Just Shoot Me

1. You know company is coming: do you panic and immediately begin cleaning house or do you sit back and relax because your place is already clean? Clean it up, but the joint don't get too dirty.

2. Which was a bigger surprise for you:
a) Robert Blake was acquitted Yes, this was a surprise. I thought it was so obvious. He may have done the crime, but he ain't gonna do the time.
b) Martha Stewart did jail time I was kinda surprised she did time, I totally expected her high-priced lawyers to get her off. In the end, her fellow inmates got her off.
c) Scott Peterson was sentenced to death Not surprised by this. This arrogant prick deserves to fry. I think if the two weren't good-looking white people, nobody would have heard of this story. I was surprised by the death sentence, but not the guilty plea. I figured he'd get life... more than his pregnant wife and their unborn son got.
d) The Michael Jackson trial began at all I'm not surprised. He's an easy target. Just like in the schoolyard, the queer black kid's gonna get picked on. I wasn't there at neverland when this stuff allegedly went on, but it sure as hell don't surprise me. I don't think he actually molested those kids. I think Michael's sexual growth was stunted at a young age, and therefore his sense of right and wrong is skewed. I'm sure in his mind, he was just being playful and some innocent touching. His world is so out of whack, that's OK.

3. What was in the last package you received in the mail? My sexy lil capture card. I'm a TiVo'ing fool now. No $149 TiVo plus subscription fees for me. It cost me a whole $20!

4. What commercial annoys you the most at the moment? That stupid commercial with Sarah Jessica Parker. I know they didn't make that commercial to appeal to me, a straight man. I'm sure gays and women think she's peachy keen. I think she's annoying, and has a horse-face. The Hootie Burger King commercial used to annoy me, but the song has grown on me, and I find myself humming it all day long. I even fell into Hootie's trap and went to BK to purchase this wonderful Hootieburger. The stupid fucking Marietta BK didn't have them! They were out! Is the marketing power of Hootie that powerful? Is his pimp hand so strong that he can cause a run on tendercrips bacon cheddar ranch sammiches... despite being dressed like a gay Roy Rogers? Apparently so.

If I'm ever in a vegetative state, please put a Tendercrisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch Chicken Sandwich in my feeding tube.

5. What charity was the last one to call you to solicit a donation? Did you give them money? Why or why not? It was a scam charity called "Kid's Wish." They apparently thought people would think it was the 'Make-A-Wish" foundation and pull out their credit cards. I asked the woman if they were affiliated, just to see what she'd say, and without missing a beat she says, "We do similar work, helping children." I can usually spot a scam a mile away.

6. What common household product do you hate to run out of the most? Sinus Tablets. I take them so often that I run out. and Quesadilla ingredients.