Afternoon Delight

• I like to see my friends in the news. This is hilarious. Find out why Randy Johnson earned the nickname thats a synonym for "Big Dick." This big dork got physical with a photographer who put a camera in his face when he was walking down the street in New York. Yes, it was rude of the photographer, but if you're job is to be a public person, thats tough. You signed up to be a baseball player and you get paid EXTREMELY well for it. I don't think walking down the street with a photographer is a big deal. I hope the New York fans boo that overpaid prick. Now it seems he pulled that same shit when he was in Arizona, as Mr. Tyree found out! Gil should've decked that douchebag. But then again, I've never been rich, famous or had cameras follow me down the street. Lighten Up, Randy!
  
  
• Speaking Of Lightening Up and idiots named Randy... The NFL fined Randy Moss $10,000 for pretending to moon the crowd after a touchdown. Then when pressed about the fine he shrugged it off and said, "that ain't shit, next time I'm gonna wave my dick." In my opinion, both sides are wrong. First of all, the NFL should lighten the hell up. The guy pretended to moon the crowd because it was the custom for the fans to really moon the opposing team as they leave the stadium. The NFL is obviously so skittish about anything controversial they're doling out fines for wardrobe malfunctions of the imaginary kind. Now on the other hand, Moss's reaction to the fine was more offensive to me than the original act (which I didn't find offensive at all). I'm sure the family man whose dropping $250 to take his wife and kids to a football game is happy to know that ten g's ain't nothing to Mr. Moss. The NFL should find him $10,000 more for being an ingrate. I wish he had gotten all the way to the Super Bowl, and the morning of the game, he breaks his leg tripping over the male hooker passed out on the floor of his hotel room.
  
• The Golden Globes. This show is like the bastard stepchild of movie awards shows. Even the MTV movie awards have more credibility. I only watched a little bit of this crap, but that horrid movie "Closer" got two awards. I wasted two hours of my life that I'll never get back watching that talky un-interesting steaming pile of a movie. Its my own fault for listening to hype. Why did I think that a movie with the "Pride Of Smyrna" Julia Roberts would be anything other than a pile of shit? Natalie Portman plays a stripper, but yet the boob screen time was upwards of 3 seconds. Plenty of talking about fucking, but ain't a whole lot of it going on. I was hoodwinked. Damn you Princess Amidala, Damn you! One other notable thing about the awards, Ellen And Portia are now stepping out as a couple. Good for them. Could wedding bells be far behind? What about the pitter-patter of little feet? Or will it be a stolen sex tape and a trip to rehab? Fly on Lesbian Seagulls, Fly on!
  
  
• Speaking of Sapphic goings-on, I hear one of the contestants on the The Bachelorette is a lesbian. Good for her. Maybe she'll hook up with one of the contestants on The Bachelor or The Apprentice. Or they could give them their own reality show, where a bevy of buxom beauties fight for the affections of a hot lesbian. It could work. But in reality... not the world in reality TV... it'll just be a publicity stunt to get more viewers. I may have to tune in, just in case.
  
  
• Has it been more than a week since I've made a shameless ploy for hits and mentioned Ashlee Simpson? It seems my distaste for all things Ashlee is shared by about 42,000 other people. Thats according to this online petition:
  

  To: Geffen/DGC Records & JT Simpson Entertainment
  We, the undersigned, are disgusted with Ashlee Simpson's horrible singing and hereby ask her to stop. Stop recording, touring, modeling and performing. We do not wish to see her again.
  
  She cannot match the sound of her voice that can be found on her CDs, when she sings live. She simply yells the words (sometimes the wrong ones) into the mic.
  
  We are so sickened by her "performing" that we are taking this opportunity to demand that she stop.
  
  Sincerely,
  
  The Undersigned
  

  
  Please Please listen to the voice of the people young Ashlee!
  
  What do you think about Randy, Gil, Randy, Natalie, Ellen, Portia, Bachelorette Lesbian, or Ashlee? Hit Comments and release your inner Mary Hart.