Dayum I should update this piece mo often.
Let's catch up. How've you been? Did that thing on your ass cheek heal? Oh congratz.
Anywayz, here's this:
The Super Bowl: The Saints won. My hometown team. I don't watch football, I don't really care beyond whether the Saints win or lose. But I had to get behind their road to the Super Bowl because of something else: The healing power it has over the city. In the four and a half years since Katrina, the city went from having the country's pity to having the country's envy. And that transcends a game, a fan chant, or any lawsuit surrounding it.

The Academy Awards: I actually made a point to watch some of the movies nominated this year. Here are my thoughts:
The Hurt Locker: (Best Picture winner, et al) Long, but really good. It kept my attention, which is my litmus test.
Inglourious Basterds: (Best supporting actor)Very Tarantino. I liked it. I'm always fascinated by his use of music in his films. He doesn't use music that "fits" the scene, but yet it still conveys the emotion of the scene. In this movie about WWII, there was music I can only describe as 70s Jazz Funk. The story was really good, too. Bradolph Pittler was a little too over the top with his hillbilly accent though.
Star Trek: (best makeup) They give awards for this? I loved the movie, though.
Losers: Up In The Air: Was exactly the same as Jason Reitman's other film Thank You for Smoking. Except instead of an asshole selling cigarettes who ultimately doesn't change, its an asshole firing people who ultimately doesn't change.
District 9: While I'm glad there's more sci-fi being considered for Oscars, this movie was long and boring. The effects were nice, but that doesn't make up for a shitty story. Yes I'm looking at you Lucas. Plus this flick was up against Avatar, so it had no chance.
Food, Inc.: I watched this documentary thinking I should be outraged and not want to eat meat or only buy organic or locally grown food. But I said, meh, and ordered a pizza.
Princess and the Frog: I liked it because it featured Anthropomorphic African-American animals, but Disney pulled out every New Orleans cliche and put it in a formulaic cartoon movie.
Movies I didn't see this year:
Avatar: Never got around to it, the hype turned me off
Precious: I'd sooner stick red hot skewers in my eyes. And also, the long ass subtitle was so obnoxious. Stern was right.

It sucks that Cher's soon-to-be-son's name is Chaz, as is Roger Ebert's wife. I'm glad they spell it with a Z and not an S.

What do you think? What was your favorite flick of the last year? Who was robbed of an Oscar? Does anyone give two shits about them? Hit comments and release your inner Roger Ebert.

It's been like 5 weeks since I've put anything on this thing, so I'm going back to the well. Check facebook for more substantive outpourings of my genius.

What’s the one thing that really annoys you? People who think they know everything, while knowing absolutely nothing. If you're dumb accept it. Case in point, I overheard a woman going on about how her firsthand dealings with a sick relative makes her an expert on "Old Timer's Disease."
If it was the end of the world what be the last thing you would try to do? Two chicks.
If you had the choice of designing a mobile phone what one feature would you add to it? Tomorrow's lottery numbers, or x-ray vision.
Diamonds or pearls? I'm a dude, why would I wear pearls?
Silver or gold? Silver, Gold can't kill a werewolf or a vampire!
Are you at home or work? If you're a co-worker reading this, I'm at home. Otherwise...
1. What is the most extreme weather you’ve experienced where you live in the past week? 32 degrees with rain.
2. What’s the worst kind of storm you’ve experienced in person? The tornado that ran over CNN Center and Centennial Olympic Park. I've been in several Hurricanes, but (knock on wood) they didn't do much damage.
3. Where are you more likely to get your weather forecast: on TV, on the radio, in the newspaper, or online? Online. Just type "Weather" then your zip code in google and you're set. The local news usually isn't on when I need it, and I don't listen to local/terrestrial radio.
4. Do you have access to 24-hour channels like The Weather Channel or WeatherPlus? If so, how often do you watch them? Rarely. The Weather Channel tells me the weather for every other city in the world before mine. Plus when they have the local forecast it plays creepy elevator music.
5. Take the quiz: What Kind of Storm Are You? Online quizzes annoy me, so I'll just tell you. I'm a quiet storm.
6. What’s your favorite kind of food to eat when you’re home on a chilly, rainy day? Clam Chowder.

Christmas throwdown '09

And so this is Christmas. It was a wonderful 3 day vacation from work. On Christmas Eve, Tina and Abby wrapped gifts, while Alex and I hung out. After the kids were in bed, we proceeded to put together the "some assembly required" toys. I actually just played with Abby's little video game. It had a star wars game. What was I to. Tina arranged the gifts under the tree, and we crashed. 90 minutes later, Abby came in our room saying "Mommy, the rain woke me up, and I saw under the tree.. HE CAME! and gave me all the stuff I wanted!" This was at 2:15am. We convinced her to stay in bed until 6:30. She continued to talk and talk about what she thought she saw. We spent the next day playing with our toys that Santa brought. I got a guitar hero. Tina got a new camera. Abby got a scooter, and Alex got this thing called an "exersaucer," which sounds like something from an infomercial. In the end we had a wonderful time, had a great dinner, and now it's off to 2010. The year of the non-event.

Tiny Dancer

This was Abby's first dance recital. We schlepped two kids across the metro-Atlanta area in the cold and rain to the Griffin Performing Arts center, which has no parking. Which is appropriate, because I don't believe anyone artistic would perform in this hillbilly hamlet. Abby's group was the #18 song. Out of 21. So we had to sit through 17 songs that where mercifully short, and watch other people's kids. They were fine, but I've got the attention span of a gnat, and at that point I had no patience. Don't even get me started on the white trash parents that had screaming kids and bladders the size of chick peas. Anyway, Abby did great, I'm so proud of her, so it was all worth it.

Chas's Christmas Spectacular

Like any entertainment giant, I'm putting on a Christmas Spectacular!! I've gathered my favorite clips, etc. for your Holiday enjoyment.

First up, a musical number to get us in the mood. Here's Run DMC with their ode to Chicken and Collard Greens, "Christmas In Hollis."

A bit of trivia about that song, it uses a sample from Clarence Carter's tune about Santa's yearning for some dirty love, "Back door Santa."

Now for the culinary part of our program. Let's check in with NPR's Delicious Dish, and one of my favorite snacks. I'll take a sackful, please!


Hey let's take a moment to talk about family and the holidays. It's a time for being thankful for having family near, and renewing the ties that bind. Then they arrive. Just kidding, but it reminds me of a bit of prose spoken on a December morn by one Clark W. Griswold.
Oh, the silent majesty of a winter's morn
The clean, cool chill of the holiday air
And an asshole in his bathrobe, emptying a chemical toilet into my sewer.
And with that I give you... The shitter was full.

Full indeed, full of Christmas cheer!

Who can forget those Christmas mornings as a child, when you'd run to the tree and see what Santa brought you. The night before it was so hard to go to sleep, and you'd have all the possibilities swirling in your head. What will he leave? I remember wondering how the hell Santa Claus got into my house since we didn't have a fireplace. Then nanoseconds later I would see the mound of Star Wars toys tucked gently under the tree. It would be 5am and I knew I had a good 3 hours of playing time without any interruptions from anyone. The weeks leading up to Christmas would consist of me scouring the Sears Catalog, looking at the kaleidoscope of action figures and stuff that Santa would seemingly pick up on his way to my house. Adding to that anticipation, the machine gun delivery of the kids in the Star Wars toy commercials that conveyed a sense of urgency. Oh, they taunted me every Saturday morning.

I had most of those toys, if only I knew where they were now. I could put them in a box in the attic and think about how much they'll be worth in 50 years!

But Christmas is not just about toys, it's about celebrating the birth of Jesus, if you're Christian. If you're Jewish, it's about... Well I dunno. But I know who does. The star of Spanglish and Mr. Deeds, Adam Sandler!


Well that concludes our Christmas Spectacular!!. I hope in this holiday season, you take a break from the doorbuster values, drunken parties, and shitty claymation TV specials to give thanks for what you have, and honor your fellow man.
We leave you with some new Christmas classics, courtesy of the four little boys from South Park.
So from my family to yours, Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.

"So you're the one who bought that CD..."

Top 5 musical purchases you regret (or would like to cast aside to the nearest used CD store)
Well, since I download 99.9% of my music, I just hit delete. Of the CD's that I've actually paid for, here are the shittiest ones:
1. Ace Of Base - The Sign. I liked those 2 hits before they got big, then I got the CD and it was like an aural enema. It's what drove me to MP3s.
2.Peter Gabriel - So. Sledgehammer and Big Time are great, the rest was pretentious garbage.
3. Arrested Development - the album with Tennessee. The CD had 2 good songs, the rest was crap.
4. De La Soul's 2nd Album - I love love loved their first CD. This one was monumentally bad, unfunky, unclever, unlistenable.
5. Johnny Gill's CD with "Rub you the right way" and "My My My" - I bought it to play when I was gettin' busy with a woman. She wasn't impressed and laughed at my music choice. I bet no broad ever laughed at Johnny Gill.

Surely you have some stinkers in your CD collection. Hit comments and release your inner Donny Osmond.

Halloween

Ok Ok Ok, I'm sure you've seen a thousand pictures of people dressed up or their kids dressed up. So here's mine.
Dorothy and the scarecrow.

Dorothy

and the Scarecrow

Alexander The Great

Abby Gets Funky

Why yes, the funk does run in the family.

There aint no easy way out I will stand my ground And I wont back down

Da Kiddoz

I don't know what I did to deserve these to angels.

Who should I be pissed at?

My son is now 17 days old. In his short time on this earth, he has overcome a bruised face, acid reflux, jaundice, constipation and now blood in an uncomfortable place. The German doctor lady tells my wife on that last thing: "It could be nothing, or it could be something serious." Thanks, Frau, now return to the militant wing of the Salvation Army. My insides are infected by frustration, anger and pain, and I can't imagine what its like for an infant to go through this. Despite this, he's a happy baby and a fighter. He'll get through this tough spot and be stronger for it. Until then, my hands are tied, I'm paralyzed. I hate not being able to do anything. There's no one to yell at. No one to blame. I find myself pissed at the world asking, "What's next?"

What was your favourite show on TV when your were little? When I was like 4 I loved the show "Emergency." It was about firemen, and starred the bar owner from Roadhouse. The other guy's name was Randolph Mantooth, the greatest actor name ever. I wonder if he's related to Wes Mantooth and his mother Dorothy Mantooth, who is a saint, btw. Then Star Wars happened, and that all went out the window.
What’s the first CD/LP that you bought? Again, when I was 4, I had a record player, and my first two 45's were "Don't Go Breaking My Heart" and "Rhinestone Cowboy." That should give you an idea of when I was a kid!
Who is the most famous person you have ever met? I interviewed Matthew McConaughey. One day I'll upload the video, and hunt down the picture of him, Tina and I. I also interviewed Vanna White (about crocheting!). I had Cybill Shepherd on my show once, she was a pain in the ass. I had Peter Noone of Herman's Hermits on my show, and insulted him by asking him to autograph a bootleg CD. You should see the note he wrote on the CD! I've also briefly met John Travolta, Matt Damon, Kevin James, and Willie Nelson.
What’s your most guiltiest of pleasures? Krystals. But I pay for it 3-4 hours later.
What’ the worst habit you have or had? All of them, except substance abuse. I don't do drugs, and rarely drink.
Describe yourself in three words? What The Fuck?

Maybe I'm Amazed

My Nest

I like to have all my birds in my nest. When I hit the bed at night, the very least of my worries is where my wife and daughter are. When they're out of town or something, I worry. None of that compares to my worry tonight. Alex, who is all of 42 hours old, is in the NICU at the hospital. I know its for the best, and he's getting good care, but when a mother comes home, so should the baby. Tonight, that's not the case. He's apparently having trouble breathing since he was 4 weeks early, and his little lungs aren't fully developed. Making my heartbreak worse, they told us he'd probably come home today, and even had us bring in the car seat so they could make sure he could breathe OK in it. He's fighting to get well, and there's not a damn thing his father can do but wait and pray. I keep telling myself its much much better that the doctors are in a prevention mode rather than a reaction mode, and I know it'll all turn out OK, but I want my nest complete.

Here Comes The Son

The Welch name will live on. Alexander James was born at 4:31 am, weighing in at a whopping 8 pounds! He was 4 weeks early, but he wanted to come out. He's obviously headstrong like his uncle with the same middle name! Mom and Big Sis are excited, Dad is elated. I can't wait to teach him about Star Wars, Prince, how to build a computer, dick-n-fart jokes, and about how if a gadget is good, but the newer, faster one is better.

Too Fat To Fish

[Listen] What music did your family listen to as you were growing up, and did that music end up influencing you in any way? My Dad always had Beatles playing. I still love all their music. We just went and saw Paul McCartney last weekend, so I guess it influence me.

[Watch] What is your most quotable movie? And if you want, share a couple quotes from it. Coming To America and the Austin Powers movies.
"His mama call him Clay, I'mma call him Clay."
"This ain't my first rodeo, Cowboy."
"Brooklyn Heights own Mister Randy Watson and Sexual Chocolate"
"That ain't no woman, it's a man, man."

[Read] Think about the last book you read. In what ways were you similar to the writer or narrator? I read Artie Lange's book "Too Fat To Fish." I'm similar to him in many ways. The most obvious: being a fat Italian guy. The book is both hilarious and sad at the same time. Like me as well.

Best concert: Prince, 2002, MPLS. 7 days in a row, at his house, with nothing but hardcore Prince fans in the house, and chilling with my home skillet Bino. He laughed incessantly when I wound up on my ass in the middle of the street in front of Paisley Park.
Song you can listen to over and over and not get tired of: Too many to list!
Band/artist you never thought you'd like but you do: Jimmy Buffett. He's too country and kinda cheesy, but I enjoy his concerts, and I'm not ashamed to say I only listen to his hits. :) Also, in my old age I don't mind Duran Duran. I hated them with a passion in the 80s, but now I sing with the radio when their tunes come on.
Worst movie music soundtrack or score: Full Metal Jacket. Crappy 80s synthesizers over a movie set in the 70s doesn't sound right.
A song you wish wouldn't get stuck in your head but always does: "There is always something there to remind me..." and any song that's on a kids show that Abby watches. Why yes, I have hummed the Dora theme song while not watching the show.

Milestones

Today my daughter hits a milestone. She goes to school. I'm blown away by the whole situation. A mere 4 years ago, Abby was this little thing I could hold with one arm and prepare a bottle with the other. I know it's just Pre-K, but it's at an actual elementary school. Now she has a backpack, a bus number, and a teacher that's addressable by a last name. When did my baby become a little girl?
I have no issues with separation, she's been in day care since she was a baby. I have no worries about how she will interact socially with classmates, since she's been in day care and has gone to play dates all her life. I have no worries about how she will do academically. Abby can count to 100, backwards from 10, and to 10 in Spanish... and can read books above her age.
Maybe I'm just taken aback by how proud I am of her, and how excited I am to see her take the first step in to a much larger world.

Hey I'm all man, lady!

Brandi: Second suitor, if we were making whoopee, what sounds would you make?
Brodie: Wait, what's whoopee?
Brandi: You know, being intimate.
Brodie: What? Like fucking?

Well...

Sometimes it's a good day.
Sometimes it's a bad day.
Sometimes a monkey washes a cat.

Smack Smack

Fair to partly crazy.
Deep down we're all the same.
Every single one of us, knows some kind of pain.
In the middle of all this crazy, one thing still remains.
If you love somebody, you're life won't be in vain.
There's always a rainbow at the end of every rain.

OH BOY!

We found out today we're having a boy. His name is Alexander James. It has a royal sound to it. So did my first choice for a name (which Tina veoted): Prince Skywalker.

Careless Whisper

[Listen] See how many songs you can name off the top of your head that have an animal in the title. Easy, just think of The Beatles: Rocky Raccoon, Piggies, I am the Walrus, Everybody's got something to hide except for me and my monkey, Hey Bulldog. Am I forgetting any?

[Watch] What’s the most moving animal-human relationship you can think of that you’ve seen in a movie? I saw some disgusting animal-human relations on the internet, but that's another story altogether. I'd have to say The Lone Ranger and Silver. or maybe that kid and Ole Yeller.

[Read] Who is your favorite animal-based character in a book? The Roach in The Metamorphosis.

mon coeur sur le disque

Abby Pontificates

It's just one lousy dime...

Battle of the Network Pitchmen

In this corner, a hooker-beating douche with a weird eyebrow... put your hands together for Vince!


And in this corner, a brave young man who turned his inability to control the volume of his voice into infomercial gold... let's hear it for the Bearded Bandit, Billy Mays



and the winner is... the American public.

Adventure, excitement... a Jedi craves not these things.

One time my cousin Walter got this cat stuck up his ass. True story. He bought it at our local mall, so the whole fiasco wound up on the news. It was embarrasing for my relatives and all, but next week, he did it again. Different cat, same results, complete with another trip to the emergency room. So, I run into him a week later in the mall and he's buying another cat. And I says to him, "Jesus, Walt! What are you doing? You know you're just gonna get this cat stuck up your ass too. Why don't you knock it off?" And he said to me, "Brodie, how the hell else am I supposed to get the gerbil out?" My cousin was a weird guy.

In A Large Room With No Light

Lana drew a picture in school 2day
One that made her mother cry
A picture of a woman with a drink in her hand
Standing by a child with no eyes
Washington reaction based upon revenge
Babies blown to kingdom come

Damn the logic
Cartoon characters look better when they're on the run
Danny dropped the dime on his girlfriend
He said he didn't wanna go to jail alone
The seed lives in the same mind
With the thought that says we all should be stoned
And people lookin' for angels in the sky

Whenever they're broken-hearted
Love is grown, seeds are sown
A fire don't burn unless it's started
Did you ever feel that life was like lookin' 4 a penny
In a large room with no light?
A sophisticated man reduced to company in no-win situations
That aren't right
Everytime you wake up there's a little motherfucker
Talkin' big stuff in your face (Are you happy?)
You only get the kind of people that open their mouth
just to swap feet
Welcome to the rat race
Did you ever feel that life was like lookin' for a penny
In a large room with no light?
A sophisticated man reduced to company in no-win situations
That aren't right
Oh, if you could just pass your history class
Maybe life would be alright
Until then you'll be lookin' 4 a penny
In a large room with no light

Kenny Powers

The best line ever from Kenny Powers:
“Listen here you beautiful bitch. I am about to fuck you up with some truth.”

I'm gonna miss that fuckin show.

3 the hard way

Another dumb thing i put on my facebook thingie. If you're on there, drop me a line.

THREE NAMES I GO BY
1. Chas
2. Charles
3. Daddy (only by Abby!)

THREE INTERESTING PLACES I'VE WORKED IN MY LIFE
1. CNN
2. WGCL
3. Golden Corral

THREE PLACES I HAVE LIVED
1. Atlanta
2. New Orleans
3. Rio Grande Valley, TX

THREE TV SHOWS THAT I WATCH
1. Simpsons
2. The Office
3. Eastbound & Down (my new fave)

THREE PLACES I HAVE BEEN
1. Mexico
2. Memphis
3. Minneapolis (I was feeling the M's)

THREE PLACES I WANT TO GO
1. New York
2. L.A.
3. D.C.

THREE OF MY FAVORITE FOODS
1. Pizza
2. Hamburger
3. Chick Fil-A

THINGS I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO
1. The new Baby
2. My April Stay-cation
3. When the world realizes my genius

THREE PETS THAT YOU HAVE OWNED
1. Lil Pepper (Our current and last pet)
2. I'm not a dog person
3. I'm not a cat person

THREE FRIENDS WHO WILL REPLY
1. Barack Obama
2. Stephen Tobolowski
3. Willie Nelson

THREE FAVORITE BANDS Or ARTISTS
1. Prince (of course)
2. The Beatles
3. Billy Joel

THREE FAVORITE TEAMS TO WATCH
1. Braves
2. Thrashers
3. Hawks

THREE FAVORITE DRINKS
1. Coke
2. Coke Zero
3. Orange Juice

The Joker isn't a rap fan

Hey Teens

I haven't posted anything in a while. I went on vacation to Orlando. It was nice, but tiring and expensive. Then we came back and it snowed in Atlanta. What the hell is that about? I'm sick of winter. Bring on the Hotlanta I know and am scorched in.

I also discovered facebook, and found I know more people than I had previously thought. I do it at work and on my phone. So if I'm not posting here, I'm over there.
And I also like failblog.org and its affilated websites. Good comedy over there.
Other than that I haunt the usual suspects, ajc.com, drudge, cnn, etc.

So if I'm not here, by all means, go over there and be my friend.

Am I an idiot for being on a social networking site?
Hit comments and release your inner Kenny Loggins.

That first step is a doozie!

Happy Groundhog Day!


Groundhog Day is one of those movies I can watch over and over and still enjoy. What did you think? Hit comments and release your inner Ned Ryerson.

Have you seen this suspect?

Karma is so gonna kick my ass for laughing at this.

I'm copper

You Are Copper

You are provocative and challenging. You help people realize who they really are. You live a very balanced life. You always take time for love and art. You are both a powerful and generous person. You always have time to give back. People find you to be incredibly ethical and loyal.

What Metal Are You?

I thought I'd be Motley Crue, but the question wasn't "What Hair Metal Band are you?"
Oh well. Hey, hit comments and let me know what metal you are, and release your inner Tommy Lee.

Social Networking

1. What social networking sites do you use? (Myspace, Facebook, etc.) None, just this page you're looking at. I think if I was a more sociable person, I'd be on a social networking site. So I'm just making my own social network. Hit comments and say something, and I'll respond. How's that for social?
2. What do you use them for? This site is for nothing more than making you numbskulls laugh, and giving me something to play with for literally minutes a day. :)
3. Do you have any applications on your profile? What's your opinion of them? There's a thingie where you can listen to music, and another thingie where you can watch my youtube videos. They're on the right side of the screen, since I don't have a "profile."
4. What's one thing you would change about social networking sites? More nudity.

I'm going to give you a list of drinks and you give me a song/album/artist that fits that particular drink:
Espresso: "It's the end of the world as we know it" since I think you have to be hopped up on caffeine to sing at that speed.
Wine: "Spill The Wine" It's on the Boogie Nights soundtrack. The song's pretty cool.
Beer: License To Ill. Lots of beer-induced frat-boy rap. They quickly changed their tune.
Milk: John Lennon had an album called Milk and Honey
Water: "Don't go chasin' Waterfalls, please stick to the rivers and the lakes that you're used to." It was the first water song that came to mind.
Tea: Ming Tea insert Austin Powers imitation here
Cappuccino: The Godfather Theme. It's Italian like the drink.
Margarita: No brainer here, "Margaritaville"

Batman and The Joker

The password is what?

A laugh to end your week:


I added some more funk to the mix. If you listening to it and you ain't groovin' in yo seat... something's wrong with yo ass. I changed some stuff around a bit too. What do you think? Hit comments and release your inner Jerome Benton.

The Moment.

"Let it be said by our children's children that when we were tested we refused to let this journey end, that we did not turn back nor did we falter; and with eyes fixed on the horizon and God's grace upon us, we carried forth that great gift of freedom and delivered it safely to future generations."

President Barack Obama
Washington, DC
12:30pm, January 20, 2009

70s Funk

I'm feeling in a 70s funk mood today, so I put some tracks in the mix for yall. Where's that mixtape thingie that used to be to the right? Apparently the company's business model of streaming other people's music for free didn't hold up in these tough economic times. So now there's a new jukebox at the bottom of the page. To hear the funk, scroll down, way down. These aren't you average 70s funk tunes you hear on commercials, etc. These are rare tracks teeming with funk.
Do you have any additions for the list? What are your funky favorites? Hit comments and release your inner Bootsy Collins.

So... freakin... cold

This morning as I left my house, it was a scorching 18 degrees, by the time I got to work, it was 16. That's just re-gotdam-diculous. I know you northerners say, "Try dealing with cold and snow for months!" To which I reply, "Move." That's why I live in the south, cuz it ain't that cold. Even the one day a year when it does snow, it's not that cold. Oh well, you know what they say about the weather, everyone bitches about it, but no one ever does anything about it.
How cold is it where you live? Hit comments and release your inner Jack Frost.

Did yall see the news yesterday about the plane that landed in the Hudson River? That pilot must have balls of steel to not only pull off a water landing but also have the skills to do it without any casualties. They say you should treat every day as a blessing, I hope the people on that plane who are making the tv news show rounds do just that.

Santa tells Abby a joke

"So I tell Mrs. Claus, 'That ain't no Yule log!'"

Kay Ef See

I was quite amused by the story of the girls bathing in the KFC sink. Especially the fact that it was on the news before the manager knew about it. I worked at KFC in high school, and I saw many things. Nothing involving half-naked chicks though. There was the time Tommy 2-Short, a diminutive rapping chicken-frier, who got blown in the men's bathroom (while he was supposed to be cleaning it) by a pregnant white trash co-worker. There was the time a co-worker and I were supposed to go get drunk, but he couldn't make it cuz he was in jail for attempted murder. Then there was the time I dared this black dude to throw a ball made of flour and water at the owner's son. He did it. There were some other bizarre shit that went down but I have to plead the fifth on the rest.

I think anyone who has to work at a fast food restaurant deserves a break, somewhat. It's degrading, it's nasty, and it doesn't pay well. If nothing else it inspired me to work hard to get a job that doesn't involve cleaning deep-fat fryers. Don't get me wrong, these broads shouldn't have done something so unsanitary. No customer deserves to have a stranger's ass and vagina slime on their food. At least they're bathing, which is more than can be said about many of the fast food employees I've run into.

What about you? Surely you've had some shitty job that has permanently scarred you. Hit comments and release your inner Dave Thomas.

Abby voted for "Rocka Bama"

November 4th, It's either sadness or euphoria.

I'm often asked about who I'm voting for in the upcoming election. I haven't written about it, since (according to my Dad and Brother) I'm a member of the liberal elite media, I don't want to take sides. I will say this: We live in the greatest country on earth, and we're forced to pick between the lesser of two evils.
One of my favorite performers, Billy Joel, today was asked which of his songs fits each of the candidates. He didn't answer, but played this song which I think sums up the painful yet necessary evil we call presidential politics.

Summer, Highland Falls.
They say that these are not the best of times
But they're the only times I've ever known
And I believe there is a time for meditation
In cathedrals of our own

Now I have seen that sad surrender in my lover's eyes
And I can only stand apart and sympathize
For we are always what our situations hand us
It's either sadness or euphoria

And so we'll argue and we'll compromise
And realize that nothing's ever changed
For all our mutual experience
Our separate conclusions are the same

Now we are forced to recognize our inhumanity
Our reason coexists with our insanity
And though we choose between reality and madness
It's either sadness or euphoria

How thoughtlessly we dissipate our energies
Perhaps we don't fulfill each other's fantasies
And as we stand upon the ledges of our lives
With our respective similarities
It's either sadness or euphoria

I'm hungry and it ain't lunchtime yet.

What is your favorite…

Breakfast Food: Eggs, bacon, grits, toast. Why yes, I am from the south and obese, why do you ask?
Pizza: Anything thin crust, and Domino's philly cheese-steak pizza.
Ice Cream: Ben & Jerry's peanut butter cup. Them hippies make a helluva ice cream.
Caffeinated Beverage: Coke. There ain't no other.
Vegetable: Funyuns
Fruit: Skittles
Dessert: Chocolate Cream parfait from KFC. I don't think they sell these anymore, but when I was a kid they were the shit.
Fast Food Chain: It depends on my mood. But I can usually eat Taco Bell any time of the day or night.
Store-bought Beer (or soda if you don’t drink beer): I rarely drink, but the only beer I ever actually enjoyed was Mini-Coronas in Mexico with those lil limes.
Type of Cuisine: Mexican
BONUS: What kind of food are you the best at cooking/baking? I'm good at cooking everything, yes everything. except pancakes. My spaghetti and meatballs are an aphrodisiac. Think they ain't?

What about you? Hit comments and release your inner Paula Deen.

A day at the beach

i'm sitting here on the beach, my feet kicked up, music playing, a cool wind is blowing, and I'm watching Tina and Abby collect sea shells. I'm thinking life doesn't get any better.

You've seen them live

Tell us the following:
The best artist you've seen perform live and the worst: (from a musical standpoint) The best is Prince, of course, no one comes close. I've seen him live 21 times over the last 20 years in 6 different cities. Every show was different, and better than the one before. Except the one he did with Tamar in 2006. It was kinda shitty except for the 4 of his own songs he performed. Some performers just walk out, play the same playlist they did in the last 24 shows, say one sentence in between songs, do the obligatory encore, then leave. Prince ain't never had a show like that. Prince plays the music that blows your mind, showing off a skill that has risen to the level of genius. He also talks to the audience throughout the whole show, making you feel like you're a part of something rather than a spectator. Finally, it is damn entertaining (at least to me) to watch him operate as a band leader. Beyond just playing guitar, keyboard, and singing, he's calling out orders to the band, arranging and re-arranging songs on the fly. That's why he has top notch musicians who can handle anything a madman like him throws at them. If anyone walks out of a Prince concert without, at the very least, bobbing their head or humming a tune, then they need to have their meds readjusted.
The worst concert is pretty hard to nail down. I've been to some shitty shows. The very worst concert I've ever attended was Music Midtown in Atlanta. First of all there was no parking so I had to walk for miles and miles to get there. It was a 2-day concert, and I only wanted a 1-day ticket,but they "sold out" of the single-day tickets. Then it was hot and sooo dusty. I got to see some shitty groups/performers like Freddy Jackson, and Steppenwolf. The only good guys were Night Ranger and Loverboy, but they were like 20 years out of their prime. So they sucked. I never went back and they quit holding them. Good riddance.
The concert with the worst audience: Richie P and I went to some rap concerts in New Orleans back in the early 1990s. We were the only white guys there. It was before rap was mainstream and we got some weird looks. Then somebody stole my badass Ice Cube cap. What was I gonna do? Cry like a bitch? Go tell the security guy? "Scuse me officer, have you seen a black guy with a black baseball cap?"
The most expensive concert and the least expensive: The most expensive concert was in 2002. Gabino and I spent a week in Minneapolis watching 7 nights of Prince concerts. The tickets weren't that expensive, but I had to buy 7 of them and hotel and airfare. But it was worth every fucking penny. I'd do it again in a heartbeat.
I've been to tons of free concerts, many of them I got through connections at work.

Werd Association

Technology: She blinded me with science - welcome to the 80s.
Exercise: Let's get physical Olivia never looked so good
Punch: I got nothing.
Temperature: Some like it hot and some sweat when the heat is on.
Fire: Let me stand next to your fire Jimi still rocks.
Clothes: Fashion Bowie's still weird.
Doll: I'm a barbie girl in a barbie world
Sweet: Sweet Emotion I love the ending of this video!
Makeup: Amy Winehouse's scary mug. What a nutjob.
Drunk: Why don't we get drunk and screw Jimmy still rocks.

What about you? Did my picks suck? Hit comments and release your inner Thomas Dolby.

The Naughty Librarian

Name seven cool movie gadgets you’d like to own:

Ziggy from Quantum Leap: A little pda that can tell you the future.

Communicator Badge from Star Trek: Just tap your chest and talk, better than bluetooth!

Darth Vader's innards from Star Wars: Anakin was basically a barbequed torso, then they made him into this 7 foot asthmatic menace.

The Holodeck from Star Trek: I'd never leave the house if I had one of those!

Rosie the Robot maid from The Jetsons: Actually, I just want a maid. :)
Listen: Name one cover of a song that you think is better than the original. There are many, but the first one that comes to mind is "Walk This Way." Aerosmith's original is pretty good, but Run-DMC's is legendary.
Watch: What was your favorite show in the 90s? The Sopranos, without a doubt.
Read: Name the ideal setting for reading a book (at the park, in bed with candles, etc.). Sitting on the throne.


Top 5 "Goodbye" songs

Boyz II Men - "It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday" 90's goodness. A nod to the 1970's flick "Cooley High."

"Excuse me, but is this really goodbye?" Prince outtake goodness.

"Time of your life (Good Riddance)" Green Day. It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.

"Na Na Na Hey Hey Goodbye" Cheezy 60's goodness.

"I will always love you" - Dolly's version not that crackhead Whitney's!

Abby's New Haircut

She took some scissors to her hair, which inspired the new 'do.

Take a look at this list of famous musical vegetarians and vegans. List your favorite song by each person.
Paul McCartney (it looks like all of the Beatles were vegetarians, actually). To Live And Let Die. Hearing it live is phenomenal. John was always the protester of the group, then after he died Paul didn't exactly take up the anti-war vibe. He became vegan. Maybe he can grow a set using the compost he's no doubt making in the backyard of his mansion.
Johnny Marr and Morrissey (pick a Smiths song) Umm none. I never listen to these dorks.
Fiona Apple - Sleep To Dream I loved this song from the first time I heard it and saw the video. It takes me back to 1995. No surprise this granola chick is a vegan.
Prince - Too many. But being a vegan has prompted him to write some whack songs.
Meat Loaf (oh, the irony!) "I would do anything for an organic vegan brownie."
Carrie Underwood No fucking idea.
Chris Martin (pick a Coldplay song) - Mexican Clocks Except for this tune, this band sucks. Who the hell cares if you're depressed. Snap out of it, pussies.

I'm a meat-atarian. Man is a hunter and gatherer... we should eat meat... it's in our DNA... contrary to Peta's view that man's insides aren't meant for meat.
What do you think? Hit 'comments' and release your inner Ted Nugent.

Hey, ya know what?

I hate Dane Cook and The Big Lebowski. Neither are funny.
There, I said it.

Badass JamZ

Hey Teens...
I was listening to the Hits channel on Sirius, and it was horrible. I've always said the day I got old was the day I complained about today's popular music and saying, "Back in my day..."

Guess what. I'm old.

I was mildly amused the "I kissed a girl and I liked it" song... then I realized I was playing into this crappy pop singer's hands. She never kissed a girl... but she did know that guys are into the thought of chicks kissing. Guilty as charged... but don't pander to me.

Anyway, for some decent music, hit play on the tape to the right and hear some badass JamZ. Some of the tunes suck, I put them in to make the other ones look that much better. Which ones do you think are the sucky ones? I used to have a bunch of these tunes on "mix CDs" which are commonplace now, but back in my day, we had mixtapes, then I came up with mix CDs. Yes me. I'm taking credit for it. I was doing it before you or the nerdy kid you knew in 1995. Everyone who listened to them said "this rocks." The CDs are all gone now, people either took them or I gave them away. I believe music should be shared. So hit play... then hit comments and release your inner Casey Kasem.

Bigfoot my foot!

The Bigfoot thing was a hoax. Stevie Wonder could see it was a just a gorilla suit.

Word Association

We haven't done a music word association in awhile:
Ending: "And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make."
Long: The Long and Winding Road
School: School's out for... ever.
Teen: Teenage Wasteland
Crazy: Crazy... for thinking that my love could hold you
Search: Hold on, I'm still searching for a song with search in it.
Baby: Hit me baby one more time.
Shoes: These boots were made for walkin...
Mellow: I wanna get lost in the mellow mellow of my mind.
Window: Put a candle in the window.

OK teens, it's your turn, hit comments and release your inner John Fogerty.

The best things in life

Number 081608: Mrs. Freshley's Doughnut Sticks.  Maybe it's because I'm starving, but these fucking things rock.

It smells like Bigfoot's dick!

What the hell is this? Only in Georgia would two rednecks get together, dress one of them up as a gorilla, get into a freezer, and say they found Bigfoot. Keep in mind this is the same state that produced something called "Hogzilla" and his much nastier sister "Cynthia McKinney." Do these guys really believe that there is a race of half-human, half-apes hiding in North Georgia? Do they even have regular apes in Georgia?
Bring the pain...
1. Do you prefer a hotter climate or a colder climate?
Hotter is better, the cold hurts.
2. If you could live anywhere on the planet and money wasn’t an object, which area would you choose? Somewhere in the South, maybe near a beach.
3. Do you prefer walking, riding a bike, driving or flying when you are going somewhere? Driving, or flying if I could afford it.
4. Take the quiz: What planet do you come from?
What Planet Are You From?
5. What is the biggest change you have made to help the environment?
I put one out of every 6 cans in the recycle bin. and my car is fuel-efficient.
6. If scientists discovered signs of life on another planet, would you worry about your safety if that material was brought to Earth for study? Nope. There should be no boundaries for ethical study. I don't think you should clone humans, but if a wookiee was discovered I'd say let's find out all we can about him.

What about you? Hit comments and release your inner Boba Fett.

Reflection

Two sevens together
Like time, indefinite
Trying to catch the glass
befor it falls
Without a frown
Can you turn up the stereo?
I wanna play you this old song about love
Can I do that?

Did we remember to water the plants today?
I forgot to look up at the moon because
I was too busy
Looking at you babe

Still it's nice to know
That when bodies wear out
We can get another
What does that 1 thing have 2 do with the other 1?
I don't know
I was just thinking about my mother

Turn the stereo back down
Ain't nothing worse than an old worn out love song
Tell me do you like my hair this way
Remember all the way back in the day
When we would compare who's afro was the roundest

Mirrored tiles above the bed
Fishing nets and posters all over the wall
Oh yes, sometimes
Sometimes I just wanna go sit out on the stoop
And uh... play my guitar
Just watch all... all the cars go by...

I was looking through some old old emails that I saved and I thought it was funny how, in an instant, you can be shot back 5 years like a slingshot. All the emotions come welling back up. Roads not taken, choices not made, songs not played. Eh. Ain't nothin worse than an old worn out love song.

I'm running for president

Six On Sunday

1. When is the last time you actually filled your car’s car tank completely?
I do it all the time.  If I find a good price, I have to take advantage of it.
2. What’s the most you’ve paid for a gallon of gas so far?
$4.03, but that was in the city in a bad neighborhood, out in the 'burb where I live its cheaper.  I haven't paid over $4 many times.  ATL's under the national average, but not much.
3. Has the high gas prices affected how much you travel at all?
Indirectly, because with rising airline prices I can't afford 3 plane tickets... but via car not really.  It's worth the extra money to get away for a few days, even though I don't do it as much as I should.
4. Take the quiz: What does the road trip of your life say about you?

The Road Trip of Your Life

You see life as precious and special. Heritage and family are very important to you. You live life at a fairly leisurely pace. You take time to enjoy the sweeter parts of life, even when you're busy. You don't like a lot of risk or randomness in your life. You prefer to stick with what's known, even if it's a bit boring. You are able to find a fairly healthy balance between work and play. You work when you need to, but you never let yourself burn out. In another life, you could have been a great artist. You trust your creative instincts enough to let them lead you.

The Road Trip Test

5. Which single statement was the most accurate about you?
All of them, more or less.

6. If your best friend called you up and wanted to take a week-long road trip, would you be able to afford it?
I could make it work.  I may have to rely on bologna sammiches and Ramen n00dles, but I could do it. 
What about you? Hit comments and release your inner Clark Griswald.

Milestones

Abby had her first haircut recently.

She also went to her first Braves game. She obviously had more fun eating ball park food and playing around. Turner Field has so much stuff for kids to do. It was a fun night.

Tina and Abby went out of town this week, so I'm home all alone. So its just me, Prince and Papa John. It's a sausage fest in here... shit, wait... no not that kind dammit!

More of my bullshit

Who is your favorite Beatle? Not that I have one, but I would pick John.
What is one of your favorite Beatle songs? Key word there is "one of," because I have so many. The whole 2nd side of Abbey Road, Most of the White Album, and all of Rubber Soul.
Best/Worst cover of a Beatles song How about I show you:

Best song by a Beatle after the breakup "Imagine." bar none. Well maybe "Back Off Bugaloo." Just kidding :) "Imagine" sums up perfectly hope for a better world amid so much turmoil. Lennon was talking about early 70s turmoil, which is different than the current day turmoil, which is different than future turmoil. Despite that, the words fit perfect. As a writer, you hope your words are timeless and enduring. Very few songs resonate like "Imagine" in that respect. Prince's "Sign O' The Times" comes close. Also, Paul McCartney had a string of great solo tunes as well. "Live And Let Die," and "Maybe I'm Amazed" are among the best. Both of those sound amazing live. I put those tunes in the playlist, hit play on the cassette to the right to hear them.
Are you a talker or a listener? Is it ever possible to really be both? Absolutely not. When you're running your mouth, you can't absorb anything. I am a listener, I don't talk much. You can get more information that way. Ben Franklin I think once said, "The ear should be sharper than the tongue."
Do you think God has a sense of humor? Aw hell yeah. I am living proof!
Do you believe in love at first sight? Have you ever experienced it? Yes and yes.

What about you? Hit comments and release your inner Lance Brumder.

At The Movies

After watching the Academy Awards some months ago, I decided I would use my knowledge of the internet's backroads to watch some of these honored flicks in an effort to be more cultured. Since then, I've seen some of the movies that got the most buzz. I don't know if the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences nominating committees were watching the same movies, but the ones I've watched... suck.
Here now is my rundown of a few movies that Oscar cheered, but Chas kinda jeered:
Juno: Won for best original screenplay, the only win of its 4 nominations. Slang-slinging teen misfit learns life lessons while pregnant. The writing was pretty good, despite trying to crow-bar in the teenspeak. The acting was well-done, but the story just kinda dragged. The music to me sounded all the same. I think they hired the first granola chick at the local liberal arts college who played guitar to shit out a few songs. At the end I was just thinking, "So what?"
There Will Be Blood: Won two of its eight Oscar nods, one for best actor Daniel Day Lewis, and the other for best cinematography. There will be boredom. By the end of the 6-to-7 hour movie I was going to demand my money back. I couldn't exaclty do that, so I was going to find Paul Thomas Anderson and waste 6-to-7 hours of his life. Maybe ask him Dirk Diggler questions. I should've known better after watching two of his other movies, "Magnolia" and "Punch Drunk Love." They both sucked major ass. Anyway, the plot on this clunker went nowhere: a Sleazy oilman and his son shiester a small town. I was pleading with the movie gods to please make something happen. It just dragged on and on and on. The dialogue was sparse, and not compelling. The characters had moments where they were interesting, but the momentum then fizzled. For example, the soft-spoken preacher guy was pretty boring the whole movie, then all of a sudden he's this charasmatic evangelist who was healing in the church. I was left thinking, 'where the hell did that come from?' And contrary to popular belief, Daniel Day Lewis can't cover up his british accent. He just sounds fake in this and in "Gangs of New York." I don't know why Hollywood swings on this guy's nuts... or the nuts of this film.
Sicko: Nominated for best documentary feature. I like Michael Moore, but this thing was a fill-in-the-blank documentary for him. It gave a little more credence to his critics who say you can slant something to make it look however you want. Plus it was so anti-American it made my stomach turn. Don't phone it in Mike, you're better than that.
Michael Clayton: Tilda Swinton Won Best Supporting Actress for the film, the only winner among its 6 nominations. Good film, however it's not without its flaws. It's way too long, and the dialogue just drags and drags. Too much needless conversation. Overall the movie was engaging, and kept me interested until the end. That Tilda Sinton woman who got the Oscar was barely in it, and I didn't think her performance was anything special... and she kinda freaked me out cuz she's reminds me of those old concentration camp newsreels. George Clooney should've gotten an Oscar for this film.
American Gangster: Nominated for best art direction and Ruby Dee was nominated for best supporting actress Good film, lots of action. I like gangster films, and this fits in well with the classics. Denzel should've been nominated here. You can see the anger that's boiling just below his cool exterior, and when it blows, it's spectacular. It had a happy ending that I thought was a bit cheezy. Russell Crowe CANNOT do a Jersey accent. It's just impossible. He should stick to gladiator movies. The writing was good and the character development was good as well. I agree with the art direction nod, everything in it looked like the 70s and early 80s. The cars, the clothes, etc. They looked like that era, but not too cliche. I don't get the Ruby Dee nomination, she was barely in it, and she plays the same old lady she's been playing since 'Do The Right Thing.'
BONUS: 2006 FILM I SAW LAST NIGHT:
Little Miss Sunshine: Won two of four nominations: Best screenplay and Alan Arkin won best supporting actor. Imagine if you got the most boring professor you had in college, then told him to remake "National Lampoon's Vacation." You would get "Little Miss Sunshine." A hapless dad takes his know-it-all wife, weird kids, and strange family members on a cross-country trip in a silly vehicle. Can't miss, huh? Oh yeah. I chuckled exactly 3 times in this movie. The only bright spot is Alan Arkin's cursing grandpa (the Aunt Edna of the trip, he even dies halfway through like Aunt Edna!). But you get no sense of why he's an old coot. The characters' exposition should weave into the story... but it doesn't. I think by the end of a movie, the characters should have changed in some way. In this movie, they did... and that's the one good thing I can say about it.

Now my usual caveat, this is my opinion I welcome yours, hell, I'm pleading for it! Hit comments and release your inner Peter Travers.

Back In Black

1. Who's the black sheep in your family? In my immediate family there's only 3 of us, so nobody. In my whole family, it would be my brother. He always ummm "did his own thing."
2. Do you take your coffee black? Nope. I put tons of cream and sugar. I need it smooth and full of caffeine.
3. Do you own a Blackberry? Nah, I don't need to be that in touch. I would get one if it didn't cost extra on your phone plan or if they gave me one at work. I asked for one, they said I didn't need one, and that they were not going to give me one just to play with. Overall, I'm enamored with gadgets, and I fight back the urge to get one just for the sake of having it.
4. Which black forest would you rather eat - cake or ham? Cake, definitely cake. Ham is good, but it ain't cake.
5. Have you ever had a black eye? Nope, I'm a lover not a fighter.

See Ya George

George Carlin died yesterday. I'm kinda sad. I met him once in December 2004 at a book signing. He was a dick to me. I walked up and said, "Hi, I'm Chas" as I handed him my book, to which he replied, "I don't personalize nothin!" Then when I asked if I could take a picture with him he said, "Sure, but I usually don't look up." As you can see, he didn't look up. Then I got home and started reading the book. It sucked. Why would I say less than flattering things about a guy who just died? Because George was a "call it like you see it" kind of guy, and would want no less. If someone is a dick, call them a dick... not a "personality-challenged individual." Just listen.
Despite that one bad experience, I have loved his comedy since the early 80s when, as an impressionble youth, would watch his HBO specials. Even as a kid I liked him because he not only made you laugh, he also made you think. Godspeed funnyman.

The story of my life

If you're at work, you'll wanna turn the sound down.
You're doing your best, working you ass off, then a bug flies into your mouth.
Wait, that was wrong.

More of these things that you guys keep telling me you loooove!

1. How many days a week, on average, do you eat breakfast? I eat breakfast every day. Six days a week its toast to go, cuz I don't have time to eat.
2. If you eat a breakfast that involves actual cooking, what are most likely to prepare for yourself? Every once in a while I'll fry a couple of eggs.
3. If you eat a breakfast that requires no cooking, what are you most likely to choose for yourself? Toast, cereal, sometimes instant oatmeal.
4. Take the quiz: What Kind of Cereal Are You?

You Are Cheerios

Like other Cheerios eaters, you want to be a responsible adult. But you can't help but still be a kid at heart! You try to make good decisions. You're a clean cut, conscientious person. You're the type of person who would never skip breakfast. Part of you thinks that breakfast is too important to miss... But a bigger part of you knows it's too fun to miss!

What Kind of Cereal Are You?

That's funny, cuz I don't like Cheerios.
5. When you eat pancakes, how many do you typically place in a stack?4
6. How do you like your pancakes: with butter/margarine or without, and what flavor of syrup? Butter and regular ole maple syrup.
What do you think? Hit comments and release your inner Tony the Tiger.

Word Association

The first song/artist/album that comes to mind when you see these colors:
Pink: Aerosmith's tune of that name.
Purple: Rain
Blue: -s Brothers
White: Lines (old school rap song)
Gold: Band Of..
Silver: Maxwell's Hammer, The Beatles
Green: Day
Yellow: Submarine, The Beatles
Red: 99 Balloons
Brown: James,the Godfather of Soul

I added these songs to the playlist, hit play on the cassette to the right for more badass JamZ, then hit comments and leave your favorite color songs/artist/album and release your inner Barry White or Jackson Brown.

its 5 am.

Hey teens.
I know it has been quite some time since I have posted. Why? I dunno.
I started a new job, got a new car, and my baby is about to turn 3. I went on a cruise and I hate the bahamas. Life is what you make of it. I'll try and be more attentive.

1. What was your most memorable moment in school? In high school it was driving to school and showing up wearing my cool Girbaud or Cavariccis. Then I graduated and I realized I wasn't cool. I hated high school. In college, it was becoming the 'teacher's pet' cuz I was a freaking journalistic genius. Then I graduated and realized I wasn't a genius.
2. What was your favorite subject in school? My writing classes and the classes on computers. Back then, classes with computers were considered "high tech."
3. Did you participate in any extracurricular activities? Nope. I hated school and wanted to leave ASAP. I worked. That was my extracurricular activity. I fried chicken for the Colonel and filled up a trough at Golden Corral.
4. If you could go back in time and give your school-age self some advice, what would you say? Participate in extracurricular activities, not because they'll help you later in life, but because they might make you hate school less.

1. What is your favorite song about or mentioning Mexico? "...but it's a real beauty, a mexican cutie. How it got here I haven't a clue."
2. What is your favorite Mexican or Mexican-American musician/band? Is J-lo mexican? :)
3. What is your favorite song by a Mexican or Mexican-American musician/band? "A little bit is better than nada... sometimes you want the whole enchilada..." I'm not really into the song, but that's a catchy line.

What about you? Hit comments and release your inner Freddy Fender.

Blow me down

In case yall was wondering, I'm still alive. I tried to avoid the cliche "It sounded like a freight train!" It didn't sound anything like a freight train. It was more like just a deep rumble, like when you're about to take off in a plane. It was more of a pain in the ass than anything... like everything else. It has been a shitty year. I got real sick like 3 times, my grandpa died, I got caught up in a tornado, some saw-happy dentist wants to yank out my wisdom teeth, another doctor says I have sleep apnea that's causing my headaches... sometimes I yell 'What's next?' I shouldn't complain, I've had my best friend by my side the entire time, and my daughter keeps me grounded in what's really important. I have gray hairs now. I'll look like Gay-Jesus Anderson Cooper by the end of the year.