Bells will be ringing...

What Christmas means to me...

"Rhymes so loud and proud you hear it, it's Christmas time, and we got the spirit. The time is now, the place is here to say Merry Christmas and Happy New Year."


"The silent majesty of a winter's morn, the clean, cool chill of the holiday air . . . an asshole in his bathrobe, emptying a chemical toilet into my sewer."


Remember... It's OK to say Merry Christmas.
Hit "comments" and release your inner Clark Griswold.

Brothas gonna work it out

1. what was your worst job? why? You tend to forget the bad times at your past jobs, but right now, its WSB. Its amazing you can work at the #1 station in the market, and one of the strongest stations in the country, and still hate it. I guess they got to number one by treating people like numbers. Just a warm body to fill a spot. I have so much resentment and bad feelings built up from my time there. I also had shit jobs like KFC and Golden Corral, but you take those at face value... a high school/college job, not really your career.

2. what was your best job? why? CNN. Every-fucking-thing. My co-workers are great, the money's good, the benefits are phenomenal. I always give thanks to uncle Ted.

3. are you looking for a new job now? Nope, and I pray I won't ever have to again. I've been in that desperate situation before. Too qualified for some jobs in your field, and underqualified for the better ones.

4. when did you get the job you have now? if you're unemployed, how long have you been without a job? I've been here about 2 years.

5. have you ever been fired from a job? what happened? Just once. My "business relationship" with a certain bottom-dwelling station ended because the piece of shit station couldn't afford to keep a morning show afloat, so they laid off everyone involved with it, plus a few others. Now, their ratings have never been lower! Good for them. In the words of John Lennon, "Time wounds all heels."

6. have you ever had a horrible, back-stabbing colleague? Hello? I work in TV.

7. have you heard of or ever been involved in a an office scandal at your work? Nope, why put a target on your back. Keep your nose clean, and do your job and go home. Keep your personal shit out of work. If we're friends outside of work, let me help you with your problems, but if we just happen to work at the same place... keep yo shit to yo sef.

8. what's your dream job? Producing at ET, extra or one of those cheezy entertainment shows.

1. Considering your political views now versus seven years ago, do you think they have changed or remained the same? Yeah. Pre-9/11 I had a small interest in politics, mainly because of my job. Post-9/11, there are Americans dying, here and abroad, and that changed things for me. After the Iraq War started my view of the President changed altogether. When 9/11 happened, and the president said "go travel, help the economy," I took a trip. I looked to him as a leader. He betrayed me and all those who died that day.

2. Should a president be allowed to run for a third term? Not a consecutive one. If they're so good, they could sit out one term, then run again.

3. Do you think a president would be able to accomplish more if he could only be elected to a single term?
Nope. Besides the war, the president doesn't stay one one item that long anyway. What happened to the failing social security system? Is it back to being OK now? What about that big wall that was going to keep all the Messikans out? To me that's evidence that the issues are just notches on an agenda. To hell with the lives that are affected.

4. Take the quiz: Which political group most agrees with you? Well, I knew that I'm closest to the Libertarians because their approach to government is the same that your mama taught you as a kid: "Do what you want, just don't hit your sister." In all fairness, that quiz is hosted on a Libertarian website, so I assume most of those 8 questions will point you in that direction. I do agree with them that both Republicans and Democrats are fundamentally flawed, and neither has the answer to everything. And just from my own discussions with people, I believe the majority of Americans are fiscally conservative and socially moderate. Issues like gay marriage, evolution and flag burning are good for nothing but polarizing people. They're just more fodder for Rush and O'Reilly to call people hippies or for the liberals to call someone a religious zealot.

5. Can you imagine ever running for office? With the plethora of skeletons in my closet? Sheeeit. Seriously, I could never run for office because the main job of a politician is to hold out his hand and ask for money *before* they do a job that they can't guarantee they'll get done. Imagine walking into a McDonalds and giving them $5 for your Extra Value Meal and the pimply-faced teen replying, "I'll try my best to get that for you. No guarantee you'll get it. If you don't get it, blame those fuckers in the back, not me."

6. Let’s suppose that you were a candidate, and that you found some real dirt that no one else knew about your opponent. If that candidate started a negative campaign against you, how tempted would you be to use that information? Depends on the opponent. I'd pull him aside and let him know I have the info. Then he would have to a)acknowledge it publicly himself, trying to control the spin or b)tone down his negative campaigning or c)be a punk bitch and feel my wrath.

"Drink wine... This is life eternal... This is all that youth will give you... It is the season for wine, roses and drunken friends... Be happy for this moment... This moment is your life."

Prince hates other people's kids too!

Not only does Prince hate my kid, he hates 230,000 other people's kids as well. A mother got the same email I did accusing her of violating Prince's copyright by playing it in the background while her toddler dances. Of course she was smart enough to sue. I just bitched about it on my stupid blog. I ought to get in on the suit and try and recoup some of the thousands of dollars I have spent over the years on cds, albums, 12" singles, concert tickets, and whatever other music the dude put out. I have been buying the guy's music since I was 12 years old. I wonder if he'll sue me over my groom's cake:

Next time I'll play Ready For the World when I want to shoot video of my little girl. What do you think? Hit comments and release your inner Morris Day.
p.s. more wedding pics.

First Pics From The Wedding 9-30-07

Abby Getting Ready:


I am truly blessed. Look at my beautiful wife and daughter. I don't know what I did to deserve such wonderful women in my life.

The wedding was wonderful, the weather that day was perfect, I got to spend time with my dear friends and family... and ate some amazing food.

All I can say is.. ya shoulda been there!

Say Anything

1. How different is your speech pattern among your friends versus a stranger you’d meet on the street? Very, though I don't talk much, I speak in 3 word sentences to strangers. It makes them wonder about you.

2. How often do you get asked where you’re from based on your accent? Rarely, every once in a while I will say something like a "YAT" from New Orleans. I don't really have much of an accent, of course everyone says that!

3. What word or phrase said by newscasters is your biggest pet peeve? I write news for a living, so when I hear bad writing or an anchor use a cliche, its like fingernails across a chalkboard. The first two that come to mind is hearing "completely destroyed." That is wrong. It is either destroyed or it ain't. The other is "behind bars." Just say the fucking guy is in jail. I got about a million more, but I can't think of any more right now. Hit comments and add your own.

4. Take the quiz: How good at grammar are you? I write for a living, though you wouldn't know it from the ebonics mixed with bullshit I spew here!

You Scored an A

You got 10/10 questions correct. It's pretty obvious that you don't make basic grammatical errors. If anything, you're annoyed when people make simple mistakes on their blogs. As far as people with bad grammar go, you know they're only human. And it's humanity and its current condition that truly disturb you sometimes.

The It's Its There Their They're Quiz

5. How often do you look up a word in a dictionary, either online or print? Every while in a once, not a lot. Most programs I use have a spell checker on it, and i'm a decent speller.

6. How many books or guides on grammar do you currently own? Maybe 2.

Turn your head and cough.

when was the last time you...

1. went to the doctor? why did you have to go? My seasonal visit for a sinus infection. Between Atlanta's crappy air and the germs Abby brings home from day care I'm surprised I don't go more than 4 times a year!

2. had surgery? for what? can't say

3. visited someone in the hospital? who was it? Around September of 2005, Abby was 3 months old and had a UTI. She, of course, couldn't tell us that so she had to go through a shitload of tests at Children's Hospital of Atlanta. The doctor was so worried that she called an Ambulance to bring us there. Imagine driving 40 miles in the back of an Ambulance with your 3-month old child that is sick for an unknown reason. If I can think of the worst moment in my life... that was it.

4. took a prescription medication? for what? the aforementioned sinus infection.

5. injured any part of your body? what were you doing? I fractured my coccyx. I fell down the stairs at my house. The stairs that I walk up and down 50 times a day. There's no ass cast, so I just had to endure the pain.

6. ate something that gave you food poisoning? what was it? Not that I know of...

7. had a cold/allergies? I never had allergies until I came to Atlanta.

8. did NOT heed a doctor's advice? what did you ignore/do differently? "Go on a diet and exercise."

Lazy Saturday

Happy Weekend, my nubian brothers and sisters,
I've been working non-stop for the last month. and before that it was 6-day weeks. This weekend I'm getting Sunday and Monday off. What a concept. It caps off what has been a shitty week. Right now, I'm physically at work, and that's about it. The Little League college world series is on, and I'm more interested in that than work. This, despite the fact that I like neither baseball nor little league sports. So without further ado, here are those things y'all keep asking for.

1. What is the most unlucky thing that has happened to you all week? I asked a bank for money.

2. Do bad things happen more often to good people or bad people? Bad things happen to bad people. While what makes them bad is always subject to argument, everything happens for a reason. That's not to say bad things don't always happen to good people, just not as often, and we pay more attention to it. And often times we think the people are good and righteous, then it comes out that they did bad stuff to deserve their fate. That's right, I'm looking at you Mr. Vick.

3. How much do you believe that you can improve your outlook in life (from a “fate” perspective) by doing good deeds and correcting past wrongs? Your outlook on life has very little to do with your past deeds. This is a stupid question. I believe you can have the appearance of righting past wrongs, but they're there no matter what. What if OJ cured cancer? What if Hitler brokered peace in the middle east?

4. Take the quiz: What will happen to you in the future? This quiz is as stupid as the last question, I won't even acknowledge it.

5. Do you believe in fate, coincidence, or both? Both. They happen independently of each other. You can change your fate, but coincidences happen without anyone doing anything to cause them. If me and some crackhead whore both bought a pack of Big Red gum at the same Citgo station in lovely Southwest Atlanta at the same time, its a coincidence. If I were to beat her up and steal that aforementioned Big Red pack, it would be her fate not to have that gum. Not that I advocate beating women, or selling crack, or prostitution, or even chewing gum. I'm just saying... you can change fate, not a coincidence.

6. Overall, when “bad things” happen, how often do you believe the victim generally “had it coming?” Most of the time.

Just remember... there are two kinds of people in the world... and you're one of them.

1. Quiet evening at home or Out on the town?: Home, its closer to the bed and TV.
2. Watch a movie or Reading a good book?: Is Hemingway dead?
3. Order a meal or Cooking one yourself?: Order it... I can't make special sauce or french fries... And I don't have a Henny Penny to make KFC Original Recipe Chicken.
4. Going for a walk or Taking a ride in the car?: The car. Walking is soooo last year.

1. You are driving down a lonely road at night when in front of you, you see __________?: Don Rickles

2. You stop the car and get out to __________?: Insult him.

3. In the background you hear __________?: The Godfather theme

4. You return to your car and __________?: Eat the Cannolis.

Prince hates my kid.

In the previous post, I put up, via youtube, a cute little video of me and Abby singing about 15 seconds of Little Red Corvette. Then I get an email from them saying they're taking it down because its a violation of copyright laws. Apparently a two year old singing with a fatass is a threat to Prince's artistic livelihood.

Oh, and for the record, his last album SUCKED.

Abby & Daddy Sing "Little Red Corvette"

Potpourri

I have a few minutes with nothing to do, so I figured I'd put something on here. I should do this more often, but I don't. Two jobs and a family leaves little time for this type of hullabaloo. Also, I'm eventually going to change up the picture thingie to the right. Flickr sucks. They only let you have a certain amount of pictures, then they hold them hostage until you pay up. I'm trying out google's picture service, Picasa.

I like this quote, from The Simpsons' Comic Book Guy: "Of the Star Franchises; Trek, Wars, Gate, Search ... Stargate is my favorite!"

1. Who is the last person you talked to?: John Bachman, channel 2 anchor guy.
2. What is your weather like right now?: Hot and steamy, with rain approaching.
3. Where will you be this weekend?: I'm working pretty much the entire weekend. I had an hour to have a picnic with the family.
4. What's for dinner?: I scarfed down Wendy's between scripts. I haven't had the nerve to get the Baconator... which is the coolest name for a food since cumquats.

Name your favorite rock and roll . . .
1. Band The Beatles
2. Singer Prince
3. Guitarist Prince, Clapton, BB King. There are tons of amazing guitarists out there, but none of them can touch these 3.
4. Bassist As much as it pains me to say this, the best bassist around is Larry Graham. As a guy, his religious views are ridiculous and he corrupted the best living performer, but the man can play the bass.
5. Drummer Sheila E. Put her up against anyone. She's got the latin percussion down, and can play over a drum machine and look good doing it.
6. Album sheeit, there are 2 many 2 name.

Our Hot Dogs Are Rich In Bunly Goodness

I am seriously considering a trip to Florida just to visit a Kwik-E-Mart!

I cannot wait for the Simpsons movie to come out. The summer is about half over and I haven't been moved to go see anything. The big movies, Spiderman, Transformers, etc don't excite me. I may be wrong, I'm probably missing out on some good flicks. What flicks have you seen? Which are you looking forward to? Hit comments and release your inner Apu Nahasapeemapetilon.

Purple

Back by popular demand, The Memes. I quit doing them because I don't have as much time to dick with the blog... but the people have spoken, and I aim to please.
Purple
1. What did you think of the Tinky Winky controversy? A homophobic leader of rubes tried to make a things worse for a group of people who already have the cards stacked against them. Said leader is now burning in hell.
2. What was the last thing you heard through the grape vine? Personnel changes at work, and which disgruntled employees are going on interviews where. Personally, I am a gruntled employee.
3. Who do you want to see laughing in the purple rain? Jose from Macaroni Grill.
4. What is Grimace? Purple turd that walks and talks.... and enjoys the occasional shake.
5. If you had a one-eyed one-horned flying purple people eater,who would you feed to it? Pizza with bleu cheese.
What about you? Hit comments and release your inner Fry Guy.

One week post-Sopranos

I waited a week to give my views on the Sopranos ending. Let me first say that my interpretation is no better than anyone else's. Even that guy at work who thinks he know FOR SURE what happened. He don't, you don't and neither do I. That's the genius of this ending. At first I thought it was horrible. We've been taught through years of watching movies and TV to expect a nice tidy ending. Bruce Willis was really dead all along, BJ writes goodbye in rocks, and Kevin Spacey wasn't a retard after all.
I say, in the ending in my brain, Tony was whacked. Why? because in the 2nd to last episode Tony talks to Bobby Baccala in a flashback and they're talking about what its like when you're killed. Bobby says something like, "it just happens." So when the end of the show just ended, I knew that's what he was doing. Plus the guy going into the bathroom was a nod to the Godfather.
David Chase has done one of the best endings in TV history. As an artist, what do you want in a series finale? Something out of the norm that gets people talking, transcends the show itself, and sticks in people's minds. That's exactly what happened. Like it or hate it, it's a week later and people are still talking about it.
There's also speculation that the Sopranos will return. It might happen in a few years. Probably when Gandolfini gets tired of being offered roles that are described as "Tony Soprano-types."
What do you think? It 'Comments' and release your inner Uncle June.

2nd B-Day Pic

MMMM Caaaake.

Swear Jar

My Thought For The Day...

You have a right to pursue happiness... Not to get it.

FREE PARIS

It must be nice to have your sentence cut down because of "Medical
Reasons." I guess being retarded *is* a medical condition. Why can't I
be sentenced to 40 days at Paris Hilton's house? I'll clean up after
myself, I promise. They should have sentenced her to stay in the Denver
hospital with that TB dude.

One more episode.

The last Sopranos will be shown in just 5 more days. I'm looking forward to the last episode, but on the other hand I'm not. Here's a spoiler, Phil gets hit at a gas station. I'll miss the family, but with the 18 months in between the seasons, we're used to it. Maybe they'll make a movie. David Chase better make it the best episode ever.
On Sunday's episode, I was pissed he threw out the gabbagool and vinegar peppers sandwich.
What do you think will happen? Hit comments and release your inner Bobby Baccala.

J'ai une ame solitaire

I am a lonely painter
I live in a box of paints
I used to be frightened by the devil
and drawn to those who weren't afraid
Remember when you told me
that love was touching souls?
Well, surely you touched mine
Part of you pours out of me from time to time in these lines
You're in my blood like holy wine... so bitter and so sweet
I could drink a case of you darling
and still be on my feet... still be on my feet

WHOA!

Wow, more than a month without posting a single thing. It's not like nothing's happened! I'm still working my ass off, but I've also taken 3 vacations this year. We visited family in Florida, Texas and Louisiana. And of course took tons of pictures of Abby. She's getting big, and talks up a storm! Here she is on Easter dyeing eggs:



Too cute for words, huh? She and Tina are away this weekend, and I already miss them.

Now I shall bring the pain:

Don Imus. The only thing I ever hear about him is when Howard Stern makes fun of him. And over the years that's been a lot. Anyway, about his comment. He handled it all wrong. He should've said, "I said something stupid, and I'm sorry I said it." Then he should have gone on with his life, and take his lumps. Don't go on Al Sharpton, don't act like a cowboy... because it is obvious you ain't (Despite your stupid hat)! That made the situation even worse. It was the equivalent of saying, "some of my best friends are black!" He even slipped in the "you people..." during his apology. He apologized to the women he offended, and now he's going off into the sunset like the cowboy he wishes he could be. The bottom line, to me, is he should not have been taken off the air for saying something stupid... he should have been taken off the air for being a horrible DJ. A 77-year-old man trying to stay hip by using slang comes off as pathetic. Now he's a pathetic old white guy who has raised the ire of both women and blacks. Good riddance, enjoy the rest of your days with your creepy wife changing your diaper.

And here I thought he was the father of Anna Nicole's baby. Fuck Imus, get Sirius.

As I sit here listening to people across the room praising Bill O'Reilly the following thoughts come to mind... I hate that people think that if you question the government you're not American. Why don't people understand that questioning the government is the very definition of being American. Government for the people... by the people. I also don't understand people who think Fox News Channel is fair and balanced. The world ain't black and white, and those that think it is, they're blind to half of the world. How hard is it to pander to the right, then belittle anyone with a different opinion? One day people will wake up and see O'Reilly and his ilk for what they are? Look at why he does what he does. He can't really believe all the pablum he pukes over the airwaves. Its a schtick to make money. How long would he survive if he had someone on with a differing opinion and say, "You make a good point, I can accept that." Like most open-minded human beings could possibly say. How do I know it's an act? Because on the other Fox network they aren't right-wing nutjobs, they put on shitty reality shows, another crap that are the bane of a conservative's existence. But no Republican would dare say anything that would make Daddy Rupert mad! The bottom line as I see it... think for yourself, get the facts, make up your own mind.

Figure Skating?

Will Ferrell is gonna do a movie about figure skating with Napoleon Dynamite. It looks to be the typical Ferrell fare, but still funny as hell. I'm sure Chazz Michael Michaels will be honored alongside such larger than life luminaries as Ron Burgundy and Ricky Bobby. It made my day to hear that Willie would be playing a character named Chazz. Too bad he spelled it wrong!

Holy Shit

Ketchup

Hi Teens,
It's been a while since I posted something meaningful (or never, according to some of you!). I've been sentenced to the vampire hours at work, so during the daylight hours I'm in zombie mode. It's taking a toll on me physically and mentally, but it could be worse. I could be working the vampire shift as a spunkmopper at the adult movie theatre. Notice the 're' at the end? I'd only mop spunk at a classy joint.

Anyways, Bring the pain:
• Yesterday I completed 34 revolutions around the sun. They always ask, "Do you feel older?" and for the first time ever, I said yes. I have gray hairs, everything hurts, I worry about bills and retirement, I worry about my kid's future, and a bunch of other stuff I don't even want to get into. It seems like just yesterday I took off of work for a week to hang out at Prince's house for a week. Now I keep thinking of the lyrics to that old Fleetwood Mac song "Landslide."


• Britney's New Hairdo. Who gives a shit. I feel kinda sorry for her. We all have our meltdowns, but we have the privilege of having them in private. On the same token, she knew the price of celebrity. My main objection is to the intense coverage of it. Who gives 2 shits that she's bald. It'll grow back. "Has she hit rock bottom?" Maybe she has, now what does it say about we (i.e. the media) who choose to publicize it to death? I'm sure the 24 year old mother of two in Peoria who isn't a pop star who shaved her head in the middle of a tattoo parlor wouldn't get a second look. I'm guilty of it too... I watched the video of her shaving her head over and over... and I looked at the pictures of her giving the paparazzi a gynecological view of herself numerous times as well. But then again, I'm a scumbag, obviously with a lot of company.


• Anna Nicole Smith passes. I feel sorry for her as well. This woman had the best and worst luck all at once. But I totally understand how losing a child could take your soul. The woman was an idiot and surrounded herself with wolves in sheep's clothing. If the people around her had any respect for her, they wouldn't turn her death into a media circus. But of course that's like asking a leopard to take off his spots. My only hope is that her little baby lives the rest of her life in anonymity and normality. I hope she's not the Lindsey Hilton of the next generation. That would turn this tragedy into something much worse.


• Crazy Diaper Astronaut. I got no sympathy for this crazy bitch. You're smart enough and have the drive to make it into space... yet you still got psycho hose beast sitting on the mental launch pad ready to blast off as soon as Johnny Spaceman gives you a glance. I hope this woman joins the Pop Culture Hall of Shame alongside Lorena Bobbitt, Amy Fisher, and OJ Simpson. People like that have no concern for the outcome of their actions. The families of all those involved are forever tarnished, countless hours of needless bullshit must be undertaken by police and NASA, etc.


• Sirius and XM Merge. Wow, I never thought it would actually happen. Hopefully it will mean more people are drawn to the medium. I've been a Sirius fan since Howard started there, and I'll never go back to regular radio. After listening to all that great music, interesting people, and infinite choices of music, I don't think I could go back to the crap that passes for local radio. Why would you listen to "Boomer and the Diz " on the local morning zoo when there are 100+ other choices waiting for you. Its the best $13 you can spend if you have a craptacular commute like I do.
  

What do you think? Hit 'comments' and release your inner Howard K. Stern. Anwayz, that's it for now. The Welchs are on vacation this week.

All Along The Best Of U

All along the watchtower
Princes kept the view
While all the women came and went
Bare-foot servants too
Outside in the cold distance
A wild cat did growl
Two riders were approaching
And the wind began to howl

Are you gone and onto someone new?

I needed somewhere to hang my head
Without your noose
You gave me something that I didn’t have
But had no use
I was too weak to give in
Too strong to lose
My heart is under arrest again
But I break loose
My head is giving me life or death
I will choose
I swear I’ll never give in
Yes, I refuse

Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Has someone taken your faith?
Its real, the pain you feel
Your trust, you must Confess

Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?

I’ve got another confession my friend
I’m no fool

Super Bowl XLI Final Score: 31-21

I have a very very faint interest in football. In fact I just found out tonight that my hometown team, the Saints are like one win away from going to the Super Bowl. And now Prince is going to be the halftime show? I'm actually looking forward to the big game! Let's get ready to rumble! Oh wait that's boxing.

Another football note: The Florida Gators won because of one thing... their good luck charm:

What are your thoughts, sports fans? Hit comments and release your inner Marv Albert.

Interview With A Vampire

Its day 4 of my new gig on the overnights. I think I may have tried all the tricks to get used to this unnatural schedule. None of it works. I guess I just have to deal with it. Coffee makes me sick, it's too cold in here to keep drinking Cokes, sleeping during the day doesn't work well for me... so I'm just stuck. It ain't so bad, I got internet, tv, and a heater at my feet, plus I get paid well for being here.

It just occurred to me that this is my first post of 2007. I think back to my old BBS back in 1994, and realized here I am doing the same shit on the computer. Just on a much faster one, with more people seeing it and better graphics.

2006 was a great year for me, my little girl got older and discovered many new things... 3 media outlets were vying for my talent services and paid well to get them... all that with no major bummers for the year. Anywayz, here's to a wonderful 2007.

Anyone have any hopes for 2007 or resolutions? Hit comments and release your inner Dick Clark.