I Want My MTV

Who are the first Mtv VJs that you can remember? I remember the first ones. Martha Quinn, Mark Goodman, Alan Hunter, Nina Blackwell, and JJ Jackson (r.i.p.). I wasted so much of my youth watching them!

Name 3 tv shows that aired on Mtv. (were any of them actually music related?) The 3 best:
1. Yo! MTV Raps The greatest of all MTV shows. This show is often overlooked as being a major part of the rap revolution. Before Yo!, there was no rap on TV. Where would white kids see rap videos before YO!? It took rap out of the hood, and put it in the suburbs. Fab 5 Freddy, Dr. Dre (the fat one, not the former NWA one), and Ed Lover kicked ass.
2. Remote Control This was a great pop-culture game show. Adam Sandler, Colin Quinn & Kari Wuhrer got their starts on the show. I remember as a kid I knew all the answers, and hoped to one day sit in the recliner... and you get pelted with cereal if you get a question wrong. It rocked.
3. The Osbournes It turned Ozzy from Metal God to America's favorite dad. And it transformed his mental family into celebs as well. Yes, it jumped the shark fairly quick, but Ozzy still rules.


What bands do you think would be nothing without Mtv? Are you kidding? Any pop group that had a top 10 single after 1984!!! Case in point, before MTV, the hot groups were The Eagles, Christopher Cross and Grand Funk Railroad. The only place you would see what your favorite singer looked like was on the album cover, in concert, and sometimes in concerrt. Then when you actually had to look at the guys, they looked like regular schlubs (like me). Then MTV came along with the cool haircuts, the badass clothes, and just an image no one had seen before. Do you think Duran Duran would be anything without a video? Hell no.

Bonus: What is your favorite music video? Smack My Bitch Up by Prodigy. I've never sat in front of a video with my mouth agape, then that surprise ending! Somehow everyone should see it, then you'll see why I like it!

The Aristocrats

So wrong, yet so right.

I don't get it, though.

BlogdriveInsanity

BlogdriveInsanity:
01. How many music files do you have on your hard drive? About 100, but I regularly save them on a CD-Rom. In all, including my serious collection of Prince Bootleg mp3s, I have about 10,000 songs.
02. What was the last song that you heard that made you want to buy the cd immediately? None really. I like just downloading them. 9 times outta 10 the rest of the CDs gonna suck. I did get the Ozzy Box set, because it was all new versions of classic songs, and it came with a DVD. These new "dual disc" releases that are coming out now are interesting. Its an easy way to get back at the downloaders. I'd actually buy a disc if it came with something more than the usual 15 tunes.
03. Name at least four of your favorite 'oldies but goodies'. There are too many old songs I like. I'll give you four of my favorite artists that are considered "oldies:" a) The Beatles. Classic, no explanation needed. b) Jimmy Buffett. The guy had one hit single in the last 25 years, but still sells out arenas, and makes millions. I like his tunes a lot. c) Willie Nelson. This guy puts out an album a year, and goes on tour every year. He's approaching 103 years old, but still puts on a hell of a show, and will stand outside his bus for hours signing autographs. d) The Eagles. These guys seem to be douchebags in real life, and I'm sure are just going out on tour for the money ($250 to look at 4 middle age guys up close? c'mon!), but damn its good to hear those songs being played live. Joe Walsh is the exception, he seems like a fun guy to hang with. He probably lives to play jokes on Don Henley.
04. What is the last song that you like so much you just HAD to learn the lyrics "In My Daughter's Eyes"... for obvious reasons.

I ain't no Hollaback Girl

I haven't been feeling creative lately, so here you go, anyway.
The Music Memoirs:
First recording artist you had a crush on. Olivia Newton John in Grease. I was 4. I knew I wanted the leather-slut Sandy, not the puking at the quasi-lezbo slumber party Sandy.

First band you obsessed over. Ozzy. I was the only kid in 4th grade with an Ozzy T-shirt. Ahhh the 80s. :) He's got some neurological disease that gives him the shakes. I feel sorry for him, cuz he's been shit on left and right... and those kids, and that wife, and all those fuckers leeching at his house. Poor Bastard.. poor poor bastard.

First song you wanted to forget I dunno, I forgot.

First song that you liked but none of your friends liked. I was the only kid I know who listened Prince. So I caught shit from my friends all the time. Now when I was front row at the Prince show, I had 6 people saying they wish they had my seat.

George W. Bush Jacked Off A Horse

This is relief for anyone whose ever been an apartment dweller. Its the Revenge CD. Here's a look at the funky trax:

1) Drill; 2) Party (At Least 200 People); 3) Orgasm (Outstanding); 4) Train; 5) Drum (Played by a Child); 6) Inhuman Screams; 7) Walking (High Heels); 8) Domestic Squabble; 9) Doors Banging; 10) Bowling; 11) Unhappy Dog; 12) Practicing Scales (Violin); 13) Traffic Jam; 14) Garbage Truck; 15) Newborn; 16) Phone Ringing; 17) Ball Game; 18) Pigeons; 19) Spring Cleaning; and 20) Cock-a-Doodle-Doo!

To all those messikins who insist upon playing the Mexico's Top Hits at all hours of the night... payback's a beeeech, vato! Its like a Tijuana disco up there. I can just imagine leaving that CD on for hours while I'm at work. Ahhh. Sweet Revenge.

Speaking of revenge, the runaway bride's husband needs to get as far away from this bug-eyed psycho bitch as soon as possible. He says he still wants to marry her, after she ran off, and sparked a manhunt. He's admirable for sticking by this broad, but dayum, what an idiot.

Other shit (besides the fucking runaway bride) in the news that annoys me:

Michael Jackson Trial - Fry him or let him go, just be done with it.
The ABC American Idol Exposé - Who gives a shit. Reality TV is not real? Imagine that. So the douchebag with no talent got slighted by another douchebag with no talent. Is this really a big deal? There are people starving to death in this country, giving hand jobs for crack, living out on the street, smart kids not able to go to college because its too expensive... but ABC chooses to expend its journalistic efforts on exposing Paula Abdul's penchant for young hot cock.
Laura Bush's 'Desperate Housewives' Comment - Yet again, who cares. So she does a few jokes that someone else wrote. Lighten the fuck up. They're jokes. So she made a joke about George W. Bush jacking off a horse. Woooo... how risqué! She joked about going to a strip bar with other uptight Washington biddies. You can't do anything without pissing someone off.

What my birthday means.

Your Birthdate: February 18

Your birthday on the 18th day of the month suggests than you are one who can work well with a group, but still remain someone who needs to maintain individual identity. There is a humanistic or philanthropic approach to business circumstances in which you find yourself. You may have good executive abilities, as you are very much the organizer and administrator. You are broad-minded, tolerant and generous; a compassionate person that can inspire others with imaginative ideas. Some of your feelings may be expressed, but even more of them are apt to be repressed. There is a lot of drama in your personality and in the way you express yourself to others. Oddly enough, you don't expect as much in return as you give.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Sunday Brunch

1. What do you tend to focus on the most?
A. The past.
B. The present.
C. The future as you think it will be.
D. The future as you are afraid it will be.

The future as I think it will be. If you live in the past and go backwards, you'll never go forward, or get anything new. Like my Dad always says, "If you do what you always did, you gonna get what you always got." Onward and Upward. Nobody can make your future for you. Do what you have to do to make your future what you want it to be. A dream without a plan is just an activity.

2. Name three famous people (living or dead) whose blogs you would like to be able to read. Prince, John Lennon, Ron Jeremy.



3. How long have you lived in your current residence? How much longer do you intend to live in the same place? We've lived in this shithole for like 10 months, and we're getting out ASAP. Soon as the new house is ready, we're outta here. Pix of it is in the flickr.

4. Take the pointless quiz: What color is your heart? Black.

6. RAPID FIRE Question #2: Who or what is the most annoying:
a) Politician George W. Bush
b) Late Night Talk Show Host Jay Leno. "Have you seen this, have you heard about this?"
c) Color Periwinkle. Actually I'm colorblind, so they all are annoying.
d) Habit Smoking. If you want to inhale smoke and carcinogens, do it so it doesn't invade my airspace, bitch.
e) Female Celebrity Paris Hilton, Star Jones, Rosie O'donnell, J-Lo, The list goes on.
f) Male Celebrity Anyone affiliated with American Idol.
g) Television Show American Idol
h) Commercial The biracial life partners in the AOL commercial (see the other post )
i) Fashion Statement Trucker Hats. Even more when they're sideways.
j) Word Blog

Thanx 2 Patrick's Place

And I Ran... I Ran So Far Awaaaay...

Yay Georgia! Another reason for the rest of the country to laugh at us! The Runaway Bride story happened in the same city they found the guy who went on a shooting rampage at the courthouse. Where was Geraldo Rivera? Yall knew I couldn't resist spewing some bile on this bug-eyed spoiled sack of shit. After hours and hours of people looking for her... it turns out she got "cold feet" over her wedding. I'm waiting for every person who spent days looking for her to smack her upside the head. I'm waiting for them to come up with some bullshit excuse like "she had emotional problems," or "she was taking Xanax and couldn't think straight." Puh-leeze. Lets call it like it is, a spoiled bitch threw a tantrum, and thousands of people paid for it. So she got cold feet about a wedding, no big deal, but if you're gonna run off, leave a fucking note. Do the world a favor. If you don't want to get married, just say so, get it over with, so everyone can get on with their lives. I feel for the soon-to-be ex-boyfriend. This poor bastard got the shit end of the stick. Not only did his woman run off, but he's been on TV for 3 days saying how much he misses her, now he's looking like a jackass. The only good thing, he saw what kind of psycho bitch she was before he walked down the aisle. He turned out to be the victim here. Now this guy's gonna be scared shitless the next time he's in a relationship. Everytime the next girl goes to the store or something, he's gonna be wondering if she's coming back. Wondering if whatever he did to set off the first chick is going to set this one off, and she's going to do the same thing. In her one huge selfish act, she left a scar on this guy's heart that won't ever fully heal. Imagine whats going through his head now... "what did I do?" "what did I say?" The guy tried to do everything right, and now look what he's left with. The ruins of what could've been... and a little relief over bullets dodged. Would her apologies be worth anything? He might smile and say he still loves her, but he knows she'll run away again. Maybe not for Las Vegas and spark a nationwide manhunt... but he'd be a fool to say they're still getting married. I'm sure they'll go there separate ways and try to avoid anyone who heard of this story.

Now here's the real news: Jennifer Wilbanks Too Annoying to remain Kidnapped

More Star Wars Hype!

The posters just ain't what they used to be... or are they what they used to be?

Blame Canada!

I usually laugh heartily when I see someone forget the words to a song, or slip and fall on the ice with thousands of people watching... but when all of those things happen at the same time...

I laugh uncontrollably.

I feel for the poor lady, but dayum, you gotta take certain precautions. Jeeez.

I also found an interesting extension for firefox, its the "Abe Vigoda Status" plug-in. Its useful if, from time to time, you need to know if Abe Vigoda is alive or dead. Today: Alive. For the record, I'm pretty sure Abe could both sing the national anthem with all the words intact, and stand on ice at the same time. He was in The Godfather for Chrissakes.

Just in case the make slavery legal again...

I am worth $1,959,252.00 on HumanForSale.com.

Now, how much to rent, I wonder...

The Old Negro Space Program

Who knew there was a Negro Space Program. It was a concerted effort by the government and the press in the 50s and 60s to keep the blackstronauts down. Now in the 21st century, its our duty as a civilized society to pay homage to these brave souls. All I can say is, its a good thing Buzz Aldrin could pass off as black! Do your part, watch the documentary.

More Funner Than Regis

1. What season are you in right now? Pollen.
2. Do you celebrate anything special this time of year? I have many reasons to celebrate this special time of year... so yes.
3. Name 3 things that come to mind when you think of spring (or your current season)? a)Pollen b)Sinus Problems c)The 2nd half of the school year.
4. In the current season, about how many hours of the day are daylight hours? Uhhh about 12.
5. Do you do any 'spring cleaning?' Yeah, I clean about once a year.
6. Do you wash your own car or take it to the car wash? take it to the car wash because a) I'm lazy, and b) I'd have to wait in line behind the mexicans to use the car wash at this horrible apartment complex.
7. Do you hang your laundry out on a clothesline on nice days? What are we back in the pioneer days? I have this new invention called a "dryer." It flips them around and blows hot air on them.

Monday Music Mambo:
01. This favorite 90s sitcom didn't really have a theme song, just a bass guitar line. Seinfeld
02. What show's theme song closes with the words "Hello, Wisconsin!"? That 70s Show. Its called "That 70s Song."
03. Danny Elfman composed the theme to this animated favorite. The Simpsons. He also did 'Tales from the Crypt,' The Batman movie and a ton of other movies. Besides being a founding member of "Oingo Boingo."
04. When, according to the theme song, did the action in "Mystery Science Theater 3000" take place? In the year 3000? I never watched that show.
05. The three "CSI" shows use songs by what band for their themes? The Who. They are: "Who are you"(csi), "Baba O'Reilly"(csi:ny), and "Won't get fooled again"(csi:miami)
06. Frank Sinatra's "Love and Marriage" was used as the theme for what show? Married With Children.
07.What music legend sang the theme for "A Different World?" Aretha Franklin.
08. Mark Snow composed the theme to this 90s sci-fi series. The X-Files (guess)
09. Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? Spongebob Squarepants
10. The O'Jays' "For the Love of Money" is now better known as the theme to what show? The Apprentice. MoneyMoneyMoneyMoooonaaaay
11. This show used "Bad Reputation" by Joan Jett as its theme. No idea, I vaguely remember a show used it.
12. "Tossed Salad and Scrambled Eggs" was the theme to what show? Frasier.
13. Where was the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air born and raised? Philadelphia
14. Hank Williams, Jr. adapted one of his more popular songs for this long-running sports show in the 90s. Monday Night Football is the show, "All my rowdy friends" is the song.
15. "This Wheel's on Fire" by Bob Dylan and Rick Danko was re-recorded for the theme to what show? NO idea.
16. "Dog Pound Hop" was the title of the theme from this weird animated show. No idea.
17. War's "Low Rider" is the theme to what current sitcom? The George Lopez Show. The only famous guy to ever come out of my alma mater is a bit player on that show. Go Pan-Am!

Godspeed, chastv.com, Godspeed

The chastv.com domain is going away. So if you got here via that, change your bookmark to chaswelch.com. Click here to open it in another window and then hit control+d in Firefox or Internet Explorer. 

The Worst Commercial, Ever. Who are these assholes? If, in the year 2005, someone has a computer and doesn't know what anti-virus software does, HE SHOULDN'T BE USING A COMPUTER. And if he has to be taught by a back dude putting shit all over his lunch, then he should be shot. AOL... Assholes On Lithium. 

Have you seen this, have you heard about this?

The second most retarded kid on South Park not only gets dates with 4th graders, he goes to hookers, most notably Nutgobbler, and he has car chases with Pimps! And still manages to kill on stage with his observational comedy. How does he do it all? Jimmy is becoming one of my favorite South Park Kids. He's no Cartman, tho.  

Friday Feast

Q1: Do you like your office space? Why or why not? I like the movie Office Space. I don't really have a cube or a desk or anything. I find a computer and work my magic from there.

Q2: Have you ever changed a flat tire on an automobile? If you never have, do you think you'll be able to if and when the time comes? Once or twice. I watched a guy do it a few weeks ago. :) I think unless you drive it off-road or run over something sharp, with regular maintenence, you won't get a flat tire.

Q3: Joseph Ratzinger, now known as Pope Benedict XVI, is being characterized by some as a hero to the conservative wing of the Catholic Church, and by others as something of a Darth Vader figure to liberal Catholics. Despite your religious affiliation, how do you feel about Ratzinger's selection as Pope? See my previous rant. I'm sure the guy's done some good work, I just don't agree with his ultra-conservative views. But if he's really Darth Vader, I may change my views. :)

Q4: A privately supported, not-for-profit membership organization, National Public Radio (NPR) serves more than 750 independently operated, noncommercial public radio stations, each of which serves local listeners with a distinctive combination of national and local programming. Do you listen to NPR? If you do listen to NPR, have you ever made a donation to support its efforts? If you do listen but have never made a donation, do you think you ever will? Why or why not? I'm knee-deep in news all day, I sure as hell ain't gonna listen to that boring, monotone crap. The real news is boring enough. As for a donation, why the fuck would I pay for it? Its like the PBS pledge drive. Why would I help support TV that sucks? If they want some donations, put on some good stuff. Can't they play "Sopranos" reruns, or at least "Mama's Family" reruns? Their reality show 'Colonial House' shows people bathing naked in a lake, but do they show anything good? Hell no. Show a little T&A, then maybe they'd get some donations. It takes one show to launch a network. South Park launched Comedy Central, Queer Eye launched Bravo, The Valerie Bertinelli/Meredith Baxter Birney "Cancer-stricken abducted-kids-by-an-ex with an eating-disorder divorcee, but I have a plucky spirit and I'm fighting back" movie launched Lifetime. Show some shit people wanna watch, and give them more than a tote bag when they do.

1. How many locations (dwellings) have you lived in? About 20... soon to be 21.

2. If you could place your dream home in any location, where would it be? On a beach somewhere, within walking distance from a Best Buy.

3. In terms of the act of moving: are you a packer or a box mover? Packer. I pay messikans to do the moving. I went to college so my fat ass don't have to do manual labor. I think Manuel Labor is the guy who moved my stuff here. Gracias, Manuel, gracias.

4. What one item do you own that you absolutely hate to move? Ask Manuel. :) Seriously, the computer and stereo stuff is a pain to move because I have a birds nest of wires behind them that I have to sort out.

5. What's worse: the act of moving or a routine cleaning at the dentist? Moving, definately. Teeth cleaning just takes an hour, and if you do it twice a year it isn't an ordeal. And sometimes the hot hygenist flops her boobs in your face.

Appetizer: Name something that helps you fall asleep. Listening to music or reading... or listening to NPR.

Soup: Who brings out the best in you? I have no best to bring out.

Salad: What do you like to do on a rainy day? I do my regular routine, I just drive a little slower.

Main Course: Complete this sentence: In our home, we never have enough... Quesadilla fixin's and Sinus Tablets.

Dessert: Which shoe do you put on first? Right.

Really Limp Bizkits

Who knew it would be possible for Fred Durst to look like more of a tool than he does today? Here's the proof..

Dutch Oven

If you could have any superpower, what would it be? Invisibility. You would see so much cool shit. People do weird shit when they think no one's looking.
Onesome: Domain--Hypothetically, if you could own any domain name you wanted, what would it be and why? chas.com. Apparently its owned by a Swedish Death Metal band.
Twosome: Name-- Are you called by something other than your legal name? If not, have you ever had a nickname? Or done something weird with your name, to try and stand out? Like an odd spelling or a slightly different pronunciation? Or just flat out wanted to change your name? To what?Its kinda obvious what Chas is short for. Spelling it with an 's' and pronouncing it with a 'z' seems to flummox some people. People would ask, "Is your name Chase?" I tell them "Chase is a verb, Chas is a noun." I wish I could take credit for having a unique name, but it was my Grandfather's nickname when he was a kid. He grew out of it, I apparently did not. :)
Threesome: Renewal--Do you have any magazine or other subscription that is an absolute 'must renew' whenever you get the notice? Nah, I get magazines for free, and there's nothing that important in a magazine that I can't live without. Especially with the internet, anything in print is usually online.

In other news, I hear there's a new Bennifer. A stronger, meaner one. Bennifer v2.0. I can't wait until the media ruins this one.

I also wrote a story yesterday about a Vietnam Vet that spit tobacco juice in Jane Fonda's face. That is so funny. The guy had an opinion, and he expressed it. Jane Fonda insulted a lot of people who were putting their lives on the line. Whether or not the U.S. belonged in Vietnam, these guys went over there and put their lives on the line because their country called. They fought in a war many people thought was wrong, he deserves the right to express his opinion.

Tough, you think you've got the stuff
You're telling me and anyone
You're hard enough

You don't have to put up a fight
You don't have to always be right
Let me take some of the punches
For you tonight

Listen to me now
I need to let you know
You don't have to go it alone
And it's you when I look in the mirror
And it's you when I don't pick up the phone
Sometimes you can't make it on your own

We fight all the time
You and I...that's alright
We're the same soul I don't need to hear you say
That if we weren't so alike
You'd like me a whole lot more

Listen to me now
I need to let you know
You don't have to go it alone

And it's you when I look in the mirror
And it's you when I don't pick up the phone
Sometimes you can't make it on your own

I know that we don't talk
I'm sick of it all
Can you hear me when I Sing?
You're the reason I sing
You're the reason why the opera is in me...

Where are we now?
I've got to let you know
A house still doesn't make a home
Don't leave me here alone...

And it's you when I look in the mirror
And it's you that makes it hard to let go
Sometimes you can't make it on your own
Sometimes you can't make it
The best you can do is to fake it
Sometimes you can't make it on your own

American Pie Actress Turns To Bestiality

Every while in a once, I run across a story that just makes me laugh out loud. This broad from American Pie & The Slums of Beverly Hills, Natasha Lyonne, flipped out and told her neighbors "I'm going to sexually molest your dog." And you thought pie-fucking was bad. This woman's been in a ton of those teen flicks, then she went nuts. I think its funny to see the mighty fall. Not that she was so "mighty," but she's been in more hit movies than me. Rule of thumb, if you're even halfway famous, know that every time you shit, some douchebag's gonna comment on it. That would be me. Apparently the crazy dog-fucker is still on the loose, so lock up your puppies.

Gary Fights the Flu

Kevina.TV - Gary The Retard Fights the Flu

Freakin hilarious! Plus great animation.

It was a good laugh at the end of a horrible day.

---

In other news, they elected a Nazi Youth Pope. He worked for the Nazi's Airborne Panzers, and guarded a BMW plant staffed with Jews from the Dachau Concentration Camp. Nice. The guy looks like Hannibal Lecter. I hate to put a negative spin on a guy whose a holy man, but this is 2005, and I'm a cynical prick. It was politics that got this guy elected. Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger was known as "God's Rottweiler" and "The Enforcer." He was the guy who told the "liberal" John Paul II to be more conservative. Expect new tirades against Gays, Stem Cell Research, Women Priests, Abortion and Birth Control. From The Guardian:

As head of the powerful Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, Ratzinger disciplined dissidents, backed John Paul in resisting reforms sought by liberals and urged caution in pursuing relations with other Christian denominations.

Do you know what the "Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith" was formerly called? THE INQUISITION. We're all inclusive" says the Catholic Church, now do what we say, not what we do. I am amazed at the Hypocrisy.

Life's Laundry: Question of the Day

Would you rather be a big fish in a small pond or a small fish in a big ocean? Big fish in a small pond. I'm pretty much a big fish in any body of water. In terms of work, sometimes its good to be the small fish in the big pond, because that gives you an infinite amount of room to grow. In contrast, if you're the big fish, you can demand big bucks. But at this point in my career, I'm a small fish in a real big pond. But at least I'm not in the shallow part of the pond anymore!
How do you respond to pressure? I work in live TV, pressure is part of the game. If you have your shit together, you'll know how to get out of sticky situations.

BTW, 4 days and 4 weeks left!!!

Monday Music Mambo

Monday Music Mambo:
01. Music genre where you will find these Charlies: Walker, Pride and Rich Country. Even though I never heard of Charlie Walker.

02. In 'Aquarius', the planet that aligns with Mars Uhhh Venus?

03. Michael Jackson kept the beat with this Beatle in 'Say, Say, Say' Paul McCartney. Then the Gloved-One stabbed him in the back by stealing the Beatles publishing rights.

04. 'HOT' hit from both The Doors and Jose Feliciano C'Mon Baby, "Light My fire"

05. Geographically named rock group who have named 18 of their albums after themselves Snooze Rockers "Chicago."

06. These eyes are the focus of a Kim Carnes' hit "Bette Davis Eyes"

07. Back-up band for Tom Petty The Heartbreakers

08. Singing Group whose name is also a New York City bus ticket Manhattan Transfer

09. Grammy winning group that shares its name with Dorothy's dog Toto.

10. A place where 'you can check out any time you want but you can never leave' Hotel California

11. Unlike its namesake, this 50s pop group showed up more often than 76 years Bill Haley & The Comets

12. This 'second verse' is 'same as the first' "Henry The VIII" by Herman's Hermits.

Beat That Beeyotches!

Habla Ingles?

Your Linguistic Profile:

70% General American English

25% Dixie

5% Yankee

0% Midwestern

0% Upper Midwestern

What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

I sooo need one of these!!!!

Meet the USB fondue pot. The ultimate in geek cuisine. Use your computer to make a tasty treat... and its good to have your co-workers gather around your cubicle to dip strawberries in chocolate, or some french bread and cheese. If you'd like to send me one, here's the info. :) I'll invite you over for fondue and internet pron.

Friday Feast

Q1: Are you concerned about identity theft? If so, what do you do today to protect yourself that you didn't do just a few years ago? I only buy stuff from web sites that I know are legit. Amazon, etc. And I always use paypal when I buy shit from eBay. However, with credit cards these days, you're really only responsible for $50. So there are always backups, and if a site really wants your business they'll make sure its secure. I think its more risky to give your credit card to the sleazy waiter at Chili's when you pay for dinner. Who knows what that flair-wearing fag is doing with your card when he walks off? He could be copying down all your numbers.

Q3: At the same time that the U.S. Department of Defense is failing to meet recruitment goals and is forcing some soldiers to stay in Iraq longer than they had signed up for, soldiers are being forced out of the military because they are gay. In light of these facts, or not, how do you feel about the U.S. military's 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' policy? The policy is obviously a bunch of crap. These guys are willing to put their life on the line, and the military says, "No Thanks." Let the people who want to fight, fight... and let those who want to come home, come home. Regardless if they take it up the ass.

Q4: What are your favorite sections of a bookstore? The magazines. I judge books by their covers cuz I don't like to read anything that isn't filled with pictures or begins with "Dear Penthouse Forum..."

Appetizer:What was your first "real" job? Channel 4 in El Valle.
Soup: Where would you go if you wanted to spark your creativity? Titty Bar... seriously, I go to work, because there is always someone who has better ideas than I do. That makes me want to be a better writer or a better producer.
Salad: Complete this sentence: I am embarrassed when... I open my mouth... or pretty much all the time.
Main Course: What values did your parents instill in you? All of them. Right from wrong to work ethics.

Dessert: Name 3 fads from your teenage years Rolling up your pants real tight, low-rider trucks, high-top fades.

If you were free from any consequence...
1. ... what one thing would you say to your boss? In a tv environment, you're not only encouraged to speak your mind, but its expected. As for my ex-bosses, I would tell them to go straight to hell. I would ask them how they can sleep.
2. ... what one thing would you say to the president of your country? Are you as stupid in real life as you are on TV?
3. ... what one thing would you change about someone? If they have a disease, I would take it away.
4. ... what one thing would you change about yourself? Umm everything.
5. ... what one thing would you do right now? I would go steal a big ass plasma TV and a laptop.

---

The New Pope:

Day One

At 6:41 Monica Kaufman read my first script. The thrill don't go.

I'm so not normal

You Are 65% Normal (Really Normal)

Otherwise known as the normal amount of normal You're like most people most of the time But you've got those quirks that make you endearing You're unique, yes... but not frighteningly so!

How Normal Are You?

... and I wouldn't be caught dead by the Eiffel Tower.

Where's Your Head At?

1. On what day of the week were you born? Sunday.
2. Were you born in the morning, afternoon, or evening? In the middle of the night.
3. How many siblings do you have? Brothers or sisters? 1 Brother.
4. Do you (or did you) ever wish you were an only child? And if you ARE an only child, did you ever wish you had brothers and sisters?
Nah, I'm close to my brother, and I'm grateful for him, and glad he was around.
5. Did you (or do you) dream of having a big family of your own? Yes, I'm on my way towards it.
6. In your opinion, which is (or would be) easier to raise; boys or girls? Boys.
7. In looks, do you favor your mother or your father? The Milkman.

Sunday Evening Edition

1. Where did you buy the last fast food you ate? Ramen Noodles. I got them @ Publix. They're wonderful. Except for the lack of nutrition and nasty chemicals running through your body at night.

2. What was the last movie you watched in a theater? Sin City. See yesterday's post.

3. When you walk into a room, what do you think people notice first about you? What do you wish they'd notice first about you? "Thats one goofy looking bastard." I really don't care what they notice.

4. You win a special lottery but you aren't allowed to keep any of the money. Instead, it must go to a single charitable organization. Which would you choose and why? The Red Cross, because I see first hand where the money goes. It helps people in a practical way, when they need it most. You can contribute to other charities and not see exactly where your money is going. Like if you donate to AIDS research or Breast Cancer awareness. You know your moneys doing good, but not really how. The Red Cross gives money to people who are in dire need at that moment, and have no other options. Just watch the news, every time there's an apartment fire or a house fire or a flood and someone's put out of their house, the Red Cross is there to give them a helping hand. And its not just a hand out, the help is ongoing until the people affected are back on their feet. Its a sad reality that apartment fires and house fires usually happen in low-income areas where families are a paycheck away from not having a home. How great is it, that there are people who will make sure you aren't left out in the cold? I would give the money to them, because I know how hard it is to help people in need when resources are low, or non-existant. As I write this, I'm getting called to a fire. How ironic.

5. What was the subject of the most recent E-mail you forwarded? I don't remember, but it may have had something to do with herbal viagra and refinancing your mortgage, and hot sexy co-eds waiting to talk to you. Check your inbox, it may be there waiting. I can't believe I still get forwarded jokes. After all these years, you'd think it would have died down. I guess I'm too polite to ask to please stop. To me its like saying, I don't like you enough to write you an email, but just so you know I remember you're alive, I'll fill your inbox with something from someone else who had nothing to say to me.

What do you think? Hit comments and release your inner Florence Nightingale.

Sin City

Sin City is one badass movie. A total guy flick. It has the holy trinity of guy movies: boobs, violence and car chases. Its based on the graphic novels of Frank Miller. It looks like you're reading a comic book on the movie screen. Even the writing is lifted straight from its graphic novel origins. Its black and white, but in every shot there's one thing thats colorized, and it really jumps out of the screen at you. A number of times throughout the movie I found myself loudly saying, "Whoa!" Then I notice the rest of the audience was doing the same thing. The actors were OK. Bruce Willis played the same cop with a chip on his shoulder he plays in every movie. Mickey Roarke is good as Marv, although you can barely see him under tons of make up. And of course there are hot chicks in every scene. Rosario Dawson turns in her best performance since 'Josie and the Pussycats.' :) Our darling little Rory from Gilmore Girls takes a turn for the worst and becomes a hooker. What would Lorelai say? And then there's Jessica Alba, the hottest female on the planet. She's scary hot as she tries to seduce Bruce Willis' octogenarian character. I'm sensing oscar buzz for our Dark Angel.

The audience was filled with comic book dorks who were high-fiving each other during the movie. I found that rather umm retarded. I was waiting for the comic book guy from the Simpsons to stand up and say, "Worst gratuitous tit shot EVER!"

This is one of 3 movies I'm looking forward to this year, Revenge of the Sith and Batman Begins are the others. All 3 are portrayals of one's dark side. Perhaps in them, you see your own dark side. Maybe thats the attraction. Its an interesting dynamic... between the face put on for everyone, and what lies beneath.

What do you think? Hit comments and release your inner Bruce Wayne.

Friday's Feast - a buffet for your brain

Appetizer - What is a symbol that inspires you?

Just kidding! :) No symbol really inspires me. I find inspiration in so many other places.
Soup - Name something (either serious or funny) that has happened in your life that you would consider a miracle. She hasn't been born yet :)

Salad - How do you handle criticism? I take it personally, and let it stew in me.

Main Course - Complete this sentence: I feel alone when... I'm not with anyone else. Duh.

Dessert - Name one TV show you wouldn't want to be caught dead watching. American Idol.

I so want these for Christmas!

Friday Feast

Q1: Do you think cities should be allowed to use eminent domain to seize property for private business development? No way. They're trying to do this here in Atlanta. If a business developer promises to build a fire station or a park, he gets the area rezoned for them. So much for private property. This is just one of those situations where the government can stick their nose in YOUR business.

Q2: Across the United States, policy makers are debating whether to grant driver's licenses to illegal immigrants, while in some states, legislators are taking up bills that would require voters to show photo identification before casting ballots. Do you think illegal immigrants should be allowed to receive a driver's license? What about presenting a photo ID when casting a ballot... are you in favor of this idea? Regarding Illegal Immigrants getting drivers licenses: No, because by giving them licenses, you're basically saying its OK to break the law. There are so many people who risk their lives and work their ASS off to get here legally, that legitimizing illegal immigrants is a slap in their face. What part of 'Illegal' don't they understand? The supporters will say, "Oh, this will teach them to drive correctly." Bullshit. If an illegal immigrant doesn't drive well before they get a little card, do you really think they're going to drive well after they get it?

Regarding showing an ID when you vote, thats fair. Whats wrong with proving you are who you are? It will cut down on voter fraud. And if someone is going to screw the system, showing an ID is the least of their worries.

Q3: What kind of impact has Pope John Paul II's death had on you since he passed away last Saturday? What kind of an impact did the Pope have on you while he was alive? Last Saturday, I was saddened to hear of his death, but he was old and in pain, so I was relieved that he was out of misery. Even though I'm a Catholic, I do realize that the Pope was just a man. Granted, he's done so much for mankind. His work for other people is incomparable. I don't think he's a saint or any greater than the rest of us. He had his fault, and as such a smart man, he knew this. Just read his will, he asked for forgiveness for his shortcomings. So I'm sure there's a nice place for him in Heaven.

Q4: If you knew for certain that it would extend your life expectancy by 8 years, would you reduce your daily caloric intake by 30%? Sure. I should reduce my caloric by 100%. I'd live for far more than 8 months if I did that!

This just in!

First there was 'Bennifer,' now there's 'Spederline.' Speaking of assholes:

I'm not one of those animal huggers, but any organization that aims to shit on J-Lo and Star Jones is AOK in my book! They really let them have it. Take a look.

Billy Joel Owes Me $58

If you could make any musical into a cabaret act, sort of like the Rocky Horror Picture Show, with people acting out the parts en masse, which musical would you choose and which part would you play?

Funny that this question came up. I recently saw "Movin' Out," which is a musical set to Billy's music. Now I love Billy Joel's music, I have since I was a kid. So you can imagine my excitement when I hear the musical was coming to town. Well this was a load of horse shit. Picture this: a bad Billy Joel tribute act playing the hits at the top of the stage, and about 20 dancers doing something between ballet and a seizure. These horrible dancers could've been dancing to anything. It just so happens that their costumes corresponded to the stories in his song. No type of acting or anything. The musical was choreographed by Twyla Tharpe, who is supposed to be the best choreographer since Jesus, but I didn't see the attraction. This pablum actually won a Tony. I may not know broadway, but I know horse shit. I guess thats why people like me don't go to the theatre. If I ever see The Piano Man, I'm gonna demand my $58 back.

So now to the question at hand... what musical would I make into a cabaret act. Hmm how about Purple Rain. The greatest rock flick ever. The music sort of tells a story, and the dancing would be great. I can just hear Morris yelling in a operatic voice, "Come back, ya long haired faggit!"

What do you think? Hit comments and release your inner Andrew Lloyd Webber.

10 News Stories You Are Sick Of

1. The Pope. Let him die, rest in peace.
2. Terri Shiavo. Thank you Pope John Paul for knocking this shit out the news.
3. Desperate Housewives.
4. Britney Spears
5. Brad & Jen
6. Lohan
7. Any Reality TV show
8. College Basketball
9. The 2004 Election, Liberals and Conservatives.
10. Michael Jackson

Where Yat?

1. ...did you have to turn your clocks forward one hour this weekend? Yep.
2. ...what is the price of gasoline? $2.20/gallon.
3. ...which natural disasters, if any, do you have to worry about? This weekend, it was snow! It was snowing up in the Mountains on Saturday. "Sometimes It Snows In April." Pix in the flickr. Generally, just the remnants of hurricanes that hit Florida.
4. ...do you have a local newspaper, and if so, do you subscribe to it? AJC, no, I don't subscribe. Being in the news business, and now working for the company that publishes it, I should, huh?
5. ...do you subscribe to a local cable company for television viewing? Yeah. I don't wanna mess with no dish.
6. ...what is the speed limit on your road/street? Don't know, don't care.
7. ...how far do you have to drive to the nearest post office? About 3 miles.
8. ...what is the average temperature in April? I dunno. Maybe if I would read the paper, I'd know.
9. ...what is the average temperature in December? I dunno that either.
10. ...are your four seasons drastically different from one another? Aw hell yeah. And they all torture my sinuses like an Iraqi Prisoner.

This is just sad

I know its a hoax, but just the thought gives me chills!
The Erotic Diary of George Wendt

Manic Monday

Ok, so the number 4 station doesn't want me, but the number 1 station does. Hmmm.

M&M'S Chocolate MPire

This is hilarious! Light-Saber wielding M&Ms!
M&M'S Chocolate MPire

Hot Dogs and French Fries

Onesome: Hot Dogs--Spring picnics and cookouts are coming! Is it hot dogs or hamburgers you want to have on your plate as you head back to the table? Hamburgers. I'm not a fan of the lips and assholes. I'm a hardcore carnivore.
Twosome: and-- ...and what else is on that plate that you just cannot be without as you work your way through the crowd? Potato salad? One of those huge pickles? Come on, there has to be something! Beans and chips.
Threesome: French Fries-- ...and the real toughie: do you have to have 'fries with that'? ...or will chips do well enough for you. Just curious... Chips are sufficient, but I'd rather french fries or even onion rings.

These are stupid questions, but I feel lacking in my duties if I didn't post something. Do you have a badass recipe or BBQ tip? Hit comments and release your inner Emeril.

"Game... blouses." 

Cinerama

1. What is your favorite movie of all time? I've thought about this a lot, and I can't nail it down to one movie. I have a favorite movie in any given genre. Comedy, Drama, Mafia, Music, Sci-Fi, etc. And some movies are good as part of a group. e.g. Kevin Smith's movies are great on their own merits, but taken as a whole are much better. So for the purposes of this exercise, I'll pick my favorite mafia flick, Francis Ford Coppola's Masterpiece, The Godfather. The movie has everything, sex, violence, profanity, and abuse of a horse head.
2. How often do you watch this movie? About once a year, and whenever its on TV. I watch it enough to recite the words with it.
3. What's your favorite line out of the whole movie? "Keep your friends close... and your enemies closer."
4. Who's your favorite character from this movie? Most people would say Pacino's character, Michael, or Brando's character, Vito. Those are too obvious. My favorite its Sonny Corleone. He's a hothead, he's ruled by emotion, and acts without thinking things through. Its all about instinct. His ole man tries to tell him never to let people know what he's thinking but he's all about the "Bada-Bing, Bada-Boom, you blow his brains all over your Ivy League suit." He even died cool. A car full of dudes fills his car full of holes, and he still gets out to try and get off a few shots. I think I like Sonny because he's the complete opposite of me. I tend to over-analyze things, and I would never beat a guy with a trash can lid."
5. What scene do you love the most? Again, most people would say when the guy wakes up with the horse head in the bed is their favorite, but I disagree. My favorite scene is when Michael goes to visit his father, who had been shot, in the hospital, and finds there's no one guarding him. He immediately enlists the help of the baker's son to pretend to be a gangster so when the guys come to kill his ole man, they'll know he's being protected. I think it showed Michael's prowess as a cool-headed gangster... and his switch from the WWII vet who comes home and promises to make the Corleone family legit.

How pathetic am I?

Your Famous Blogger Twin is Wil Wheaton

You're a friendly, funny guy (or girl) next door With more than a touch of geekiness

Who's Your Famous Blogger Twin?