The Revolution Has Begun

"You're going to be trapped in an elevator with seven comedians for three hours. Choose seven famous laugh-makers, living or dead, that you'd most like to spend time with when they were in their prime."

1. Chris Rock The funniest stand-up for years. His movies aren't all that funny, but as far as standing on a stage making people laugh, he's the man. Even from his early days on SNL and his cameo in I'm Gonna Get You Sucka you could see he knew he was funny as fuck.
   Embarrassing Stumble: Down To Earth. A dead Chris embodies an old rich white guy. Cliches run amok.
   
2. Dave Chappell This guy is scary funny. His stand up is funny, and his show is funny as hell. Rick James, Lil Jon both owe the resurgence to him and his making fun of them.
   Embarrassing Stumble: The token black buddy in You've Got Mail. 'Nuff Said.
   
3. Early 80s Eddie Murphy Back in the day, his act was so funny and so dirty, that as a young kid it blew my mind. Listening to him talk about The Honeymooners, his uncle at the barbecue, and taking a dump was groundbreakingly funny. "Raw" is a comedy classic, and a very accurate title of a comedy concert movie. Now he's turned into a family-movie star. He went from Mr. Robinson's Neighborhood to Mr. Rogers Neighborhood. He went from talking dirty to talking with animals. He went from talking about nuts to being the Nutty Professor.
   Embarrassing Stumble: Anything after 1990, including that video he made with Michael Jackson. Tito bring me a tissue.
   
4. Early 90s Andrew Dice Clay When he did his first HBO special about 1988, and brought his Dirty Nursery Rhymes to the world... it was mind-blowing. Nobody talked like him. Then after about a year, his schtick got old.
   Embarrassing Stumble: He tried to be the caring dad on a CBS sitcom. Lasted about 10 minutes. Imagine that.
   
5. Rodney Dangerfield One of the originals. One of the first guys to have a catch phrase. "I don't get no respect." He made funny movies as well. Watch "Caddyshack" and "Back to school" and then tell me he's not the king of the one-liner!
   Embarrassing Stumble: Lady Bugs. Coach Rodney turns a kid into a cross-dresser so a girls soccer team can win. How heartwarming.
   
6. Dennis Miller His intelligent wit mixed with a good old-fashioned funny joke gave him his own niche. His rants are peppered with pop culture and obscure references that make you feel like you're a genius if you pick up on it.

   In the elaborate wardrobe of human emotions, guilt is the itchy wool turtleneck that's three sized too small. Guilt may be difficult to articulate, but when it surfaces, it's as unwelcome and distinct as Jethro Bodine in the lobby of an Ian Shraeger hotel.

   Do you know who Jethro and Ian are?
   Embarrassing Stumble: Became a Conservative
   
7. Artie Lange He's a fat Italian guy who likes to curse and crack wise. I can't imagine why he'd be one of my favorite comedians. :) He's the everyman comedian. You'd think he was just the guy who sits next to you on the bus or that works down the hall from you, until you realize he's the funniest mufuka on the planet. He also has the best beginning to a story: "Ya ever been high on heroin and shit your pants?"
   Embarrassing Stumble: Played the token fat buddy in The Bachelor the Chris O'Donnell movie where he has to marry Renee Zellwegger to inherit some money.
   

In general, I usually hate stand-up comics. How many different jokes can you make about the president, flying, hotel rooms, and socks in the dryer? I also think that people seek out the spotlight and feel the need to make people laugh because of something in their childhood. Mommy didn't give them enough attention or they had overly strict parents. Wah. The funny thing is, most comedians will incorporate that into their act.

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Would you rather:
1. get a prank phone call at 2:00am OR sit on a whoopie cushion on a public bus? Get a prank call... I like a good prank call. As for the whoopie cushion on a bus, who gives a shit.
2. get poked in the eye OR get a wedgie?
The wedgie, cuz you can pull out a wedgie. You can't unpoke your eye!
3. taken to the hospital because of a freak accident involving a llama and whipped cream OR an allergic reaction on your nipples from latex?
The nipples one. I could make up a story about why latex was on them. I don't think I could lie about my llamasexual experiences.
4. get bit by a rabid chihuahua OR a wild badger?
Badger? Badger? We don't need no stinking Badger!

1. Something that bothered you last week. Bills.
2. Something that made you smile Every minute I spend with Abby
3. Something that made you sad. Going to work.
4. Something that made you angry Useless Reporterettes whose personal problems become my problems.
5. Something that made you happy 1-9-05 Stern Uncensored!
I finally got my Sirius radio hooked up. I haven't listened to many of the stations beyond the Stern Channel and the classic rock one. Just being able to listening to Howard on the long commute to work is worth the price of admission. The other 100+ channels are a bonus. Not to mention its an alternative to the shitty Atlanta stations.

"Rusty Cage" by Johnny Cash is one of the best songs ever.


Can you guess what this is a picture of? Hit comments and release your inner Jethro Bodine.