Onanii

A number of quick thoughts today:

• I get a mini-vacation tomorrow. Time to let the relatives fawn all over the baby.
  
• Happy Diddling Day!
  
• Jude Law in trouble for doing it with his hot Nanny. Ya know why? Cuz he can. He's Jude Law. I always thought he was half-a-fag. Guess I was wrong.
  
• Colin Farrell pissed cuz his Playboy Playmate Girlfriend wanted to sell the sex tape they made. If you were a pretty boy like Farrell, and had a playmate girlfriend, wouldn't you be showing that shit to all your friends? Him and Jude Law are pretty boy fruits who need some bad press.
  
• Telemarketers want loopholes in the 'Do Not Call' list. Screw them. Telemarketers are a cunthair higher on the food chain than child pornographers. I don't understand how these fuckers can get up and look at themselves in the mirror.
  
• The government slams spammers who send porno emails. Good. Spammers are a cunthair higher on the food chain than Telemarketers.
  
• The video game GTA: San Andreas pulled off the shelf because it has a sexually explicit scene. Imagine that. Now Best Buy and several other stores are taking it off the shelf. But yet they keep thousands of other movies with much worse. What do parents think the video game is about? Its about doing crime and stuff. Attention Parents: do your fucking job, monitor what your kids are doing, and quit ruining it for the rest of us.
  
  

The Aristocrats, Part Deaux

A few weeks ago, I ran across a funny South Park clip and posted a link to it. It was Cartman telling the most disgusting joke ever... and I mean EVER. Apparently the jokes been around for years, and has been evolving, and has taken on a life of its own. In fact now, they're making a movie about it called, what else, The Aristocrats. Its got the top comedians telling the joke and talking about it. The movie probably won't get played anywhere around here, but when it comes on video, I'm sho nuff gonna rent it.

Saturday Night's alright for fighting.

1. how many languages do you speak? Dos, Inglés y Español


2. do/did your parents speak more than one language? Nope, just english.

3. i live in florida, and we have many spanish-only signs/billboards, and it is beneficial to learn spanish. would you learn another language if there was a strong minority presence in your community? Thats partially why I learned Spanish. I lived 8 miles from the Mexican border in McAllen, TX. at least 90% of the population is hispanic. Therefore, you learn spanish or you get talked about and made fun of, right in front of your face. I was working at my Dad's restaurant, and the salad bar ladies did that to me all the time. I let it go, and just gave them the evil eye (good in any language). Meanwhile I was taking Spanish in college, and being that close to Mexico, I was immersed in it, so I picked it up quick. One day, I heard them talking about me, I understood what they were saying, and I just joined in on the conversation. The look on their faces was priceless.

Here in Atlanta, there are sooo many different cultures, that a second language is always helpful. There are schools where 100+ languages are spoken as either a student's first or second language. Despite that, hispanics are the dominant minority, so Spanish is definatley helpful here.

4. many state, federal and local legal forms are available in other languages. my children's school forms are always presented in english, spanish, and haitian creole, and it makes for a lot of money spent on printing for my daughter's school district. do you think that these should ONLY be an english? It depends on the community in which the school is. In your area, those 3 languages are most helpful. In New Haven, Connecticut, it may be OK to just print stuff in english. There are some who will say, "They've come to our country, they should learn our language." Well, english is not, nor will it ever be the "official" language of the United States. And there are many many people who were born here in the U.S. and are just as American as anyone else, but they don't speak english because their parents are immigrants. And what about the people who become citizens, they sometimes don't speak very much english, why should they have to miss out on something.

5. due to the U.S.' being so removed from other languages (as opposed to western europe), we are mainly monolingual (speaking only one language). do you think that there should be a push for americans becoming more multi-lingual, or are we o.k. with knowing just one language? Not until its a hindrance to only speak one language. And that won't happen for many many years.

6. a big controversy has been with 'ebonics,' a term for 'black english.' some people think it's a language, others think it's a dialect of english. ultimately, people who speak 'black english' are usually discriminated against in getting jobs and also housing. do you think that black americans should conform and speak 'standard american english' to get better jobs and housing? why or why not? Ebonics is a word that someone created. Its not a language, or a dialect. Yes, in this country, a dialect in addition to your skin color will get you discriminated against. But you can't change your skin color. You can change how you talk. Unlike those who speak with an hispanic accent, ebonics is an indication of your intelligence. You know the right way to speak, but you choose not to, whether by laziness or societal pressure. How many college professors do you know speak ebonics? How many Rhodes scolars speak in ebonics?

7. i love french ... i speak it, i read it, i watch a huge amount of french cinema. it's very expressive and melodic. what's your favourite language - either to speak, or to listen to? why? Italian, because it reminds me of my relatives and gangstas.

8. i hate listening to german and arabic - i love the people, BUT i find german sounds halting and gutteral, and arabic is so 'throaty' that it just doesn't seem feminine to me. what language do you dislike listening to OR speaking? I agree with those two. When I hear German, I either picture Hitler barking order to the Nazis, or Siegfried and Roy or Mike Myers "Dieter" character. I know those are terrible stereotypes, but I'm a terrible person and thats what the german language sounds like to me. As for Arabic, whenever I hear it I think of terrorists or the guy who runs the Kwik-E-Mart. I expect them to end the conversation with, "Sank you, come again."
What are your thoughts? Hit the comments and release your inner Siegfried and Roy.

Cool Helpful Astounding Sarcasm

I have the weekend off for the first time in forever. Its nice not having to get up for work in the middle of the night! Thanks WSB! jeez. As I listen to Abby coo in the other room, I figure I would spew my wisDUMB upon youz. Enjoy! Remember, you guys get the Employee Discount. You pay what we pay for this web page!

1. What is the last thing you either camped out or got up unusually early to be able to buy? like those kids did with the Harry Potter books? sheeeit not me, man. Not even for concert tickets. I get my Prince tickets a day ahead of time, and its via the net. I did wait in line once for like 3 hours to buy Prince tickets, but that was only because they weren't on sale on the internet (The Tabernacle hadn't come that far at that time). But there's no event I'd camp out for. Case in point: the idiots who waited months in line to see Star Wars... It's the EXACT same movie I saw 10 hours later than the superfans... except I bought my tickets online, and I just walked my happy ass into the theater, sat down and watched. No Fuss No Muss. I understand part of it is the community aspect. Camping out for college football playoff tickets would probably be a blast, but it would be more for the experience than the tickets.

2. If you had to give up one of the following for a full year, which would be the easiest to do without? Which would be the most difficult to give up?
a) Your personal vehicle Most difficult. A car is not a luxury, its a means to get to work to make a living. Plus I would hate to have to bum rides all the time. I always feel like a douchebag when I have to do that. Unless I lived close to a marta station or something, I'd find a way to have a ride to work.
b) Your Telephone (both cellular and land line) Easily given up. Nobody calls me. My cell phone is a toy mostly.
c) The Internet A few years ago, I would've said this would be the hardest thing to give up. At one point a former girlfriend called my computer, "The Other Woman." But I know much better now. I now only play online when I'm bored, and I just check my email. There are so many more important things in life. That being said, I if I do have internet, Its gonna be high-speed. I just can't do dial-up. Its cable or nothing. Also, I couldn't give up the internet at work, its become a valuable tool for newsgathering.
d) Meat (all of it: Beef, Poultry, Pork and Seafood) Semi-hard to give up. I'm one of those people who think a meal has to have a meat for it to be a real meal. But I could live without it if I had to.
e) Television
Same as the internet, useful at work, but I know I could live without it when I'm not at work. I pay for the badass cable package that has every movie channel for every niche (like that Black Lesbian Southern Movie Channel), but I don't hardly watch it at all. So I'm sure I could live without it.

4. What is the first source you go to for news of any kind when you wake up? How much do you trust that particular source? The AJC and Drudge when I'm online. CNN if I'm watching TV. I trust ajc & cnn. Drudge I definately take with a grain of salt. I don't trust Fox news for shit. Blatant right-wing bias.

5. Take the Quiz: What do the letters of your name stand for?

C	Cool
H	Helpful
A	Astounding
S	Sensitive

Name:

6. What is your favorite color and why? If you have a journal or journals, is this color the primary one on those journals? If not, why not?" Black & White, cuz I'm colorblind. Yes, the color theme here is black & white.

Your turn, put your name in that name acronym thingie and tell me what it says. Answer the questions. Release your inner P.A.G.A.N. (People Against Goodness and Normalcy. Name the movie its from! Can't huh?)

Proper Modulation

As you know, its been a while since I've posted. Between work, baby & house, I have no time to do shit. I work shitty hours... I'm always tired. Just like Jack Nicholson... somethings gotta give.

So for those of you who want to read on... here's more shiznit:
The Pope Hates Harry Potter: But yet he has no problem with priests molesting kids. Kids weren't reading anything... and they sure as hell weren't standing in line to buy books before Harry Potter came along. Anything that gets kids reading and not sitting on their ass in front of the TV or computer (like I'm doing now) has to be good. "God's Enforcer" should focus his attention on more important things than kids reading.

Brad Pitt Has Viral Meningitis. Tough shit. Welcome to the real world.
TomKat: Why can't these two get viral meningitis? I can't wait until the beard falls off and he's exposed for the fraud he is.

Mariah Carey Blames 9/11 for the failure of her movie 'Glitter.' Uhh sure... The shitty acting and stupid story had nothing to do with it. Here's an indication of your tanking movie and singing career... Your tits flew out in the middle of a concert... and nobody cared.

Thats it for now. Check out the pics in the flickr.

Abby & Elmo