his Audi car was buried in the Slovak Tatra mountains.
He told them that after the avalanche, he had opened his car window and tried to dig his way out.
But as he dug with his hands, he realised the snow would fill his car before he managed to break through.
He had 60 half-litre bottles of beer in his car as he was going on holiday, and after cracking one open to think about the problem he realised he could urinate on the snow to melt it, local media reported.
He said: "I was scooping the snow from above me and packing it down below the window, and then I peed on it to melt it. It was hard and now my kidneys and liver hurt. But I'm glad the beer I took on holiday turned out to be useful and I managed to get out of there."
Afternoon Delight
I don't watch American Idol, I don't have the stomach for it, but the second I heard the incoherent ramblings of one Leroy Wells, I knew he was going to be a star. Move over Kelly and Clay, even Snellvilian Diana DiGarmo needs to bow to Leroy's prowess on the stage. Then to make this guy even more crunk, he watched his own episode from an Alabama jail! This guy is going to be bigger than William Hung, with more street cred than those Budweiser "Wazzzzup!" guys. I'm sure when Leroy walks out of jail, he'll be walking into stardom. Mark My Words!
Another note from prime time TV, have I mentioned how much I enjoy the lesbian subplot on The O.C.? I hear from the gossip rags that Mischa Barton enjoyed doing the love scenes with sexy sapphic siren Olivia Wilde. Who wouldn't? Look at those eyes. Even chicks wanna hit dat.
And here in the ATL, we're expecting "Ice Storm 05." I'm not a meteorologist but here's my forecast: people will drive like idiots, and get into accidents, and it'll be cold and rainy and shitty. And we in the media will blow it out of proportion. Big surprise. Check back Sunday night, and you'll see I was correct. People up north are used to this stuff, but in Atlanta, apparently its big deal. Yet one more reason why this is as far north as I ever want to live. Regardless, keep warm.
Another note from prime time TV, have I mentioned how much I enjoy the lesbian subplot on The O.C.? I hear from the gossip rags that Mischa Barton enjoyed doing the love scenes with sexy sapphic siren Olivia Wilde. Who wouldn't? Look at those eyes. Even chicks wanna hit dat.And here in the ATL, we're expecting "Ice Storm 05." I'm not a meteorologist but here's my forecast: people will drive like idiots, and get into accidents, and it'll be cold and rainy and shitty. And we in the media will blow it out of proportion. Big surprise. Check back Sunday night, and you'll see I was correct. People up north are used to this stuff, but in Atlanta, apparently its big deal. Yet one more reason why this is as far north as I ever want to live. Regardless, keep warm.
Greetings From Moose Knuckle, Kentucky
Kelly Ripa Camel Toe. Why do I want you to see this? I laughed at this for hours after seeing this.
I Geek, Therefore I Am
I'm not that nerdy, but definately not hip. What about you? Take the test, hit comments and release your innner Louis Skolnik.
Scared Networks, Part Deux
First Bud pulls a harmless commercial... Now Disney's getting stupid. They've pulled that "I'm going to Disney World" promotion. They claim its not because of the Wardrobe Malfunction, but c'mon. Don't piss on my leg and tell me its raining. Why else would they pull it for just one year. So screw the big mouse.
Thursday, January 27, 2005
Mayhem In The AM
1.Do you spend much time on the phone? Why/why not? Who do you talk to normally when you do talk on the phone? Nope, I just use it for the exchange of vital information and then hang up. Ironically, I love my cell phone.
2. Are you the type of person who has to answer the phone when it rings, or are you able just to let it ring if you don't feel like answering it? Do you at least have voicemail if you don't answer the phone?
No, I always answer it.
3. Cell phones are more and more replacing land lines. What is your primary phone? If you have a land line and you don't really use it, why do you have it?
I only have a land line because the cell phone reception sucks inside my apartment. If not, I'd get rid of the land line.
Bonus Question for Comments: What about after-hours phone calls? What happens if the phone rings at 3am? Do you ignore it, or do you answer it? Why/Why not?
I answer it because its probably someone calling me into work, a Red Cross emergency, or some other type of emergency. And why would you let the phone ring at 3am, it'll just wake you up.
Q. Do you feel you have much impact on the lives of people you come in contact with?
You'll have to ask them. I don't think so.
::Light or Dark::
Onesome: Light-- Light chocolate or dark chocolate? ...or no chocolate at all? A little of each. Not much on the chocolate.
Twosome: or-- Yeah, easy stuff this week Lots of cream when I drink coffee, which is rarely, and only to keep awake. I drink any kind of cola I can get.
Threesome: Dark-- Light-colored clothing or dark clothes? Which do you prefer to wear? Angel to goth, we're curious?
I wear dark clothing cuz I'm a fat bastard.
What about you? Hit comments and release your inner Juan Valdez.
Sad, Sad, Sad
"Hi, I'm Alanis Morrisette, I haven't had a hit in years, I'll be edgy and dress in a Hooters outfit. Hey Avril, Call me, Dog!"Wednesday, January 26, 2005
More Scared Networks
I has happened again. In an effort to protect children from thinking about last year's wardrobe malfunction Budweiser has pulled a harmless Budweiser Commercial, because it makes fun of the incident. There are not tits in it, there are no curse words, there's even no one pretending to moon the crowd. Its just funny. The puritans put in place by Bush's America are squeezing the life out of every outlet of creativity. How long do you think it'll be before they're burning books and censoring CDs?
Wednesday Mind Hump
1. Why aren't fish used to decorate Christmas trees? Because they have no arms to put the ornaments on.
2. What is the best answering machine message that you never heard? The one where they pretend that they can't hear you, then say "ooh this is just a message" ehhehe.. it never gets old.
3. Should dolls come with instructions? Why or why not? Yes, so you know how many "lifelike holes" they have, and how many psi to inflate to.
4. How can you be sure you truely exist and aren't just a figment in someone else's dream? How can you be sure I truely exist? I hope I'm just a figment of someone else's dream, and they wake the hell up.
5. When in the course of human events? For how long? Why? yes, all day, just cuz.
My doctor made me sick. I went in there with a sinus headache and I came out with a cold. Thanks Doc.
2. What is the best answering machine message that you never heard? The one where they pretend that they can't hear you, then say "ooh this is just a message" ehhehe.. it never gets old.
3. Should dolls come with instructions? Why or why not? Yes, so you know how many "lifelike holes" they have, and how many psi to inflate to.
4. How can you be sure you truely exist and aren't just a figment in someone else's dream? How can you be sure I truely exist? I hope I'm just a figment of someone else's dream, and they wake the hell up.
5. When in the course of human events? For how long? Why? yes, all day, just cuz.
My doctor made me sick. I went in there with a sinus headache and I came out with a cold. Thanks Doc.
Evening Dispatch
1. Which of the following is your favorite store and why?
A) Wal-Mart
B) Target
C) K Mart
D) Sears
Target of course! They have all the stuff you need at good prices. They have a nice assortment of air freshners.
2. How far does your closest friend who's not in the same town as you live, and when was the last time you saw them in person?
Atlanta To San Antonio, the last time we hung out was during the 2002 Prince Celebration in Minneapolis.
3. Have you ever gone on a date with someone you met online? Would you? Yes many times.
4. What is your favorite novel and what makes it stand out for you? Charlie And The Chocolate Factory. Cuz its on a 4th Grade reading level :) I mostly read non-fiction anyway (at least the one book per year I read).
5. You get snowed in at your home for three days. You have power and telephone service, but no way to leave the house. How will you amuse yourself? Thats so not a problem for me. I'd watch tv and play on the internet. I'd welcome that situation. I wouldn't have to go to work. :)
This is amazing.
A) Wal-Mart
B) Target
C) K Mart
D) Sears
Target of course! They have all the stuff you need at good prices. They have a nice assortment of air freshners.
2. How far does your closest friend who's not in the same town as you live, and when was the last time you saw them in person?
Atlanta To San Antonio, the last time we hung out was during the 2002 Prince Celebration in Minneapolis.
3. Have you ever gone on a date with someone you met online? Would you? Yes many times.
4. What is your favorite novel and what makes it stand out for you? Charlie And The Chocolate Factory. Cuz its on a 4th Grade reading level :) I mostly read non-fiction anyway (at least the one book per year I read).
5. You get snowed in at your home for three days. You have power and telephone service, but no way to leave the house. How will you amuse yourself? Thats so not a problem for me. I'd watch tv and play on the internet. I'd welcome that situation. I wouldn't have to go to work. :)
What about you? Hit Comments and release you inner Howard Hughes
This is amazing.
Tuesday, January 25, 2005
Bottles And Banks
This idiot tried to rob the bank at which I do my financial transactions. He tried to rob it... with a broken bottle. How gotdam stupid you gotta be do that? Oh well. I got nothing tonight. Sending out an SOS... Sending out an Olive Branch...
Don't Stop Believing
Journey gets a star on the Hollywood Walk Of Fame. And Steve Perry showed up and was welcomed with 'Open Arms.' Have they run out of people to give stars to? I really don't give a shit about Journey, I just wanted to use two Journey songs in a post. :)
Monday, January 24, 2005
Assignment Desk Quote Of The Day
"Its like Christmas In Hell, you don't know which explosive package to pick first."
Monday Night Football Controversy Folo
Ok, I hear that the controversial Monday Night Football skit that featured a naked Nicolette Sheridan dropping her towel and jumping into the arms of Terrell Owens, was supposed to have John Madden in it. Now I ask you... who wouldn't want to see John Madden wearing nothing but a towel? hehehe.Pop Culture Terrorist.
I thouht these were interesting. I found them on some webpage. My comments follow each.
1. Ice Cube made much better music when he hated whitey. True Dat. F Tha Police not Are We There Yet?
2. Trucker hats weren't cool the first time around. They're not cool now. Aw hell yeah. Amen to that!
3. Everytime someone calls Kenny G's music "jazz" the baby Miles Davis cries. Amen To That as well!
4. Zombies don't run. Um, OK.
5. The Black Eyed Peas made two great hip-hop albums, which didn't sell. Then they hired a naked hoochie and dumbed down their music. This is called "selling out." You say 'selling out' like its a bad thing. I'm for people getting money, and naked hoochies. Its not like they made a kiddie road comedy. I'm looking at you Mr. Cube.
6. Believe it or not, Eddie Murphy was funny before he made movies for kids (notable exception: Donkey). Exactly! Remember the days of 48 Hours? Raw? Delirious? Ice Cube's following Eddie's lead.
7. If you are seemingly doing an aerobics routine on stage, you are not a "singer." You are an "entertainer." That's true. Nice way of putting it.
8. When you buy a Che Guevara t-shirt, you betray your trendy socialist ideals on several different levels. I don't think they know exactly who that guy is. But some marketing guy decided to make him into a T-Shirt. "Um he like freed the slaves or something?"
9. Just because a movie is quirky, doesn't mean it is funny. I'm looking at you, Napoleon Dynamite. I liked the movie. but I agree that some quirky movies suck, like Being John Malcovich.
10. There are two eras of the Beach Boys, both defined by its key member: Brian Wilson and John Stamos. One of these men was a genius deserving of his rank in the American music pantheon. The other banged Rebecca Romijn. Who cares either way?
11. Uma Thurman is not attractive. She's attractive, but not the hottest thing since sliced bread like everyone makes her out to be.
12. For anyone who thinks that their road to fame lies in reality TV, tell me who won Fox's Boot Camp. Or the names of the people on last night's Blind Date. Umm was his name was Glenn? Point taken.
13. Han Solo shoots first. Fuck yeah! Give Han his balls back!
Props to Micah's World.
What other Pop Culture Maxims would you like to dispell? Hit comments and release your inner Michael Ian Black.
1. Ice Cube made much better music when he hated whitey. True Dat. F Tha Police not Are We There Yet?
2. Trucker hats weren't cool the first time around. They're not cool now. Aw hell yeah. Amen to that!
3. Everytime someone calls Kenny G's music "jazz" the baby Miles Davis cries. Amen To That as well!
4. Zombies don't run. Um, OK.
5. The Black Eyed Peas made two great hip-hop albums, which didn't sell. Then they hired a naked hoochie and dumbed down their music. This is called "selling out." You say 'selling out' like its a bad thing. I'm for people getting money, and naked hoochies. Its not like they made a kiddie road comedy. I'm looking at you Mr. Cube.
6. Believe it or not, Eddie Murphy was funny before he made movies for kids (notable exception: Donkey). Exactly! Remember the days of 48 Hours? Raw? Delirious? Ice Cube's following Eddie's lead.
7. If you are seemingly doing an aerobics routine on stage, you are not a "singer." You are an "entertainer." That's true. Nice way of putting it.
8. When you buy a Che Guevara t-shirt, you betray your trendy socialist ideals on several different levels. I don't think they know exactly who that guy is. But some marketing guy decided to make him into a T-Shirt. "Um he like freed the slaves or something?"
9. Just because a movie is quirky, doesn't mean it is funny. I'm looking at you, Napoleon Dynamite. I liked the movie. but I agree that some quirky movies suck, like Being John Malcovich.
10. There are two eras of the Beach Boys, both defined by its key member: Brian Wilson and John Stamos. One of these men was a genius deserving of his rank in the American music pantheon. The other banged Rebecca Romijn. Who cares either way?
11. Uma Thurman is not attractive. She's attractive, but not the hottest thing since sliced bread like everyone makes her out to be.
12. For anyone who thinks that their road to fame lies in reality TV, tell me who won Fox's Boot Camp. Or the names of the people on last night's Blind Date. Umm was his name was Glenn? Point taken.
13. Han Solo shoots first. Fuck yeah! Give Han his balls back!
Props to Micah's World.
What other Pop Culture Maxims would you like to dispell? Hit comments and release your inner Michael Ian Black.
The New Toofs
I posted after-pics of the new toofs, courtesy of Richie P. I'll be rockin the Flavor Flav Grills soon. :)Friday, January 21, 2005
I just want your extra time and your.....
You have a mysterious kiss. Your partner never
knows what you're going to come up with next;
this creates great excitement and arousal never
knowing what to expect. And it's sure to end
in a kiss as great as your mystery.
What kind of kiss are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
I'm bored and wasting time at work. You want meaningful insight, ask me something meaningful and insightful.
Afternoon Delight
- Did you know you can get an original Picasso from CostCo's website? What has the world come to? "I'll take those 8 huge cans of Beefaroni, and one Picasso, please."
- I don't give a shit whether the Falcons beat the Eagles and go to the Super Bowl. I hope they don't cuz then I won't have to hear another thing about them until next year. Go Eagles.
- My moment of Zen: I had two crowns put on yesterday. It was excruciating ordeal. Four gotdam hours of drilling on my front two teefs. Imagine the high-pitched whine of the drill vibrating your skull for four hours. Halfway through I snapped some pics. "Is that your moment of Zen, Lunchbox?" you may ask. No, gentle reader, no. Here it is: There was a TV on, and I had to watch the entire inauguration ceremony (all 4 hours of it). About an hour into NBC's coverage, the dentist starts yelling at Tim Russert and Brian Williams and demands the TV be put on Fox News. He's really upset at NBC's commentators. What goes through my mind at that point? This bastards gonna mess up my grill cuz he's a Republican! I oughta send the GOP my bill! If you're wondering, all worked out, and was relatively painless.
Ding Dong The Witch Is Dead!
News comes today that Michael Powell, head of the FCC resigned today. This is great news. He's behind this beating down of the 1st Amendment that started with Janet's boob. He used that incident as a mandate to restrict free speech. Look what he's done in just a year. This guy was put in place as a favor to his daddy. Yes, Powell was put in place while Clinton was in power, but it was still as a favor to his ole man. Its frightening to think in a country that not only professes to be a free country, in a country that insists all other countries be free, that we let one guy have carte blanche in censoring the entertainment world. This guy's got broadcasters so freaked, they hand out fines for pretending to moon the crowd. So Michael Powell, may you have a nice life thumping your bible, and setting your parental lock on your cable box. He's supposedly going to run for the Governor of Virginia. I'm sure Howard, and every other DJ in the entire world will make sure he loses. Remember, what goes around comes around. Maybe one day his kid will be a Shock Jock... or star in a bukkake video.
Whenever I'm happy someone gets fired, its always tempered by one caveat: The devil you know is sometimes worse than the devil you don't know. Being in a business, or working at a station, that has more turnovers than a french pastry shop, I've seen this happen. So maybe the next FCC head will be an open-minded person, but since Bush is in the White House, the next guy will be just as conservative and closed-minded. In the best case scenario, we get a guy who comes in there and says, "Look, don't use the seven dirty words, don't show nudity on the air, and don't show disgusting violence. Other than that, use your best judgement." But that won't happen. We're going to have Jerry Falwell as head of the FCC. Like Ice-T said more than a decade ago: "Freedom Of Speech... Just Watch What You Say."
Dorothy Mantooth Is A Saint
1. Which is worse, the Burning Question ~OR~ the Painful Truth? The Painful Truth.
2. "Live hard, die young and leave a beautiful corpse" ~OR~ "Live long and prosper"? Live Long and Prosper. You get to see more stuff that way.
3. Let bygones be bygones ~OR~ Bitch, I'll cut you!? Let bygones be bygones. To err is human, to forgive divine.
4. Private hell ~OR~ Sharing is caring? Private Hell.
5. Open hearted ~OR~ Walls around your heart? Walls. How are your walls?
2. "Live hard, die young and leave a beautiful corpse" ~OR~ "Live long and prosper"? Live Long and Prosper. You get to see more stuff that way.
3. Let bygones be bygones ~OR~ Bitch, I'll cut you!? Let bygones be bygones. To err is human, to forgive divine.
4. Private hell ~OR~ Sharing is caring? Private Hell.
5. Open hearted ~OR~ Walls around your heart? Walls. How are your walls?
Friday Five
1. Number of jobs you've held: 7.
2. Biggest raise, by percent: 50%
3. Have you ever quit? Yeah, I've quit all my jobs.
4. Have you ever been fired? I've never been fired (yet, knock on wood.. cuz shit, the night's still young)
5. Worst mistake, while on the job: During breaking news of a 1999 air raid on Iraq, I assumed ABC news would pre-empt our news, so I stopped working on the show, halfway through writing it. Guess what, unlike cbs, nbc & fox, they dumped out, and left me with a half hour to fill, with only 15 minutes of written stories. Whats worse, because I stopped writing when the breaking news happened, I hadn't written a story about the breaking news. So while I did have 15 minutes of news, none of it was on the air raid. My poor anchor fumbled through ad-libbing the story, then we went on to the boring shit of the day. Luckily ABC broke in again about 10 minutes later. It was a hard lesson to learn. I felt worse when the anchor came in the control room crying! To this day I always assume, in the event of national breaking news, that the network will drop out. Like a professional would. Imagine that.
2. Biggest raise, by percent: 50%
3. Have you ever quit? Yeah, I've quit all my jobs.
4. Have you ever been fired? I've never been fired (yet, knock on wood.. cuz shit, the night's still young)
5. Worst mistake, while on the job: During breaking news of a 1999 air raid on Iraq, I assumed ABC news would pre-empt our news, so I stopped working on the show, halfway through writing it. Guess what, unlike cbs, nbc & fox, they dumped out, and left me with a half hour to fill, with only 15 minutes of written stories. Whats worse, because I stopped writing when the breaking news happened, I hadn't written a story about the breaking news. So while I did have 15 minutes of news, none of it was on the air raid. My poor anchor fumbled through ad-libbing the story, then we went on to the boring shit of the day. Luckily ABC broke in again about 10 minutes later. It was a hard lesson to learn. I felt worse when the anchor came in the control room crying! To this day I always assume, in the event of national breaking news, that the network will drop out. Like a professional would. Imagine that.
Thursday, January 20, 2005
Tuesday, January 18, 2005
Tuesday Is Choose Day
Would you rather:
be the world's best dodgeball player OR the world's best chess player? Chess player, cuz it would actually require thinking. Even a dog knows to move when something's thrown at it.
be allergic to egg products OR wheat products? eggs. I like bread too much.
be able to go back in time to when JFK was assassinated OR abraham lincoln? JFK. He was much more interesting than Abe. Plus the 1960s were much cool than the 1860s. PLus they didn't make a Kevin Costner movie about Abe's assassination.
be able to do complex math equations instantly OR sing professionally You ever heard of math groupies? Exactly.
be the world's best dodgeball player OR the world's best chess player? Chess player, cuz it would actually require thinking. Even a dog knows to move when something's thrown at it.
be allergic to egg products OR wheat products? eggs. I like bread too much.
be able to go back in time to when JFK was assassinated OR abraham lincoln? JFK. He was much more interesting than Abe. Plus the 1960s were much cool than the 1860s. PLus they didn't make a Kevin Costner movie about Abe's assassination.
be able to do complex math equations instantly OR sing professionally You ever heard of math groupies? Exactly.
Jumping The Shark
Jump The Shark - v. The moment when you know a show has reached its peak and will never be good again. Named after an episode of Happy Days when Fonzie jumped a shark on his motorcycle.
With that in mind:
1. What is the worst Jump the Shark moment for a show that you've faithfully watched? Did you continue to watch after the show took the jump or did you give up in disgust? The worst: When David and Maddie finally screwed on Moonlighting. After that, what was the point? Other obvious jumps: When Rob Morrow left Northern Exposure, when we found out who killed Laura Palmer on Twin Peaks, when Dixie Carter and that little satan kid joined the Drummonds on Diff'rent Strokes. E.R. started sucking once Goose From Top Gun guy died. Which ones am I missing?
2. Is there a show that you're currently watching that you think has Jumped the Shark? Any show that currently is putting on a life vest and strapping on water skis? Smallville and Enterprise. I used to watch them religiously, but the story lines just got repetitive and uninteresting.
3. Is there a show that has never taken the jump? The Simpsons and NYPD Blue are still on and good. Seinfeld never jumped the shark, it ended way too soon.
4. Is there a show that got close to jumping but then came back? West Wing could be close to jumping, but I think once Jimmy Smits joins the cast it will either renew the energy or sink like the Kerry Campaign.
5. What elements do you think most contribute to a show making the jump? A main character leaving or the introduction of a baby or a precocious kid.
See the complete list of shows at Jump The Shark.
What do you think? What shows have raised your hopes, then let you down? Hit comments and release your inner Arnold Horshack.
Monday, January 17, 2005
Assignment Desk Quote Of The Day
Upon being assigned a task:
"If I wanted to waste that much time, I'd start smoking dope again."
"If I wanted to waste that much time, I'd start smoking dope again."
Afternoon Delight
I like to see my friends in the news. This is hilarious. Find out why Randy Johnson earned the nickname thats a synonym for "Big Dick." This big dork got physical with a photographer who put a camera in his face when he was walking down the street in New York. 
Yes, it was rude of the photographer, but if you're job is to be a public person, thats tough. You signed up to be a baseball player and you get paid EXTREMELY well for it. I don't think walking down the street with a photographer is a big deal. I hope the New York fans boo that overpaid prick. Now it seems he pulled that same shit when he was in Arizona, as Mr. Tyree found out! Gil should've decked that douchebag. But then again, I've never been rich, famous or had cameras follow me down the street. Lighten Up, Randy!
Speaking Of Lightening Up and idiots named Randy... The NFL fined Randy Moss $10,000 for pretending to moon the crowd after a touchdown. Then when pressed about the fine he shrugged it off and said, "that ain't shit, next time I'm gonna wave my dick." In my opinion, both sides are wrong. First of all, the NFL should lighten the hell up. The guy pretended to moon the crowd because it was the custom for the fans to really moon the opposing team as they leave the stadium. The NFL is obviously so skittish about anything controversial they're doling out fines for wardrobe malfunctions of the imaginary kind. Now on the other hand, Moss's reaction to the fine was more offensive to me than the original act (which I didn't find offensive at all). I'm sure the family man whose dropping $250 to take his wife and kids to a football game is happy to know that ten g's ain't nothing to Mr. Moss. The NFL should find him $10,000 more for being an ingrate. I wish he had gotten all the way to the Super Bowl, and the morning of the game, he breaks his leg tripping over the male hooker passed out on the floor of his hotel room.
The Golden Globes. This show is like the bastard stepchild of movie awards shows. Even the MTV movie awards have more credibility. I only watched a little bit of this crap, but that horrid movie "Closer" got two awards. I wasted two hours of my life that I'll never get back watching that talky un-interesting steaming pile of a movie. Its my own fault for listening to hype. Why did I think that a movie with the "Pride Of Smyrna" Julia Roberts would be anything other than a pile of shit? Natalie Portman plays a stripper, but yet the boob screen time was upwards of 3 seconds. Plenty of talking about fucking, but ain't a whole lot of it going on. I 
was hoodwinked. Damn you Princess Amidala, Damn you! One other notable thing about the awards, Ellen And Portia are now stepping out as a couple. Good for them. Could wedding bells be far behind? What about the pitter-patter of little feet? Or will it be a stolen sex tape and a trip to rehab? Fly on Lesbian Seagulls, Fly on!
Speaking of Sapphic goings-on, I hear one of the contestants on the The Bachelorette is a lesbian. Good for her. Maybe she'll hook up with one of the contestants on The Bachelor or The Apprentice. Or they could give them their own reality show, where a bevy of buxom beauties fight for the affections of a hot lesbian. It could work. But in reality... not the world in reality TV... it'll just be a publicity stunt to get more viewers. I may have to tune in, just in case.
Has it been more than a week since I've made a shameless ploy for hits and mentioned Ashlee Simpson? It seems my distaste for all things Ashlee is shared by about 42,000 other people. Thats according to this online petition:
To: Geffen/DGC Records & JT Simpson Entertainment
We, the undersigned, are disgusted with Ashlee Simpson's horrible singing and hereby ask her to stop. Stop recording, touring, modeling and performing. We do not wish to see her again.
She cannot match the sound of her voice that can be found on her CDs, when she sings live. She simply yells the words (sometimes the wrong ones) into the mic.
We are so sickened by her "performing" that we are taking this opportunity to demand that she stop.
Sincerely,
The Undersigned
Please Please listen to the voice of the people young Ashlee!
What do you think about Randy, Gil, Randy, Natalie, Ellen, Portia, Bachelorette Lesbian, or Ashlee? Hit Comments and release your inner Mary Hart.
Celebrity Skin
Nicole Richie whips em out at a charity fashion show. Hooray for her. I'd throw in a few extra bucks for charity if I got a look at those beauties. Lionel must be proud. Maybe she should take some skank lessons from Britney, who again, judging from this recent photo, proves the old adage, you can take the girl out of the trailer park, but you can take the trailer park outta the girl. Sunday, January 16, 2005
Saturday, January 15, 2005
Saturday Shiznit
1. You achieve a high level of fame in your chosen career. Calls begin coming in for interviews...if you could only appear on one of the following shows, which would you select?
A) Today
B) Live! with Regis and Kelly
C) The Daily Show
D) Oprah
E) David Letterman
F) Jay Leno
G) Jerry Springer
Definately Letterman. I've been an avid viewer since I was like 11. When I was a kid it was the greatest achievement to be able to stay up until after Johnny Carson and see Letterman. He's the funniest of the bunch. 'Today' is too early in the morning, and Matt Lauer and Katie Couric are too chipper for me. 'Regis' would be cool. The Daily Show would be cool, but its on basic cable. I would never in a million years go on Oprah. Jay Leno is OK, but he's no Letterman. And Jerry Springer, what the hell, I'd do it.
2. You have the opportunity to briefly become another person in another body, then spend 48 hours alone with the real you. Would you do it? No way.
3. You have the opportunity to briefly become another person in another body and live a normal life for 48 hours. Would you dare to spend two days as a member of the opposite gender? Sure, that would be an eye opening experience... of course, I'd be a lesbian.
4. Compared to previous years, did you spend more or less money on Christmas gifts? How soon do you think you'll have all of the bills for Christmas paid off?
More. Next Christmas I'll have them paid off.
5. What is the first toy you remember playing with? Star Wars Toys of course!
6. Have you ever downloaded a song or theme song for your cell phone? If so, which one amuses you most? If you haven't, but had to pick one, what would it be? Yes. It plays the Sanford And Son theme when it rings.
A) Today
B) Live! with Regis and Kelly
C) The Daily Show
D) Oprah
E) David Letterman
F) Jay Leno
G) Jerry Springer
Definately Letterman. I've been an avid viewer since I was like 11. When I was a kid it was the greatest achievement to be able to stay up until after Johnny Carson and see Letterman. He's the funniest of the bunch. 'Today' is too early in the morning, and Matt Lauer and Katie Couric are too chipper for me. 'Regis' would be cool. The Daily Show would be cool, but its on basic cable. I would never in a million years go on Oprah. Jay Leno is OK, but he's no Letterman. And Jerry Springer, what the hell, I'd do it.
2. You have the opportunity to briefly become another person in another body, then spend 48 hours alone with the real you. Would you do it? No way.
3. You have the opportunity to briefly become another person in another body and live a normal life for 48 hours. Would you dare to spend two days as a member of the opposite gender? Sure, that would be an eye opening experience... of course, I'd be a lesbian.
4. Compared to previous years, did you spend more or less money on Christmas gifts? How soon do you think you'll have all of the bills for Christmas paid off?
More. Next Christmas I'll have them paid off.
5. What is the first toy you remember playing with? Star Wars Toys of course!
6. Have you ever downloaded a song or theme song for your cell phone? If so, which one amuses you most? If you haven't, but had to pick one, what would it be? Yes. It plays the Sanford And Son theme when it rings.
How old am I?
|
You Are 29 Years Old |
|
29 Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax. |
I'm really 12. So screw them.
Friday, January 14, 2005
Wanna be cool and the envy of your friends?
Well maybe not really.
I have six GMail invites to give away. If you're looking for a new email address that has a gigabyte of storage space, let me know.
Hit comments, put your email, and release your inner Bill Gates.
I have six GMail invites to give away. If you're looking for a new email address that has a gigabyte of storage space, let me know.
Hit comments, put your email, and release your inner Bill Gates.
Miserableness = Beyond Misery
This newsroom is freezing. Its 45 degrees outside, but yet its 29 degrees inside. I'm sitting in a huge ass room, but yet the TV thats 3 feet away from my head has to be at full blast. Why? Because the ghetto rat hoochie is spewing a non-stop stream of ebonics into the phone at volume 11... the dork in the next cube is playing online games with the speakers turned up... and the police scanners are turned up. The show doesn't start for another hour, so I'm stuck here in this sub-zero episode of a UPN sitcom until then. What a wonderful friday night. Save me.
Phantom Of The Opera
Onesome: The Phantom-- Pick one (or more!): Hey, have you seen it yet? Are you going to go see it? Have you seen it on stage? Read the book? What Phantom? I've seen it on stage, and I hated it. It was soooo boring. The effects were nice, but the singing, and the dancing, ugggh. I guess I'm just not high cultchuh enough. And there's no way in hell I'd ever go see that stupid movie.
Twosome: of the-- Of the sights and sounds and smells of Spring what are you waiting for the most? ...and what is the first sign in your area that Spring is on its way? It just turned cold here. Cold and rain, yay. Luckily this is Atlanta and it won't be around long.
Threesome: Opera-- Theatre? Stage? Local shows? Do you get a chance to visit any of these venues? Any recommendations on current items?
I get invited to all the local broadway shows, but so far I've only gone twice. I saw Rent, which was great, not as gay as I thought. And I also saw Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. Thats my favorite hands down. I even bought the DVD of it.
What about you? Hit Comments and release your inner Andrew Lloyd Webber.
Twosome: of the-- Of the sights and sounds and smells of Spring what are you waiting for the most? ...and what is the first sign in your area that Spring is on its way? It just turned cold here. Cold and rain, yay. Luckily this is Atlanta and it won't be around long.
Threesome: Opera-- Theatre? Stage? Local shows? Do you get a chance to visit any of these venues? Any recommendations on current items?
I get invited to all the local broadway shows, but so far I've only gone twice. I saw Rent, which was great, not as gay as I thought. And I also saw Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. Thats my favorite hands down. I even bought the DVD of it.
What about you? Hit Comments and release your inner Andrew Lloyd Webber.
Thursday, January 13, 2005
Moment Of Zen
Today's moment of Zen comes via E-mail. I've been invited to interview Cybill Shepherd about HER BOWELS. I know irritable bowel syndrome is a serious problem... But I just get the willies thinking of her taking a big nasty shit, then coming out the can to talk to me about it. What would I ask her? Did you wash your hands? Is your sphincter chaffed? Can you fart the 'Moonlighting' theme? This woman's trying to help people and I'm crackin' wise. I'm going to hell or at least be doomed to spend eternity in an aging TV star's rectum.What should I ask her? Hit comments and release your inner Barbara Walters.
Today's Most Pathetic Item
This guy's doing a one man show, in which he tells the entire Star Wars Trilogy in one hour. I understand his liking Star Wars and stuff, but to take a one-man-show of it on tour is just ridiculous. I watched about 30-seconds of the show on his website, and that was just about all I could take. I usually giggle a little when I see Star Wars parodies and the like, but this takes the cake. The only thing worse is the Star Wars skit on Donnie And Marie in the 1970s. OH, and that stupid Christmas Special that no one ever wants to bring up. I did laugh my ass off at the 'Star Wars Kid' that was making its way across the net... but that poor kid didn't exactly want the fame. I don't think I could sit through an hour of basically some dork doing exactly what the Star Wars Kid did. Except he's charging people $25 to watch him do it. I hear he's also doing a one-man-show of the Lord Of The Rings trilogy as well. I guess everyone's got a right to make a buck. May the force be with him.
Assignment Desk Quote Of The Day
"That's some serious chocolate. You just had a chocolate speedball."
Midweek Music Question
If you could make, or remake, a music video of any song, what song would it be and what would the video be like? Bonus points for casting roles and describing plot/theme/etc.
Sign O' The Times - Prince. The video he made basically just has the words scrolling across the screen. I think I could remake it with clips from the news. The things he talked about in 1987 are relevent TODAY:
"In France a skinny man died with a big disease with a little name..."
AIDS: the average life span of a male in Africa is 33, thanks to AIDS
At home there are seventeen-year-old boys And their idea of fun Is being in a gang called the disciples...
Gangs: Just get off the wrong exit in Atlanta, and you'll definately see how relevant these lyrics are.
"Hurricane Annie ripped the ceiling off a church and killed everyone inside/You turn on the telly and every other story is telling you somebody died"
Hurricanes/Natural Disasters: 4 Hurricanes hit Florida, The Tsunami in South Asia, & the Mudslides in California
"A sister killed her baby cuz she couldn't afford to feed it..."
Child Abuse: I can't tell you how many stories I've written about scumbags who killed or abuse their kids.
"In September my cousin tried reefer for the very first time, now he's doing horse, its june."
Kids doing Crack: Go to any high school and ask whose got the hook up, and it'll astound you how young the kids that are selling.
"Is it silly no, when a rocket ship explodes, and everybody still wants to fly."
Rocket Ships Exploding: The Columbia tragedy.
Download the song, and tell me what you think.
Wednesday, January 12, 2005
But wait... there's more!
I AM 66% ASSHOLE/BITCH!  I am abrasive, some people really hate me, but there may be a group of other tight knit assholes and bitches that I can hang out with and get me. Everybody else? Fuck ‘em. |
Shout At The Devil, I'm not metal enough!
I AM 36% METAL HEAD!  Most other metal-heads acknowledge my presence, but they laugh at me behind my back. Maybe I need to stop spending all that money on haircuts and invest in a few Pantera T-shirts. |
Re-Enacting The Jackson Trial
In their latest ploy to convince you that their an actual network, E! has announced it will re-enact the Michael Jackson trial. I think they've sunk to a new low. While I applaud their ingenuity, I can just see some out of work actor getting dressed up in the Zippered Jacket and one glove. I think when they re-enact the jesus juice episode, they'll have the kid from Jerry McGuire playing the role of "Accuser #1."
Who will play the other Jacksons and key players?
Hit comments and release your inner Speilberg.
Assignment Desk Quote Of The Day
"I knew a guy who fought in the pacific theater, and he said they used to drink the stuff they put in rocket fuel."
Tuesday, January 11, 2005
Daughters...
On behalf of every man, looking out for every girl
You are the god and the weight of her world
So fathers be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers be good to your daughters, too
Two For Tuesday
1. Two celebs that you feel are the most overexposed: A) Anyone whose last name is Simpson (and isn't animated), we know they look hot and they're stupid and can't sing, yay Jessica, Ashlee and OJ! and B) Paris Hilton. This idiot takes a shit and there's a story about it. Drunk, Rich and Stupid is no way to go through life.
2. Two news items you wish the press would stop talking about: A) This is totally politically incorrect, but I'm tired of hearing about the Tsunami... I know that there's 200-Thousand people dead, and hundreds of thousand of more people without a home and up to their ass in trash and disease, but it just depresses me. It reminds you that no matter how much we fuck with the environment, Mother Nature is still in control. I encourage everyone to give time or money to the relief effort. But I don't think we need to see their plight every night on the news. Its like after 9/11, we didn't need to see the planes crashing into the building 50 times a day. However, I think since the people affected have brown skin, it'll be out of the news in about a month. and B) the Brad and Jennifer split. People get divorced every day... Famous people get divorced every day... Stupid Famous people get divorced every day... Do we have to have them shoved down our throats? They each make $27 Million for their bad acting, and we're supposed to feel sorry for them? We're supposed to feel sad because their love affair is over? Tough Shit. Life shits on you. Welcome to the real world. Fight Club was just a movie for Brad, but for the 99.9% of the rest of the world, its daily life.
3. A) Two songs that you are tired of hearing on the radio: Anything by an American Idol douchebag, or B) with Lil Jon yellin on it.
4. Two TV shows that should NOT be renewed for another reason: A) Any Reality Show B) Any sitcom that has any family in it.
5. Two movies (that are currently showing) that you would recommend. HhMmMmMm. I haven't been in a while. A) Rent Garden State and B) Napoleon Dynamite.
"Ya know how when you're shittin in the woods and you're on heroin..." - Artie Lange
2. Two news items you wish the press would stop talking about: A) This is totally politically incorrect, but I'm tired of hearing about the Tsunami... I know that there's 200-Thousand people dead, and hundreds of thousand of more people without a home and up to their ass in trash and disease, but it just depresses me. It reminds you that no matter how much we fuck with the environment, Mother Nature is still in control. I encourage everyone to give time or money to the relief effort. But I don't think we need to see their plight every night on the news. Its like after 9/11, we didn't need to see the planes crashing into the building 50 times a day. However, I think since the people affected have brown skin, it'll be out of the news in about a month. and B) the Brad and Jennifer split. People get divorced every day... Famous people get divorced every day... Stupid Famous people get divorced every day... Do we have to have them shoved down our throats? They each make $27 Million for their bad acting, and we're supposed to feel sorry for them? We're supposed to feel sad because their love affair is over? Tough Shit. Life shits on you. Welcome to the real world. Fight Club was just a movie for Brad, but for the 99.9% of the rest of the world, its daily life.
3. A) Two songs that you are tired of hearing on the radio: Anything by an American Idol douchebag, or B) with Lil Jon yellin on it.
4. Two TV shows that should NOT be renewed for another reason: A) Any Reality Show B) Any sitcom that has any family in it.
5. Two movies (that are currently showing) that you would recommend. HhMmMmMm. I haven't been in a while. A) Rent Garden State and B) Napoleon Dynamite.
"Ya know how when you're shittin in the woods and you're on heroin..." - Artie Lange
Monday, January 10, 2005
Afternoon Delight
now ya know!- British people are weird. Here's the top 3 singles
1. ‘Jailhouse Rock’ – Elvis Presley Came out in 1957!
2. ’Against All Odds’ – Steve Brookstein A Remake of a lame Phil Collins 80s Tune
3. ‘The Number Of The Beast’ – Iron Maiden Came out in 1982!
As if our top 10 is any better. Oh well. - Hip Hop Turns 30 this year.
- According to SalaryClock, Britney Spears made $2,116.60 in the time it took me to type this entry. I hate her.
Morning Edition (well my morning, at least)
1. My lucky number is 69.
2. My favorite day of the week is Friday because I get paid on every other one.
3. I spend about 20hours/minutes on the phone a week, and 10 of those are long distance.
4. My favorite cereal is Fr00t L00ps.
5. One hobby of mine is messing with this webpage.
6. I wish I could spend more time drinking.
7. I wish I could spend less time shitting.
8. I am really proud of my lack of a job that I requires me to work.
2. My favorite day of the week is Friday because I get paid on every other one.
3. I spend about 20hours/minutes on the phone a week, and 10 of those are long distance.
4. My favorite cereal is Fr00t L00ps.
5. One hobby of mine is messing with this webpage.
6. I wish I could spend more time drinking.
7. I wish I could spend less time shitting.
8. I am really proud of my lack of a job that I requires me to work.
Sunday, January 09, 2005
StrangeLove
Strange ain't the word for the new VH1 Show with Flavor Flav and Bigfoot. I think these two are meant for each other. They're two polar opposites, brought together by their mutual eccentricity. He, the ghetto jester raised on hip-hop... and she, the former fashion model turned sasquatch, bred on the finer things. You have to admire their chutzpah, Flav flies across the world to try and rip her away from the Italian boytoy to whom she's engaged. A romantic gesture doomed from the beginning. Flav's tenacity is second to none. He knows he's totally no good for her, she knows she can never be with a guy like him. Despite that, he knows in his heart he needs to be with her. Not for the fame, not for the fortune (unless they really believe there's no such thing as bad publicity). Maybe he sees in her everything he isn't: a strong sophisticated person who grabs life by horns and doesn't let go and can survive anything. Maybe she sees in him everything she isn't: someone with a big heart, and lets it all hang out without a care... or maybe thats what makes them the same. Maybe she sees in him a lost soul with no road map. You can see this when he gets angry whenever he feels inadequate, like when she tells him to take out his gold toofs. Beyond all of that, he knows its love. He knows what he feels for her. He's gotta know she's never going to drop everything and be Mrs. Flav. But he knows its love, and for a few fleeting moments he wanted to feel that fire. Love is like a dying ember, and only memories remain. Will they get together and walk down that aisle at the funky Vegas wedding chapel? Only time will tell... or you can just watch the show.
He came from somewhere back in her long ago
The sentimental fool don't see
Tryin' hard to recreate
What had yet to be created once in her life
She musters a smile
For his nostalgic tale
Never coming near what he wanted to say
Only to realize
It never really was
She had a place in his life
He never made her think twice
As he rises to her apology
Anybody else would surely know
He's watching her go
But what a fool believes he sees
No wise man has the power to reason away
What seems to be
Is always better than nothing
And nothing at all keeps sending him...
Somewhere back in her long ago
Where he can still believe there's a place in her life
Someday, somewhere, she will return
She had a place in his life
He never made her think twice
As he rises to her apology
Anybody else would surely know
He's watching her go
But what a fool believes he sees
No wise man has the power to reason away
What seems to be
Is always better than nothing
There's nothing at all
But what a fool believes he sees...
Saturday, January 08, 2005
Patrick's Place
Patrick's Place:1. READER'S CHOICE QUESTION #38: If you could live in a foreign country(or city) for one year, which would you choose and why? Mexico. Its sooo much fun. and they have Mexican food there... and mexican women.
2. READER'S CHOICE QUESTION #39: Did you have a security blanket, stuffed animal or toy that you were attached to as a child? Do you still have it? Nope.
3. READER'S CHOICE QUESTION #40: Favorite alcoholic beverage? Jack & Coke, but I don't drink that much. I abuse my body too many other ways.
4. READER'S CHOICE QUESTION #41: What was your favorite cartoon as a child? Tom & Jerry.
5. READER'S CHOICE QUESTION #42: Is there a chore you enjoy doing? Vacuuming, thanks to the badass Dyson.
6. READER'S CHOICE QUESTION #43: A time machine will let you travel 10 years into either the past of future. Which would you choose and why? The future, definately. The past is the past, let it go. The experiences of the past make us who we are, why change that?
2. READER'S CHOICE QUESTION #39: Did you have a security blanket, stuffed animal or toy that you were attached to as a child? Do you still have it? Nope.
3. READER'S CHOICE QUESTION #40: Favorite alcoholic beverage? Jack & Coke, but I don't drink that much. I abuse my body too many other ways.
4. READER'S CHOICE QUESTION #41: What was your favorite cartoon as a child? Tom & Jerry.
5. READER'S CHOICE QUESTION #42: Is there a chore you enjoy doing? Vacuuming, thanks to the badass Dyson.
6. READER'S CHOICE QUESTION #43: A time machine will let you travel 10 years into either the past of future. Which would you choose and why? The future, definately. The past is the past, let it go. The experiences of the past make us who we are, why change that?
I'm an OutKast B-Side
|
I Like the Way You Move by Outkast |
"There, there on the dance floor Now they got me in the middle Feelin like a man whore" You've had better years, but you're still feeling fine! |
Friday, January 07, 2005
Evening Dispatch
- I've found my true worth at my job. Forget my nearly a decade of experience, forget my award-winning writing abilities, or my stellar newscast producing... today my most important assignment: putting a 'Sex And The City' ringtone on my boss's cellphone.
- Speaking of Journalistic high points, the highlight of tonight's broadcast: Fred Powers showed his bandaged staph infection on the air. Luckily the folks at home eating dinner at 6:15 pm didn't get to see what was under the bandage. We in the control room were not so lucky. I may not be able to sleep tonight. I thank da lawd he didn't do a story on his 'roids. Whats the grossest thing you've seen on TV?
- Everywhere I look today, its: Justin and Cameron are engaged. Who gives a shit. These two idiots deserve each other.
May The Hype Be With You
Let the Buzz Begin. I usually avoid Pre-Star Wars movie hype like the plague. In the past its ruined the suspense when the movie finally does come out. Despite that, this is just cool. Vanity Fair has a fold-out cover shot of all the major Star Wars players. To add to the hype, there's even a guy whose already in line for the next movie, even though its 5 months away! He doesn't even know if its going to be at the theater outside which he has planted himself. Now there's talk that Mark Hamill and Kevin Smith are teaming up to do a Star Wars TV show. Call me crazy, call me a nerd, but thats fucking cool. I remember as a young Chas, my dad took me to see Star Wars at a Drive-Inn. Maybe I'll be able to do that with my kid one day.
This month will begin the last season of The Osbournes. I'm kinda glad, its time to give them to rest. I love Ozzy, I love his music, and I love his pre-Reality Show persona. Overnight, he went from the Prince of Fuckin' Darkness, the elder-statesman of Metal to America's Favorite Daddy Doofus. Sure, he made a buttload of money, he's now an even bigger star than before, and his TV show was a hit, and his family members are now household names.... But look what the poor bastard gave up: He lost his privacy, he relapsed into drug use, his ole lady got cancer, and two of his kids went to rehab. Godspeed Osbournes, Godspeed.
And in a shameful ploy for hits, I'm mentioning Ashlee Simpson. This broad gets creepier all the time. First her father had a "Virginity Ceremony" with Jessica Simpson, now Ashlee reveals the Sisters Simpson can each burp the alphabet. Nice. No wonder your no-singin' ass has acid reflux! But she's got talent. Jeez. I hear they can queef the Star Spangled Banner too. In case you missed her getting booed at the Orange Bowl, this guy posted a video clip of it. There's also more hot pictures of Jessica as Daisy Duke in the new Dukes Of Hazzard flick.
And this really taps my nuts... After all the bantering about how digital music downloads are ruining the music busines... CD SALES ACTUALLY WENT UP! Atlanta hometown heroes Usher, Lil Jon and OutKast had record-breaking years. It just goes to show you, the market will straighten itself out. Give people what they want! So to all those RIAA punk ass bitches out there who are suing little old ladies and children and broke college students: eat a dick.
Thursday, January 06, 2005
Fish, Chips and Mushy Peas
Onesome: Fish- Do you have a favorite outdoor hobby or are you a strictly stay at home type? Sheeit, I'm a lazy ass stay at home type.
Twosome: Chips- Do you gamble? Lotto, weekly poker night or weekends in Vegas? I don't gamble, I like my money too much. I don't play lotto because I have such a small chance of winning, my money would just go into some other asswipe's pocket. So screw him! I don't play poker like all these trendy people. I play blackjack online every once in a while, but I don't lose any money that way!
Threesome: and mushy peas- What's the strangest thing you've ever eaten?
No complaints so far. :)
Twosome: Chips- Do you gamble? Lotto, weekly poker night or weekends in Vegas? I don't gamble, I like my money too much. I don't play lotto because I have such a small chance of winning, my money would just go into some other asswipe's pocket. So screw him! I don't play poker like all these trendy people. I play blackjack online every once in a while, but I don't lose any money that way!
Threesome: and mushy peas- What's the strangest thing you've ever eaten?
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