Monday Madness

1. What time is it right now? 9:30 am
2. What are you usually doing at this time on any given day? The same things I'm doing today. Sitting at the computer, listening to Stern, wasting my day away.
3. Is there a day of the week that time seems to fly by faster than the other days? They all seem to drag on.
4. If you could make ONE hour of each day twice as long, which hour of the day would you choose? Guess. :)
5. If you could make one DAY of the week twice as long, which day would you choose? Friday, people just seem to have a different vibe right before the weekend.
6. If you could make one hour and/or one day HALF as long, which time of the day, and which day of the week would you choose? When I'm taking a shit. It brings my productivity down.
7. Do you agree with the following statement? "The older you get, the faster time goes by." Nope.
8. What do you usually do during your "down time?" Sit here in front of the computer.
9. What one thing do you spend more time doing each day than anything else? eating.

Cast Off

Dolphin
How beautiful do the words have to be
Before they conquer every heart?
How will you know if I'm even in the right key
If you make me stop before I start?

If I came back as a dolphin
Would you listen to me then?
Would you let me be your friend?
Would you let me in?
you can cut off all my fins
But to your ways I will not bend
I'll die before I let you tell me how to swim
And I'll come back again as a dolphin

Why does my brother have to go hungry
When you told him there was food for all?
This is the man that stands next to the man
That stands to catch you when you fall

HOW DO YOU SLEEP?

Mr. Jacko Head!

Look at My Mr. Jacko Head. I tried to make him look as normal as I could, but some things are just impossible. I think the dangling baby in his hand is a nice touch. Now your turn, make your own Mr. Jacko Head! 

Evening Edition

• Its late, you're drunk, you're on the way home... you turn the corner and who do you see? BATMAN. How the hell do you explain to the insurance company that you were drunk driving and crashed into THE BATMOBILE? I'm sure the guy was thinking, "What the hell did they put in my beer???"
  
• Get it straight, Marcia from Desperate Housewives... not a lesbian. Patty Bouvier from The Simpsons... lesbian.
  
• This pisses me off:
  I'm not the number one Bush supporter in the world. I may not respect him as a person, but I respect the office. The Belgians are selling Bush urinal targets. My feeling is, nobody messes with our President but us. These Belgians have done nothing to make the world a better place. What has their contribution been? Waffles? Sprouts? Dr. Evil? These douchebags and the French can defend themselves the next time someone bends them over and has their way with them.
  
  
• Fred Powers: International Buffoon Of Mystery. We saw him on TV last night for 3 minutes being chased around by a Police Drill Sergeant at the Police Academy, yelling at him. No type of context, no type of journalistic merit. His actual piece was interesting, it was about Police recruits' final night of training. But after the piece ran, out came the screaming and guns. Yes, it was good TV, but was it news? What did we accomplish by seeing him run around shooting a paintball gun? It was funny, thats about it.

  Meanwhile, I interviewed a civil rights legend, Rep. John Lewis and the new face of the democratic party, Senator Barak Obama. Neither of which made it to air beyond a 20 second story. These are men who have an unbelievable burden thrust upon them. Imagine having the hopes and dreams of not only a political party, but also a race on your shoulders. Lewis marched with MLK, was beaten by police while marching for black voting rights in the '60s. He did it to bring a bright future for people like Obama, who is the only black Senator. While shooting the story, I saw the titans of the civil rights struggle file in past me at Rep. Lewis' Birthday Ceremony... I guess if they had a drill sergeant chasing them with a paintball gun, it would've gotten more than 20 seconds of air time. They face unbelievable challenges, and have a compelling story. But we didn't have time to tell it, because Fred Powers needed time to run around getting shot with paintballs and get yelled at.

Assignment Desk Quote Of The Day

"Paris Hilton would be a good kidnapping target."

Since the hackers got into her sidekick, how much harder would it be to snatch her. I did gain a little more respect for "Idiot Savant-utante" when I saw the hot pics of her making out with some other broad on her PDA.

They Remembered! It was nice to get a birthday message from Howard Stern's Vagina Corner. 

Assignment Desk Quote Of The Day

"Dude, I'd move to Rio de Janeiro in a minute... I love the music."

I Rue The Day

Aging Celebs

Hey Teens!
Its been a while since I've posted, because I've been busier than a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest.
My moment of Zen today was walking in the Green Room, and Cybill Shepherd telling me, "I'm about to go on live TV, and I've got camel toe."
I brought her to the station to do an interview on Irritable Bowel Syndrome. She's shilling some new drug for it.
My experience with this aging model, way past her prime:
She's scheduled to come in for 10:30... She shows up at 10 so they can put on her make-up and get past "security" (the receptionist). So when I walk in at 10:05, and everyone's looking at me saying, "YOUR GIRLFRIEND'S IN THE GREEN ROOM, WHERE'VE YOU BEEN?" I sigh, "Its gonna be one of those days."
I go in to say hi, and she orders me to come back at 10:30. Great.
When I return, she looks at me and says, "I'm about to go on TV, and I've got camel toe." Time stood still as I pondered that statement. Her hangers-on, looking equally mortified, said nothing. Should I offer to pull it out? Should I leave? Should I look? I said, "Um, Let me know when you're ready."
We go to the studio. Then she starts in on the lighting. "There's a shadow on my nose," "Can you move that light? (the one thats bolted to the ceiling)". I give the hangers-on the stink-eye. They understand and tell her, "You look faaaaabulous."
Then she starts on the camera shots. "Shoot me from the T's up" Thats Cybill-speak for Tits and above. Apparently she doesn't want anyone to see that she's let herself go. I have no room to talk, but then again, I'm not on the TV or trying to pass myself off as a model. So we shoot her tight. She wants it tighter. The camera guy looks at me and says "She's insane." I turn and give her people the stink-eye again. They placate her again.
She does her spiel about the fucking shit medicine. Five minutes later she's done. All that agita for five fucking minutes. Walking out, I ask her to autograph the CD that her PR people sent me. She then gets pissed at me for not having a copy out on the set for her to promote. This bitch recorded the damn thing, you'd think she could remember it. Just Maybe? Hello?
While walking out of the studio, I mention to her that we share the same birthday. She goes off on a rant about her being on the cusp of pisces. I'm thinking that a perfect birthday gift would be to her leave really fast.
She did. I returned to the newsroom, where I got teased for bringing such a freak to the station.
Now in contrast, I met sexy TV letter-turner Vanna White on Sunday. She was kind, polite, and a class act. She answered every question with a smile, she spoke in soundbites, she held up the paper for the white balance, she even put on her own microphone. We seemed very genuine. Coincidentally, she and I share a birthday as well. How random is it that I meet two celebs that have the same birthday as me, during the week of my birthday?
In other news, I turn to The Drudge Report for news, but he's pissed me off. Earlier this week, he ran a story about how the Oscar people are worried because Chris Rock made some comments about the Oscars. Drudge claims that the Oscar people are re-thinking their decision to have Chris Rock host the snoozefest. Surely they heard his act and surely they know what type of comedian he is. If Matt Drudge think that the producers of the Oscars just randomly picked a comedian to host, he's on crack. The awards shows are pompous and useless, no straight black men watch the oscars, and people giving awards for a subjective thing like art is ludicrous. These are true. Chris Rock said those things in a stand up act. Its entertainment. Does Drudge really thing Chris is doing phone surveys to the African-American community due to his hatred of the awards shows?

Anywayz, Tuesday Is Choose Day, Would you rather:

• eat nothing but food from the ocean for the rest of your life OR nothing but food from cans for the rest of your life? Food from the sea easily. I'm all about the seafood. Tonight I ate at the best seafood restaurant in the ATL, Six Feet Under. Fried Erstaz, Fried Scrimpz and a piece of cod. It was the best thing outside of New Orleans.
  
• x-ray vision OR super hearing? X-Ray Vision. Every day would be a trip to the nude beach.
  
• one wish granted today OR three wishes granted ten years from now? What if I wished for two more wishes with my one with today? I would wait for the 10 years, cuz that would give me time to think about three really cool wishes.
  
• have a threesome with dr. ruth and brad pitt OR jennifer garner and maury povich? Jennifer Garner. Maury ain't gotten wood since he was on A Current Affair, so he wouldn't be in the way.

What do you think? Hit comments and release your inner Maddie Hayes.

I can live it up gangsta style

Kip Dynamite

Which Napoleon Dynamite character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Thursday Thoughts

Nothing is certain but death and taxes --Benjamin Franklin

Onesome: Nothing is certain- Have you ever thought you had "Sure Thing?" Did it pay off or not? I always like the sure thing. There's really no such thing as a sure thing. Sometimes you get lucky, just be happy with it. Sometimes you eat the bear, sometimes the bear eats you. I work in live TV, so there ain't no sure things.

Twosome: But death- Do you believe in life after death? I would like to think so. If so, I better bring some sunscreen and banana boat.

Threesome: and taxes- Have you got all your tax documents squared away and ready to work on? Or are you one of the people at the post office on April 15th? I've already done them and pretty much spent the money already. :)

1. What were the last 3 fun things you've done with friends/coworkers/etc.? a. Went to a chic-chic Jezebel Party and laughed at the clowns and whores. b. the ultrasounds c. bought a house d. chased Zoë around the house

2. What did you do/Where did you go on your last 3 vacations? Savannah, Florida, and New Orleans.

3. Name off your top 3 most memorable moments, even if it's laughing at someone falling on their butt. a. Audobon Road (Bino will be happy to tell that story!) b. Jose at Macaroni Grill c. I can't name just 3... life is made up of memorable moments.

I love rap music

TV Themes

Whats your favorite TV Theme song? These guys are listing the top 100. Hit comments and list your favorites.

bid on this

Which Website are You?

I love surprise endings

I've had the shittiest day ever. But this turned things around.

Tuesday is Choose Day

Would you rather:

1. uncontrolably burp loudly while meeting the queen of england OR fart silently, but deadly, while meeting the pope? Cut a fart with the Pope. I could just blame it on him.
   
2. punch a stranger in the face OR kick your mother in the shin? Punch the stranger. You don't know him, and if he swings back, you can punch him again.
   
3. have a reputation for sleeping around OR a reputation for being a hermit? What about sleeping around with a hermit? Hmmmm Sleeping around.
   
4. live where the temperature never goes below 80°F (26°C) OR where it never goes above 60°F (15°C)? Without a doubt, where the temperature never gets below 80! I hate the cold.

Under the weather...
1. What is worse: having the flu or getting your wisdom teeth pulled? I've never had my wisdom teeth pulled, but I've had the flu. I can live with the flu, and it'll eventually go away. The wisdom teeth thing sounds painful, but that pain eventually goes away. I'd say the teeth sounds more painful.
2. What are two "comfort" foods you want when you are sick/ill? None in particular, just having your stomach full is good enough.
3. When sick, do you need somebody to take care of you or you can take care of yourself? Myself.
4. When you start to feel ill, do you go straight to the medicine cabinet to pop pills or do you wait it out to see how bad it will get?
Pop a pill. I go through so many pills. Pain relievers, stomach pills, and of course, sinus tablets.
5. What are two things you do to help prevent illness (vitamins, eat healthy, etc.)? Stay the hell away from sick people, and I occasionally take vitamins, when I remember..

The Super Bowl
1. How much of this year's Super Bowl did you watch? Do you watch any of the pre-game hype? I watched a little of it. None of the pre-game hype because I didn't really give a shit.

2. What was your favorite commercial during the Super Bowl? Least favorite? The GoDaddy.com wardrobe malfunction one! The rest were boring. Thanks again Janet.

3. Did you like the half-time show? It was OK. I love Paul McCartney, but it was so toned down and devoid of spectacle, that it came off kinda bland. I've seen Paul live and even live on video, and he's a much more dynamic performer, so I guess he's getting old and they told him not to play around.

4. What's your favorite food to eat while watching the Super Bowl? None in particular. I'm quite fond of eating cool ranch doritoes at any point in the day though.

~ BONUS ~ A lot has been made over the years about the post-Super Bowl slot to highlight or launch TV shows. It was the post-Super Bowl spot that brought us the A-Team and the Wonder Years. Do you stay up to watch the post-Super Bowl shows? What is the most memorable post-Super Bowl show you've seen? I can't remember that many of the post-Super bowl shows. I remember the 2nd season of 'Survivor' started after the 2001 Super Bowl. That was a big deal. I didn't watch it though. This year's post SB shows were OK. It was an OK episode of the Simpsons (which is funnier than 95% of whats on TV today!), and this new show called American Dad. It was bland like the rest of the Super Bowl.

You know you're a Prince fan if.....

If you know me personally, you know I'm a huge prince fan. I've seen him live 20 times... I've travelled to the desolate lands of Minneapolis to see him play for 7 nights in a row. Now the rest of the country knows I'm a Prince freak, thanks to USA Today. I was quoted in the cover story of Friday's Life Section. Its one of those things where you're not sure if you should be proud or ashamed. I'm proud of it, its cool to see your name in print. :) Screw you if you don't agree.

---

Jack Osbourne wants to be a fireman. If Fred Powers can barely make it through 3 minutes of training (and he's an in-shape gay guy), do you think Jack Osbourne can make it through? How many milliseconds do you think will elapse between Jack being told to charge into a burning building and him running home to the mansion? I admire anyone who tries to do something to help society, especially something dangerous like a firefighter. I just don't have a whole lot of faith in young Jack.

More of my worthless thoughts

1. What is your favorite restaurant to visit for breakfast and what do you order? Waffle House, I get the regular breakfast stuff, I only eat there late late at night.

2. Do you have any unique ability like those who appear on David Letterman's "Stupid Human Tricks?" If so, how did you learn you had this talent? There's no trick to being a stupid human.

3. There are plenty of sites on the internet for pen pals; some of them are specifically designed for communicating with people in prison. Have you ever or would you begin corresponding with a stranger who was in prison? Umm no, who the hell wants to talk to a prisoner?

4. Name two questions you have always wanted to ask a pair of identical twins. If they're the hot twins in the porn flicks, "Can I see yall make out?" and "Hey, what was Bob Saget like?"

5. If you looked back at your high school yearbook photos, what is more embarrassing? Your hair, your clothes, your glasses, or your complexion? Its embarrasing because I was a thousand pounds smaller... though I did have some big 80's glasses when I was a sophomore.

6. If you had to change the color of one of the following, which would you change and why: the walls in your living room, your car, or your eyes. None of them. I like all those colors. white living room, black car, and green eyes.

Je te suis, tu me fuis, je te fuis, tu me suis

Go Daddy.

This is quite simply the best Super Bowl commercial that never aired. I watched some of the game, and just as was predicted, the commercials sucked. They were basically the same commericials you'd see any other day of the week, or any other football game. The game itself wasn't really that exciting either. Who cares. I didn't have any money on it or anything.

Wanna make your next dinner party super memorable?

Try some Pornographic Pastries. Who thinks of this stuff?

Somebody Got It Right

Somebody got it right about our "year of living indecently." I hope there's some kind of bombshell dropped on this year's Super Bowl. Fuck Michael Powell.

Friday Feast

In the mood for a real challenge? Try the world's smallest Pac-Man Game.

I love swag. You can call it payola, freebies, whatever, I like getting it. I get quite a bit of free shit. I have a ton of coffee cups on my desk, yet I don't drink coffee. I've gotten tickets to more movies and concerts than I can attend. And I've even gotten an expensive home appliance, because the lady demonstrating it was too lazy to put it back in the box. "Just keep it." Thanks. The reasoning is, a PR firm gives you free stuff you'll give them free exposure. Sometimes yes, sometimes no. Today I got a big box of free shit. Among the highlights, an advance copy of "The Notebook" on DVD, and a big cookie on a stick. Not bad. Good for re-gifting if you're so inclined. So I give thanks to the PR Flacks around the world. They make a shitty job worth doing.

---

Appetizer - If you were a dog, what breed would you be, and why? A Mutt. I'd like to be a little of everything.
Soup - What does the color purple make you think of? heheheh What do you think? :)
Salad - Approximately how long does it take you to get ready each morning? 30 Minutes.
Main Course - How many cousins do you have, and are you close to them? I have 11 first cousins, and I'm not sure how many 2nd cousins. I'm close to my two little cousins, because I'm close to my uncle their Dad.
Dessert - Take your initials (first, middle, last) and come up with something else those letters could stand for. Chinks Gone Wild.

Say Hello To My Li'l Friend

Dick Cheney Kicks It Lil Havana style. This is a perfect example of simple technology made greater by creativity.

Britney's a bad influence

"Sleep with me, I'm not too young."

What is your favorite style of music (and/or your favorite song) to listen to while relaxing or drifting off to sleep? How about silence?

Would you rather:
1. be abducted by aliens OR be abducted by the government?By the aliens. Cuz if nothing else, you'd see aliens while you're getting anally probed
2. be a united states senator OR a mafia kingpin?Mafia Kingpin, no doubt. They really don't do a whole lot of work, mostly just make decisions, eat a lot, wear pinky rings, and shoot people.
3. only wear lime green clothes OR wear any color you want but only with combat boots?With the combat boots. Cuz you could cover them. stupid questions
4. be mistaken as someone who did a hit-and-run accident OR a kidnapper?Thats a hard one. If I had to choose, it would be kidnapper, cuz you could kidnap someone and release them without hurting them.

1. Are you more likely to rent or buy DVD's (VHS's)? Why? Buy DVDs. I like to watch them more than once. But it depends on the movie.
2. If you rent DVD's, do you bother viewing the 'Behind the Scenes' or watching the entire movie again with commentary on? Aw hell yeah. I love all that stuff. I've learned more about movie-making from the commentaries than any of my film classes in college.
3. Do you think these features warrant the extra cost for DVD? (Afterall, we were able to buy new release VHS for $9.99 prior to DVD). DVD prices are dropping, and you can get a DVD for $9.99, and the prices are equal to what VHS tapes used to be. Its a perfect example of the market place dictating the direction the industry should go. Laser Discs were superior products to DVDs, but nobody wanted them. Beta tapes were way superior to VHS tapes, but nobody bought them. In fact, some TV stations still use digital beta tapes to shoot stories on.
4. What's your favorite DVD (or VHS) in:

• Drama Can't think of any right now.


• Comedy Austin Powers 1-3, Vacation, Spinal Tap, Anchorman... they all have a good amount of extras.


• Action Die Hard is the only one I can think of.


• Suspense/Thriller Silence Of The Lambs (+the sequels)


• Horror I don't like Horror flicks, they're usually corny.

How Your Attitude Ranks

Your Attitude is Better than 50% of the Population If you scored... 80-100: You've got a winner attitude. You're always optimistic and cheery. Your personality will get you far in life. 60-79: You have a good attitude. While a realist, you do see the positive side of most things. People love to be around you. 40 - 59: You have a positive attitude... somtimes. You prefer to see the world through clear glasses, not rose colored ones. 20 - 39: You have an average attitude. You take the good and bad in life as they come. Though sometimes you could use a little more good. 0-19: You have a negative attitude. You tend to see the dark side of every situation. Free ice cream? No thanks, it will just make you fat!

How's Your Attitude?

cheap thrills

How can something so simple be so much fun?